When I started my new job in July I met a young pregnant woman. Although I did not get to know her very well, I was happy for her and, as most mothers do, bonded on some level with her. I was truly heartsick to learn that her baby boy was stillborn. I will be going to the service for the baby on Monday and, other than, "I am so sorry," I have no idea what to say or do for my friend.
2006-09-30 17:26:50 · 14 answers · asked by Kathleen C 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Just tell her that you're incredibly sorry for her loss and that even though she's heard it a million times already, that if she needs help with anything, you're there for her. Don't treat her any differently than you normally do, continue to be a friend and treat her as though she's just another mother who has lost a child. I'm not saying to not be sympathetic or empathetic, I'm saying that even if this was to be her only child, don't treat her as though she isn't a mother now that her baby is no longer with her.
And don't pretend to understand what she's going through. In fact, you could say that to her. IE "I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through, so I won't patronize you by pretending to understand. Just know that I'm here for you, for anything you need, from one mother to another."
2006-09-30 17:33:16 · answer #1 · answered by dirtypinkshoe 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult situation. Nature does usually know though and and miscarriages and still births are usually for a reason. Even if the baby looked "normal" who can say the amount of genetic defects or mental damage it may have had. It is usually the body's way of being kind to someone who would not have survived. If you can find a delicate way to explain this to her, it may help.
Also the child knew no pain and no suffering.
At least we know that she can carry a baby to term.
If she has some sort of religious faith (and if it will not sound totally false coming from you), tell her that the baby will never know any suffering and unhappiness and that she will see them again one day.
There is also probably an underlying revulsion at giving birth to and carrying round a corpse. The idea of a dead child in her most intimate and feminine parts probably disgusts her on some level. I expect that she is feeling a deep guilt at these perfectly natural and normal feelings
Just be there for her, mothers bond with children in their womb and she must have a deep void and sense of loss. Going through the hours of labour and pain all seams worthwhile when you have a crying baby, you forget the discomfort and agony. She did not have that luxury all she got was a tragic loss as compensation, be sensitive to this and give her time, she will probably feel better after the funeral as it will give her some closure.
2006-09-30 17:46:38 · answer #2 · answered by Amoeba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do say anything at first, just be there for her and give her a really big hug if she will let you. Wait till she wants to talk about it with you and then you can say something like I am so sorry and if I could make the hurt go away I would. Anyway give her a hug from me too. That is a very hard thing to go through.
2006-09-30 18:26:30 · answer #3 · answered by No_Mo_babies 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those of us that have lost children know that there is no greater liability in all of life than there is to having a child, on the other hand there is no greater love than having a child. Only people that have lost a child know what this feels like and the rest of you do not want to even know what it feels like. Just give her a hug and say nothing.
2006-09-30 17:40:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think more than anything you have to let her know that she has friends to talk to and that you are a kind ear and want to be there for her in some way. Maybe make her a meal or something. She still has to recover from giving birth as well as the emotional trauma she's been through...
2006-09-30 18:09:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She won't remember much you say to her but I think "I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know I am here for you if you need me."
After Monday I would send her a card and inside of it maybe include a little angel pin with a birthstone in it. Another idea is to include a gift card to a grocery store or restaurant so she can have one less worry on her mind.
It is really sweet of you to be so caring.
2006-09-30 18:41:30 · answer #6 · answered by wendysorangeblossoms 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure that your words will blur in her head tomorrow. More importantly is what you do as a friend in the coming weeks. Let her know you are there. Give her opportunities to talk about it. If you sense she doesn't want to, change the subject. Be a friend :)
2006-09-30 17:35:02 · answer #7 · answered by JaneDivided 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
you say, "i am so sorry you are going thru' this. if you need anything.....a hug, a shoulder, a friend to talk to, just call me." the follow thru'. don't try to console her w/ "you can have another baby". she doesn't want another baby right now, she wants the baby she lost.
2006-09-30 17:30:04 · answer #8 · answered by Sylvia H 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you let her know you are there if she needs a friend, someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.
2006-09-30 17:31:35 · answer #9 · answered by me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that "I am so sorry" would be sufficient. Worst thing to say wld be that she can still have other babies.
2006-09-30 17:28:57 · answer #10 · answered by Melissa 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋