Blocking a ill girl’s religious convictions (tho uninformed & clueless) or submitting 2 manipulation?

Question

It's Muslim holiday Ramadan. Muslims above age 18 R to fast for about 30 days, not eat anything or even drinking any water. Eating is only at night. They R to avoid contact with opposite sex even a peck on the cheek. No watching television—even Sesame Street, no music even Mozart. My husband and his kids are practicing Muslims. I’m walked away from all organized religions long before I met him and he knows this. The youngest & only girl (now 9) does not participate at this point & isn’t expected at her age. She & I are home alone. After eating almost nonstop since 8am, going online (under my supervision) watching cartoons, etc. she says “I'm doing Ramadan” & turns off the TV! I’m watching PBS but, I let it slide. I can see it on their website. I want 2 play classical music. She says that's “just not right" & looks really sad. Worse prob is the whole family practices their faith like this. How do you handle cafeteria style religion with side of self-righteousness & hypocrisy in others?

Yes there is only one television, one CD player and one bedroom. And this question is about people any faith/age...from christians to 58 yr olds

Answer 1

As an intelligent person, it must be difficult for you to watch people close to you choose to worship an imaginary being and indulge in the fantasy that depriving themselves of food during the day only to gorge themselves at night is somehow noble. However, it seems to me that you and your husband should have discussed this issue long before you were married and decided on a course of action for you to follow during Ramadan.

Since that did not occur in advance, it will have to be worked out now. Tell your husband what his daughter did. Make sure he understands that you did not try to interfere with her decision but that you expect him to give her guidance as to what, exactly, Ramadan is and that there is no doing it "halfway". Above all, do not offer to participate yourself in Ramadan and compromise your beliefs. Perhaps, one day, the children will come to see that you have been practicing the best religion of all---- the doctrine of common sense.

Answer 2

It's a bit late to say you and he should have ironed this out before marriage, but it is not too late to do so now. I find it interesting that you do not say "your kids", but "his kids", and you express a great deal of disdain for his religious beliefs. Perhaps she would also like to join in and participate in the religious practices, and naturally as the only girl, she is looking for companionship and guidance from the only woman in her life. The woman, I might add, who could reasonably be expected to provide that support and guidance. That alone would do a lot to explain why she looks sad when you reject the idea completely. She is sad and unhappy. She would probably be more content if you at least helped her learn and participate, even if you personally do not share the religious views. I happen to be of Christian faith, and I have often heard the charge that "folks who go to church are nothing but hypocrites". That may be true for some people, as well as being sinners. You don't find too many saints and angels occupying the pews, or the mosques for that matter either. What you do find are people, imperfect though they are, at least making an attempt to better themselves and serve their faith to the best of their ability. If God is willing to accept this, why can't you? Do you leave the doctor's office because it's full of sick people?
I don't think you can lay the charge of cafeteria style religion on the doorstep of any 9 year old, girl or boy. Of course they will try to pick and choose those things they prefer. Most religious practices are matters of self discipline, which comes hard enough for the adults- and I've never met a child who mastered it at 9, and certainly not without a great deal of parental encouragement or sometimes enforcement. This little girl recieves very little of either- at least not from you.
You have some hard choices ahead of you. I'd start with deciding if you are willing to at least respect the validity of their beliefs- without the side order of snideness. Begin with that, and then between your husband, you and the children, you all need to determine how you are going to blend this family together and allow for the differences in your beliefs. It may be that you will need to come up with some creative compromises, and that may include you learning to live with some of the practices you don't completely agree with- like Ramadan fasting. I don't see that they give up anything that you could not also give up temporarily. Perhaps instead of watching the television, it would do your family more good to actually talk, play a game, or have some other family oriented activity. Ramadan has it's own special foods, which could be prepared and enjoyed as a family. And during the daytime, perhaps you could share some of the things you learned from your mother, grandmother, or family. Instead of considering it a time of deprivation, perhaps you could look at it as an opportunity to expand your horizons and share with your daughter. Learn something new together, anything, but share the activity. The time when she will want to spend time wtih you and think you are such an important person is very, very short. You have an opportunity here to make a big impression on a very young girl, and the priviledge to be the one she'd like to share the time with. Perhaps you should explore the faith with her, so you can both learn. You can do a lot more to combat those things you find fault with by mutual respect and education that you will by disdain. Self righteousness and hypocrisy exist in those with and without faith, and you are as guilty of it as they are.

Answer 3

you're an grownup - tell her that she is in simple terms not punished by potential of any cosmic tension on your strikes and to be a solid little lady and circulate do Ramadan in yet another room and circulate away Mommy on my own. of course - no person might think of you are the devil for watching extremely much less television your self.... you realize - in case you had to be supportive collectively as she's around..