I was dating a person name Ady. I am totally inlove with him. However he is the kind of person that not really sensitive about my feelings. I love him a lot and have a strong chemistry with him. Last two weeks, I met with my ex fiance and he told me that he still love me and wants me to be back with him. Scott is a super nice person, treat me a like a princess but I am not totally attracted to him. He is okay for me, I do love him but not inl ove with him. I know its sound crazy, but Ady is not ready for any commitment and I dont know know when he will be ready, Scott will settle down anytime. What would be the best advice for me. Go for the one that I have strong chemistry but dont really trat me nice or the one that totally love me and care about my feelings...do you think I can grow more love in marriage if I choose scott??
2006-09-30 17:20:17 · 21 answers · asked by farh71 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Chemistry is not love. It is desire. Big difference. Chemestry will never last or bring you real happiness. Only respect and freindship can last. True love is much deeper than a stroked ego or fleeting physical desire. If you can not see yourself at 80 years of age with this person don't bother wasting your time. Will this person still make you coffee in 20 years? Will he make something for you? (even if it is butt ugly) Like furniture or jewlry...stupid songs? Will he laugh when you fart or pretend he didn't hear it. Does he open the door for you? Can you be perfectly comfy with him in the same room as you while you color your hair? Will he cry when you have his baby? Do you get jelouse when women flirt with him or do you get amused? Is he rude to waiters while dining out(if a man is nice to you but rude to a waiter he is not a nice person)
You do not need someone who does not respect you or love you as you are...with all your flaws and habits. That is what a mate should do. They should be able to do this for life. A strong freindship is of far far more value than physical attraction. One is fleeting....the other isn't.
2006-09-30 17:40:29 · answer #1 · answered by mintavia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well here is the thing, you're not sure about either one it seems, in Love and Marriage there needs to be no doubt. Life doesn't end with Ady or Scott. Scott is you EX fiancee for a reason... did you look into that? If he was a good guy for you .. then you would of married him to begin with... but something stopped you from doing that and only YOU know why. Ady is a new guy it seems from what you said and so i would give him more time and move slowly, take your time to know him and him to do the same and then take it from there but no is is pushing you to make a decision right now so don't rush anything take it slow and as for Scott he is telling you he loves you and wants to marry you but does he SHOW you that he loves you?? or is he being possesive knowing that you've moved on and are dating other men.... see his intentions and take your time... Marriage is a serious thing and shouldn't be rushed into... if in doubt ... don't do it. Good luck
2006-10-01 00:25:35 · answer #2 · answered by Soonie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not compare the two as part of your decision making process. The ex-fiance, you are not attracted to him and he is just "okay" to you. And because he is willing to make a committment is not a reason to make a committment yourself. Does not make any sense. If you want to get married then wait for the right one. The other guy may just be for fun and you should not think about marriage with everyone you have chemistry with. You may not "grow in love" for Scott, you may just grow content. If you think you really don't have anything else going for you and will need someone to take care of you because you are not self sufficient and uneducated then fine, you should take safety Scott. It sounds like you are looking for safety or you are insecure and maybe you should look deeper at that if you really are a strong woman.
2006-10-01 02:59:01 · answer #3 · answered by tsmontesano 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should ask yourself this, instead. Do I want to live with someone who is fantastic in bed but doesn't have a clue as to how to properly treat a woman? In the long run, my bet would be with Scott. Ady doesn't want a commitment (red flag #1). You still love Scott, but not as much as Ady but Scott is safe. Scott treats you like a princess. Ady? (red flag #2). How old are y'all anyway? If you're just in your early 20s, seriously think about taking that final step. Besides, you'd be surprised if you gave yourself the chance to love Scott, I'll bet.
2006-10-01 00:26:15 · answer #4 · answered by kath68142 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Drop both of them. You don't want a man that is not sensitive to your needs as a woman, and you shouldn't hook up with a man that's totally into you but you don't love him. You would just be treating Scott like Andy treats you. Find yourself a man that is sensitive to your needs that you can really love. Scott is a better man for you, but are you the best woman for him?
2006-10-01 00:27:08 · answer #5 · answered by Daddy Big Dawg 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all the strong chemistry will wear off soon enough, once you've settled down with him and everyday life together starts, trust me it'll wear off. Make a list of both names and write the pros and cons down. The in-love thing is great, because its ruled totally by passion but it is fleeting, however loving someone who is stable, feels for you and still have a good sex llife, that's the person one settles down with. I hope you make the right decision, otherwise it will haunt you later in life.
2006-10-01 00:26:58 · answer #6 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Imagine never seeing either one of them ever again. Ask yourself, would you be more devastated if you never saw Andy again, or if you never saw Scott again?
You really don't have much to choose from there. A man who doesn't treat you well, and one you're not really in love with. Why not just find someone else?
2006-10-01 00:24:25 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
depends what king of person you are if you like someone to care about your feelings then I prefer scott because ady would only use you when he wants to have "good feelings" and then go to another women
2006-10-01 00:24:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
listen to yourself...... you're in love with a man who doesn't show sensitivity towards your feelings. And, you're considering settling down with a man whom you're not very attracted to. Seems to me you should find some self esteem and stop considering you best options. The "one" will be unquestionable. Everyone woman deserves a man who will put her on a pedestal, and she will do the same for him without hesitation. Until that relationship presents itself to you, keep looking.
2006-10-01 00:25:30 · answer #9 · answered by woody sims 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ady is Lust which fades with time!!
Scott is love; but you need to work at it!
2006-10-01 00:23:59 · answer #10 · answered by Lucky 7 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋