My husband is with me 100% on all of this. He made the choice to send them home and he knows how I feel and bad to say right now he won't even call them because he is still so mad. It hurts because I see my kids and the relationship they have with my husband which is great and they also have a wonderful relationship with their dad and his live in. We want all of the kids around just don't know how to do it and I don't want to hate them they are part of my husband and I want to accept them.
2006-09-30 16:49:25 · 4 answers · asked by Martha S 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If I were you and your husband, I'd work at getting over your anger. Don't relax your standards, but there isn't a real need to be angry right now, only to protect yourselves and the other children. Whatever you can do to decompress and then recontact them, likely THEY are very angry, but it will go better the fewer angry parties there are. The trick is, you can't just be ACTING calm, you have to really BE calm, really have let go of your anger. That's not easy. Try meditating. Mindfulness. Thich Nhat Hanh's book Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames.
When everyone's too stressed and angry, sending people away is right. But coming back together again is natural for families, to try to work it out. Take care of your own family unit. Then try again if you think there's a chance of it working. Maybe shorter visits.
2006-09-30 16:57:54 · answer #1 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dad did the right thing in sending the kids home for the moment, however, he must let go of his anger and you in turn must never remark that you don't want to hate them... Children belong to who love them! What ever the situation those kids need to feel that they belong. Who's to say their mom isn't fuelling the fire, perhaps your children appear to be the apple of Dad's eye. Misconception can lead to a great deal of trauma in the lives of children. Sit the kids down and instead of telling them how it's going to be, ask how we all can make it better. Step parenting is difficult at the best of times with understanding and Patience the bridges and gaps do come together.
2006-09-30 17:10:32 · answer #2 · answered by ava_weis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand what it is to have tough kids. my step bro's are 12 and 13, and the 13 yearold has been arrested 3 times for violent felonies. they are soooooo bad and my mom tries her best to see that they become productive members of society, and yet, they still act like complete asses. they literally throw temper tantrums, and they arent small both break 200 lbs. so all i can say to you, is keep tryin. they are people too there has got to be something that touches them. good luck
2006-09-30 16:56:26 · answer #3 · answered by blondie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband should contact them, talk to them, explain to them how thier behavior was unacceptable,,,, but he should not lose contact with them, it will only make thier relationship more strained
2006-09-30 16:58:33 · answer #4 · answered by goldie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋