I had a miscarrage in april, which was my second. I still have no children even though I would defiently love one I've been depressed sincee april but dealing with it until today.
A friend of ours who told us she was pregnant about 2 weeks before I knew, she just had her baby and her cousin showed us a picture of this adorable baby boy and all the pain came flooding back.
I decided to tell my boyfriend how I felt instead of keeping it in. When I tod him I knew it wasn't right but I am a little envious of her. I wish I could have had our baby too and they could have rown up togehter, he didn't say anything.
I got frustrated and asked him why he didn't care.
He came back at me with I'm tryin to put my problems out on him and I'm selfish and weak and a hater. He said he needs me to be strong, he needs a woman in his corner who is at least half as strong as him
Am I wrong for not getting over the miscarrage of my baby?
2006-09-30 16:27:00 · 13 answers · asked by lamikashi 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your baby. Everyone grieves for different lengths of time and in different ways. Believe it or not, time will heal. I'm not saying that you will ever forget or not hurt over your loss but it does get a bit easier as time goes on. Some people deal with hurt by getting angry and perhaps that is what your boyfriend is doing. My heart goes out to you.
2006-09-30 16:29:52 · answer #1 · answered by dogloverdi 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No your not wrong. You just lost a living thing that was growing inside of you. This was a part of you and your guy. It hurts. Just as when you get a scare and you have a positive pregnancy test and you know that you don't need kids right now, but then you get use to the idea only to have it turn out your not pregnant. The only difference is that this was real. Also you will feel envious and when you have more friends get pregnant you will hurt. It does take time to get over miscarriages. I myself am lucky and have never had one but my mom had four. As to your guy... I think he may still be hurting too. That is what I want to think anyways because why else would he act so uncaring? Guys don't like to show emotion because of their pride. He is most likely trying to not let you know that it bothers him because he is trying to stay strong for you. Good luck and when you do get pregnant I wish the best for you. You deserve a beautiful healthy little boy or girl.
2006-09-30 23:33:51 · answer #2 · answered by h05ellasmom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong - he is. Maybe you'd be able to move on if he could just grieve with you for a little while. Maybe this IS his way of grieving - I don't know. Either way, there's no such thing as time limit on how long you can be sad about this - take the time you need. When you start feeling ready to try again, I hope you'll be successful. If you decide it's too painful to go through it again in hopes of having another baby, then consider adoption. There are so many babies all over the world and right in your community waiting for the mother they belong with. Good luck and I'm so very sorry for you loss.
2006-09-30 23:32:15 · answer #3 · answered by fruitnroo 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe you're wrong. I too had a miscarriage in April. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for eight or nine months when we found out I was pregnant. We were ecstatic! On a routine checkup, we were told that our baby had stopped growing (passed on). We were absolutely devastated. Time does help, but I don't think you can ever get over a loss. You just learn to cope with it better over time and to continue to move forward in your life. I work with two girls who are pregnant right now and it's very difficult for me some days. I truly am happy for them, but I also feel that envy at times. I just want to be pregnant too. I know how happy I was when I was pregnant and how devastated I was when I lost out little angel. In my opinion, you're boyfriend either isn't dealing well with the loss either, or he is just being a jerk toward you. It's not that you're not strong. It's that you're a human being who has feelings. I know how you feel. I wish you the best of luck with your situation.
2006-10-01 00:34:14 · answer #4 · answered by Snow White 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. You're boyfriend sounds like someone you should reconsider making a baby with. Miscarriage is a terrible thing to go through. My mother still talks (rarely) about the baby she lost. You always think about how old they would be now. I would think about talking to someone about your feelings. It is totally understandable to feel depressed and envious of the other baby. You will forever look at that child and associate them with the one you lost. Your boyfriend needs to be a strong support to you. I'm not going to preach about how you should be married before children, but seriously think about whether this man will support you and your baby forever. Best of luck to you, and talk to someone who understands. Men just don't get it sometimes.
2006-09-30 23:48:11 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no time table for grief. It takes as long as it does, and an insensitive boyfriend doesn't help. If you think you are ready to move on, and want to be over the grief you could try looking for a support group. There are stages to grief, and if you are moving through them then you are O.K. If you are stuck and not moving through the stages you may want to consider getting help. It is O.K. to be envious of other people having children, it does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. I am very sorry for your loss, and I hope you do get to have all of the children that you want.
2006-09-30 23:34:33 · answer #6 · answered by Scarlet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone grieves differently, this is your way of grieving for you lost child. He needs to UNDERSTAND that and if you two are going to have children together you need to solve THIS problem first of him not supporting you, if you can't get through a misscarrage together (he needs to be helping you "deal" with this) then how would you deal with the loss of a child or one of your parents (just putting out a worse case senorio).
My fiance and I are trying to get pregnant and this last time we really thought I was (I was 5 days late and been dizzy, stress and low iron says the doctor). Our 20 month old kept yelling at me telling me to hurry and even my fiance told her that in about 7-8 months mommy is going to waddling "quack quack" and won't be able to move as quick. I was really upset when two pregnancy test came back negative and then I got my period. It isn't the same thing as what you are going through, but he at least said that he was sorry and gave me a kiss and hug and said we will try again.
He supported me and knew I was upset, it sounds like your boyfriend isn't supporting you AT ALL.
2006-10-01 00:37:56 · answer #7 · answered by Crazy Mama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
god no!!!! u will more than likely always feel the pain your child may have never been born but I believe you become a mother as soon as you get pregnant for as soon as you get pregnant you thinking for two not as soon as it comes out. There is no doubt that you should be feeling pain at this time seeing a baby the same age as yours should have been. i think you'll always feel this way even in the future say in 10 years if a kid tells u she/he is ten you'll probably instantly remeber your baby knowing he/she should have been 10then. My heart is with you I dont know how you have the strength
2006-10-01 00:36:10 · answer #8 · answered by Brandi D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong, they are your feelings and they are very real. Miscarriage can be an extremely painful and emotional experience for women.
Your boyfriend could use some 'sensitivity training.' He responses to your emotional needs were very selfish. Having feelings about your miscarriage does not make you weak, it makes you human.
2006-09-30 23:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is over it either. I know women who are suffering years afterword. Seek some with whom you can talk to, preferably a pro with experience in this matter. You need to find a way to live with this devastating loss.
2006-09-30 23:31:10 · answer #10 · answered by Alice W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋