Anyone ready for some good clean Christian humor?

Question

Bible Sales

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious
financial troubles.

While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of
new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his
Sunday sermon he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who
would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise
the desperately needed money for the church.

Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the
task. The minister knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as
salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had
serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who
had always tended to keep to him because he was embarrassed by his
speech impediment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly. But, not
wanting to discourage poor Louis, the minister decided to let him try
anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars
stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the
results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately
asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles
last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "using my
sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I
collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Peter!" The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand.
"You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to
sell for the church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a
professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of
my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the
church, and here's $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are
truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned too little Louie and said, "And
Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"

Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The reverend
opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the minister
exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you
sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?

Louie just nodded.

That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are
professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many
bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd
better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for
sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell
us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you
j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and
r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?"




A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22)

Answer 1

That was so fun!! Thanks for sharing and also for the others sent in they were all good. I really needed a good life. Bad day, funny ending.

Answer 2

f-f-f-f-f-u-n-n-n-n-y-y-y-y!



Top Ten Reasons For Your Preacher to Go To The Beach


10) Tell him you've always wanted to hear him preach from the book of Jonah and you know his attention to detail demands a trip to the beach!

9) Indicate that you are sure that he leaves a good impression in the sand!
8) Remind him that Puritans have a long history of landing on beaches!

7) "Who says you can't make a nativity scene out of sand?!"

6) Remind him that he can wear sandals--without socks!

5) Sell it as a humility-building exercise: any illusion that he is cool or good looking will be stripped away, then quickly covered up again!

4) "You know you've been dying to use that new 'John the Baptist' beach towel you got on 'Pastor's Appreciation Day'!"

3) Remind him that floating in the baptistry gets one in trouble!

2) Simple: You just give him an "Afterlife Guard--Just Ask Me!" tee shirt!

and the number one reason for your preacher to go to the beach is:


1) "What better place to show off the reproduction of the Cistine Chapel tattooed on your back?"


http://graceland.gentle.org/index.html

Answer 3

LOL that was pretty good. Here is another one for you.

There are three men, a missionary who went around making peopel Christians, a Vicar who was given the ability to heal people, and a TV evangelist. ONe day they all die and, due to a clerical error, end up in Hell.

About a month later, teh Devil calls up God and says, "God, you got to get these people out of here. This missionary is making everyone Christians, the Vicar is healing everyone, and teh TV evangelist has risen enough money to put in air conditioning!"

Answer 4

here's another..Young Priest..has his bicycle stolen,he thinks its someone from his parish. Asked the Bishop for ideas to make the thief come forth repent. The Bishop,tells the young Priest..next Sunday... talk on the ten commandment's..when you get to thou shall not steal.....the guilty shall return the bike. Next Sunday...afternoon ..the young Priest was back riding his bike. The Bishop shouted.."i knew it would work". The young Priest...said..i talk on the ten commandments...when i got to thou shall not commit adultery" i remembered where i left it...."

Answer 5

This is a nice one, funny and touching at the same time!!!!

Answer 6

Cute.

Answer 7

Nice -- well all is well if taken in right sense.

well have a nice day. peace.

Answer 8

Hahaaaah - its really nice

Answer 9

Boy, Christian humor is lame!

Answer 10

lmao