Ok, I consider chatting online with girls is cheating. How common is it for deployed husbands, or wives in the military to cheat this way? Why? How do I trust him for the rest of his deploymnet which is about 10 more months, so yeah, he started right away pretty much. He says he is so sorry and begs me not to leave him. I don't know what to do. I am miserable and in pain.
2006-09-30 15:54:59 · 16 answers · asked by lees girl 4 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Yes it was deep convo's! Yes I'm sure he was doing this before he left. We are married with two kids.
2006-09-30 16:16:09 · update #1
you think that chatting online with another girl is cheating? WOW... in that case, i'd venture to say that every guy you've ever known or dated in your life has cheated on you.
talking is just that-- TALKING. there's no action involved... so contact, no intercourse, no nothing. for all you know, it was just socialization. if you think that talking to other girls is cheating, then i'd go so far as to say that you've got some serious trust issues and this is a way of exercising control over your spouse.
if you're miserable and in pain, do yourself a favor-- get a hobby! he's NOT sleeping with someone else, no kissing anyone else and certainly not doing anything with anyone else. talking is NOT cheating.. it's called socializing. dont you want him to have friends?
get a grip, and a clue. otherwise, you're always going to be miserable and in pain... and alone.
2006-09-30 16:00:54 · answer #1 · answered by brooke44 3 · 3⤊ 5⤋
I wish you both the best of luck... But two, you have to realize how far he is and the situations that he is facing... A lot of those guys only way to communicate is on line... Why are you bothered by something that he can't touch or feel... Only you know what that's like, only you had the real thing.... He has almost 10 more months left, so anything that he's doing now I'm sure is only for the moment.. It's not like he can go and see them or act on it... I don't know what it is about MEN and the Internet or a lot of other things for that matter. But that's know reason to leave your husband... Stop being so hard on him, mistakes happen... Heck, there's not to much he can be doing if he's deployed...
Keep him happy, he deserves that.. You don't want to cause him to not be able to focus on the things that he needs to focus on... Come on now, if your a military spouse you suppose to be ready for all these things and know how to handle them...
Hang in there that's your husband you guys need each other... Let him know you don't appreciate it and move on...
OH YEAH................... (WHEN YOU LOOK FOR THINGS YOU GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT)
2006-10-04 08:42:57 · answer #2 · answered by The'Truth 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yup, so my husband's brother chatted online with girls a couple times, but bro's wife screwed one of his friends (get this--an MP already on his way out on adultery charges) AND his gunner, so who's the devil there?
This might freak you out, but did you know there's probably REAL girls where he's stationed? If he's talking to people online, consider yourself lucky. It also sounds bad to say this, but consider why he might be. Divorce/cheating isn't like rape, where it's never the victim's fault. My neighbor's husband cheated on her, but in reality, she's a freaking overbearing paranoid psycho who takes pleasure in nothing except wasting money and has no control over her own life but tries to control his, so hmm, is it possible he was looking for an escape or a little slice of sanity from that? Don't get me wrong, I don't condone cheating, but there could be reasons why he's venturing elsewhere, even for "deep" conversation. Maybe he feels something is missing in your relationship. Maybe he feels your lack of trust is putting a damper on your relationship. Sounds like there COULD be an underlying issue here that you should address instead of just banning him from the computer and expecting that it's all fixed.
To the girl who asked if you were trying to scare other military wives...HA!!! She must be new and/or sheltered. During our last deployment, I saw women literally pack their bags, sell their furniture, and be gone when their husband got back--without giving him a warning!!! Pack their bags, left the furniture, but ETS'ed home with someone else. Took their kids and moved in with a b/f. Got knocked up by a barely-legal dependant waiting to enlist. Screwed half the people she worked with, half of her husband's friends, and that was BEFORE the deployment. Military wives are NOT Susie Homemakers across the board. Open your eyes. Life's a *****.
2006-10-02 07:38:50 · answer #3 · answered by desiderio 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is quite common. I would argue he was probably doing it long before he deployed. You have to ask yourself this question...If he was in a store and started talking to a woman, would you consider that cheating too? Just chatting, no, I don't think that is cheating. BUT...if he is having "Cyber Sex" and getting nasty sharing thoughts, yep, that could be cheating. Take it for what it is. It's not like he is having physical contact....and being thousands of miles away...it's all he has.
2006-09-30 16:02:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should know your boundaries. If he does, then he knows chatting for you is not cool, and should not have done it.
If you haven't made that clear in the past, make it clear now.
There's no way of keeping tabs on him while he's away (unless you've got a snitch on the inside!). So your best bet is to trust him. He's probably in a lot of pain too, having hurt you. And just imagine what he's going through just being there.
Offer to chat with him daily (or nightly) and make it a little naughty. You may just give him the "oomph" that he needs to still feel a part of normal society.
2006-09-30 16:05:07 · answer #5 · answered by Nikki 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
wow, cheating on his wife and family?! yeah, thats too crazy for me to answer but i will try. as far as the other responses go, some a lil too harsh, if i were you i would file for divorce or seek marriage counceling.a woman scorn is a hard thing to overcome without help. once a cheat always a cheat so do know that he is surely gettin it on still if he already did. guys are not like us, women tend to "stand by their man" while men tend to slip into anything willing! if you stay with him, make him get a test....you need to be around for those kids! good luck.
2006-09-30 16:42:58 · answer #6 · answered by t 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yeah its rough. from somebody whos been there and survived, its all gonna depend on u. balls in ur court...how long have u been with this guy? this the first time...that u know of? ive been deployed before and theres a lotta opportunities to stray...i know its not what u wanna hear, im just bein real with u. and if he did do something, youd never know unless u got somebody out there with him. u gotta trust in ur relationship. if he deploys the way it is now, with the situation like this, its gonna be easy for him to find solace elsewhere. u need to resolve this before he leaves. trust me. if you leave it wide open, its only gonna get worse. but yeah im with u...online or otherwise, cheating is cheating. he has to know u wont tolerate it...if he loves you, hell be straight with u
2006-09-30 16:01:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
No my husband never did that he spend every minute ,what he had, calling me or writing me.
I would not call that cheating.
Its definitely something he did wrong and shouldn`t have done it.
If you married you should be committed to each other and instead of chatting online with other girls you should have chatted with you.
Give him another chance,but make sure that you tell him if he does it again it means to you that he is not completely committed to you and you will have to make your decision base on that.
Good luck.
2006-10-04 02:30:58 · answer #8 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
When I was in the Navy, Married sailors would go out and fool around with women they meet in foreign ports.
I got so sick of it one day, I wrote on the chalk board (with chalk of course!) in the ship's library
"DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW YOU CHEATED ON HER?"
That wasn't a message to anyone in particular, only those that know they committed adultry.
Everyone on the ship was talking about it. I kept quite about it until the end of Deployment .
2006-09-30 16:39:19 · answer #9 · answered by Gardenfoot 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Dear,
Contact family services they can provide counseling and recommend groups you join and things you can volunteer to keep busy and to stay close to your husband. God bless you and the Southern People.
2006-09-30 16:06:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋