I was aware of his beliefs before we got married, but they never bothered me. I was raised to believe that everyone has the right to believe in what they want.
Tonight I asked my husband a question about what he plans to tell our children when they ask him why he doesn't go to church with us. He told me that he plans to tell them exactly what he is, then became very defensive with me, telling me that he doesn't judge me and I shouldn't judge him. I wasn't judging him, I was asking what he would tell them!
I give him his space to read his books and such, and he gives me my space to go to church and all. Never has this caused problems with us before. Now all of a sudden its like I'm the bad guy and I'm hurting him. How can I make him understand that our religions differ and that we don't have to agree on all aspects of it? I'm also concerned about what our children will think.
2006-09-30 15:30:17 · 36 answers · asked by kinndee 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I knew about his "religion" before we married. It never bothered me because he has never pressed it on me or pushed me to believe what he believes. I believe that everyone has their right to believe what they want. I have not pressed him to believe what I believe either. I went to a Christian school for 3 years, so I know that the Bible states to be equally yoked.
I have never asked him to stop believing, I have never asked him to believe what I believe, I have never asked him not to buy a book regarding his religion. As I said, I believe that we all have our beliefs.
2006-10-01 04:15:19 · update #1
I am a Wiccan High Priest and to me, both you and your husband sound like reasonable people.
If you bring up your children to be as tolerant as you two seem to be, they should understand his faith (and yours) perfectly well. They'll also understand that neither of you is "right" or "wrong" about matters of faith. Each person has to decide for themselves what is the path for them.
There's no reason to keep his religion secret. It is an ancient and honorable one and he has every right to be proud of his faith (and so do you). Keeping secrets from children, especially in matters of faith, can make them believe there's something wrong about it.
Also bear in mind that it is against our religion to attempt to convert ANY one (including our own children). If your husband is true to Wiccan Law, your children will only come to the Craft by their own initiative and not your husband's.
My wife is a Wiccan High Priestess who was born to a Witch mother. I came to the Craft on my own over forty years ago. Our kids know of our beliefs and accept them but have evidenced no interest whatever in religion, whether ours or any other. Maybe someday they'll become Witches like us or Catholic like their Grandma or born-again Christian like their "Uncle" Rick or any number of other things.
As long as they live honorable lives and are happy, we don't care.
Blessed be.
2006-09-30 16:59:39 · answer #1 · answered by marianddoc 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My wife and I have been married 13 years and almost 14. I was a Christian when we married and I baptized her.
6 years ago I left Christianity and she had problems at first, but we over came this and now she accepts me as I am. I have been Wiccan now for 3 years. We do not have children and are not going to have any, unless it is an accident, which we try very hard to avoid.
We are very close and since we do not have kids, we spend a lort of time together bonding with each other.
I believe with time and patience you and your husband can work this out if you communicate and get close to each other, and if you are close get closer.
A christian a pagan can have a good life together. You should have discussed this before marriage, but what is done is done now, so just sit down and try and talk to him and assure him that you were merely asking and you are not judging.
2006-09-30 17:19:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He probably felt taken aback by your question. What exactly are you going to tell the kids about your religion? Just asking him that implied that you don't think he should tell them about who he is. And religion does define who a person is. Your religion is the basis of what you do in your life. You pretty much asked him if he's going to tell the children who he is. You might have gotten offended if the shoe was on the other foot.
By no means am I jumping all over you. Your kids do need to know what you both believe in. And with the 2 religions ya'll are, it is liable to be quite complicated. You need to just explain to him that you were only inquiring of how you might be able to approach your children about BOTH of your religions in a way that will be less confusing to your children. You obviously love him and have a good head on your shoulders because religious differences cause huge rifts with closeminded people. But your kids are going to wonder what is right and wrong and which one of you is right in their religion. Just be patient with your kids when these questions come up. Let them understand that they will come to understand more when they are older and be able to choose what religion they believe in and that whatever they choose is okay with you both.
If the aspect of them choosing your husband's religion is wrong to you, then you are going to have serious problems in the future. You both need to seriously talk this over without the animosity of thinking the other is right or wrong in their religion.
Good luck, hon and blessed be!
2006-09-30 15:51:33 · answer #3 · answered by LadyMagick 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree that both you and your husband should be honest to the children about what you both believe. They should be taught about both, but not forced to believe. If they ask to go to church, take them. If they ask for your husband to take them to one of hid gatherings, let him. But only do either of these things if they ask.
I am Wiccan, but I will not raise my children as such. They will know what I believe, but I will also make an effort to teach them about other religions, so when they are old enough, they can decide for themselves.
BB
)0(
2006-10-01 08:57:53 · answer #4 · answered by Seph7 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't think about this before you got married? Oh boy.
Yes, he was a bit defensive there, I would agree. I'm sure he was overreacting a little.
However, as a fellow Pagan, i have to agree that just telling the children flat out that he worships differently is the right thing to do. If you are going to truly live in a tolerant mixed relationship, then that means that the children should be exposed to both faiths, and allowed, when old enough to really understand, to choose what faith works for them, be it christian, pagan, or something else altogether.
If you can't live with that, then there either needs to be no children ever, or you need to leave before there are any. It's not fair to you , to expect you to cooperate if you spiritually cannot. And it's not fair to him, to expect him to hide his faith, and not share it with his own flesh and blood.
Good Luck, and may your god bless you....
2006-09-30 15:39:52 · answer #5 · answered by Randi L 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋
I am a Celtic Pagan/christian myself . and to me it sounds like your husband is not quite growen up yet in his reactions . I would bet that both of you are under fourty years of age . you may be more mature about the issue . but he is still thinking in terms of me and I. more than a bit selfish on his part.
To try an help with this unessary problem . remind him gently that the Christian Church took much of the Pagan Rites and Rituals from them to try and convert them to the Christian religion.
Have gone to Christian services my selfe and have yet to be struck down by the CREATOR for doing so . have even taken the wafer and wine ceramony. without any ill effects the trick is in the mind of thinking of the rituals in the terms that he knows and converting the sermon or rite into whats comferable for him to think about.
its either that or hes having a crises of faith him self about the children. And how to raise them.
Both of you need to practice what your religions have taught you . to cool out and be calm.
Ask your minister if he would have any objections if your husband came to church . then the desion would be up to your husband as to weither or not he would mind going with you once in a while. Not my best reply but hope it will sufice as it is a touchy subject.
)o(
blessed be.
2006-09-30 16:14:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
from a male perspective. and a pagan perspective.
right now we are watching the Government take our rights to freedom of religion away. they are trying to ban gay marriage. the VA does not recognize the Pentacle as a symbol of religion and many Wicca and Pagan soldiers are buried without their religious symbol on their grave markers. even Atheist's have an approved symbol.
when you ask him what he plans to tell the kids when they ask why he does not go to church with you and them. you are already putting him on the defensive. because it seems like you want him to lie to your children about it. actually your children should already know. if you hide it from them then it makes it seem wrong. you do not hide things that are not wrong. furthermore they will have a strong christian influence by the time that they would ask him that. and they may not take it well when he tells them that he is the exact thing that the pastor has been preaching against.
if you are concerned about what your children will think the best bet is to slowly expose them to Paganism and Wicca beliefs.
and explain that there are differences. but both are true and good religions and allow them to choose what they will follow.
maybe you should find a nice spiritual church and go there together once in awhile. Diversity can only help your kids to be more tolerant.
2006-09-30 15:50:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Okay, after reading the questions and the answers posted at the time, I have too many thought to form. so I"ll just try to make statements.
Yes: Wicca is a religion, it's major centers in the USA are in Texas and Nebraska, i think.
God is acknowledge in the Wicca faith, all be it obscurely, but he is there.
You both have different rewards awaiting you in the next life. don't even worry about it.
Don't even talk about religion in the house. How many Christians were burned at the stake by Wiccas? How many wiccan forced Christians to lose their jobs, children homes. I've seen christian people declare a mother insane because she follows the Wicca faith.
Wiccans are going to be very defensive when it come to religion. They've been burned, tortured, humiliated, fired, starved, ostracized, and otherwise treated like crap. They've been through (and are still going through ) more hell that any of the more popular sects.
He's not angry with you, but you did just become the thing that make him defensive. Let the children ask for them selves. and if the question come up " Well, which one's right ?" just say " God only knows "
2006-09-30 15:48:13 · answer #8 · answered by Odindmar 5 · 2⤊ 4⤋
This is why Paul warned us about being unequally yoked to unbelievers. (II Corinthians 6:14) It almost always causes friction in a marriage.
I cannot begin to count the number of times I have had to counsel a spouse of an unbeliever after they've had disagreements over tie at church, how to raise the kids, whether to give money to the church, etc.
I am truly sorry about what you are going through. The best thing I can recommend is to pray for peace in your home, and also the salvation of your husband. Only then will this problem really go away.
2006-09-30 15:37:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
It's a pity you didn't discuss this before you married. You are now "unequally yoked" with another person, who worshipps other Gods than you do! While Christians do recognize that other religions exist, there is a scriptural ban on marrying people outside the faith. I'm amazed you missed this!
I don't know if you have children or not yet. If you already do, or are planning to have kids together, you are indeed set up for conflict.
You are a monotheist, a Christian. For you, there is only one God. Your husband has more than one god. He DOES NOT worship Jesus Christ IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.
Did you agree before marrying that your children would be raised Christian? Do you not realize that your husband may want to take his kids to one of his religious gatherings? That is also his right. If each of you is allowed your own religion as an opinion, then you may each teach your kids ALL ABOUT your respective religions.
You are set up for conflict and disagreement, unless one of you recants their faith, and embraces the other's religion, you will remain so. Good luck.
2006-09-30 15:40:44 · answer #10 · answered by MamaBear 6 · 1⤊ 5⤋