Why don't people RSVP before a party?

Question

I issued about a dozen invitation to a birthday party for a 4 year old. At the bottom of the invitation I put in large print RSVP along with my phone number.

Only 4 people called me to let me know if their child would or would not be coming. (2 yes and 2 no)

I didn't know how many kids would be there, so I bought loot bags and contents for all the rest, assuming they might show up. This cost me $50! Only 4 children showed up.

I feel this is highly inconsiderate of the other parents not to let me know if they will be there. I had to buy loot bags and food for all the parents and kids who didn't show up so that I wouldn't be short of supplies if they decided to attend. What a waste of money.

I don't get it!!!!!

Answer 1

I agree!! I had the same problem with my wedding, people just would not RSVP. When I rang them up, they all made excuses (they forgot, were too busy and some even said they just assumed that I knew they would be there).

I think it is really rude, it seems that there are so many people out there that are only interested in themselves.

At the wedding, I made a speech to thank everyone who did RSVP and that the only hassle for the entire event was the lack of RSVP.

I have found that a way to combat this problem is - I send out the invitation with the date but without some other information (I might leave out the time or say it is fancy dress but not what to dress as). That way, people need to contact me for more information when they RSVP. I am honest about it (so people don't think that I am a bimbo that can not write an invitation), letting people know that they can have all the information when they RSVP.

Answer 2

Hi,

I just asked this very question the other day. Here are a few comments in addition to the good ones already made by the other posters here.

No matter how you look at it, it's just plain rude to not RSVP! I think some people don't really want to commit to attending in case some "better" offer comes along before your scheduled event. They want to keep their options open as late as possible. Of course, that is no excuse for that behavior, only one possible explanation.

I have tried calling parents who have not RSVP'ed to see if they are coming or not. I tend to get the same results. Either they say yes, & don't come or say they don't know yet, & then either show up or not. They don't understand that is a great inconvenience & cost to the hosting family.

On the other hand, I just cannot bring myself to turn a child away or deprive a child of a goodybag because their parents are too impolite to RSVP properly. The sad part is, since those kids never learn from their parents, they will probably grow up to be adults who also don't know any better.

We should offer the following guidelines when receiving invitations with RSVP on them:

1) If you want to come, mark it in your personal calendar and then immediately contact the host to confirm you will be there.

2) If a "better" offer comes along after that, that's too bad. You already have plans. If it's an emergency, contact the host & explain, I'm sure they will understand.

3) If the same people continue to demonstrate poor manners in this department, then they should seriously be considered candidates to be left off of the next guest list.

4) Thinking that maybe some might not understand what RSVP meant, I also printed next to it, please call 123-4567 phone number by 1-2-3 date so we can have an exact count of guests, thank you. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to help. The people who are going to be rude, are going to be rude no matter how simply you spell it out to them.

5) Some hosts handle the problem by stating "regrets only" instead of "RSVP" That means they assume everyone will be attending unless they call to inform otherwise. Of course that option is not available for events that require an exact headcount.

As far as the extra party supplies you have on hand, all I can suggest is to save them for a future party & try not to invite the "manner deadbeats." Sorry about your bad experience. I'm sure a lot of us other parents here can totally relate to that!

Answer 3

I AGREE! I'm going through the same thing. For some reason, people do not RSVP nor do they send thank you cards for gifts! AND they show up to dinner parties empty handed without a gift for the hostess.

It seems that people are rude and forget their manners more and more often. Shame on those who do not RSVP and just show up. I sent out 50 invitations and only three friends decided to RSVP by "Oh, by the way... I'm coming to the party." I have no idea how many or who to expect.

I think that this is a GREAT question. I wish that I asked it.

Answer 4

I hear this all the time!! I'm a Brownie leader and just had a party for my 9 year old. 4 of 8 invited never called, and 2 that said they were coming didn't show. (Fortunately 2 that came had sibIings along.) I really think people are so wrapped up in themselves these days that manners are just tossed aside.
Plus, they don't know what RSVP means anymore (It's French, after all)

Answer 5

Always call the people a day or 2 before to find out if they are coming of you did not hear from them. Sometimes these things can slip the mind of busy people.

$50 on loot bags? my suggestion is not to do them at all in the future but perhaps have a pinata and what the kids pick up from the ground can be the loot bag.

Answer 6

I would imagine that atleast 2 of them meant to RSVP and were too busy or completly forgot. As for the rest, I wouldn't be surprised if some people don't even know what RSVP stands for, and they probably just thought they'd do it later, then forgot, or got too busy, or figured "I'm not sure if we can go...oh well, I'm just one person, it won't matter that much." I agree with you, it's very inconsiderate.

Answer 7

fairly typically per week earlier the party, even with if this may in elementary words be suggested so as that folk RSVP through 5 days earlier the party; maximum will RSVP late, so set the ultimate date somewhat early. wish you each and every of the perfect!

Answer 8

I love Davina'a answer. Leave out info so they have to call!
The other way is to call everyone, and ask. Very time consuming, and long distance might be expensive, but at least you would get a count of how many will be there.
Sometimes I wonder if people don't answer just because they are too chicken to admit they do not want to go to that party!

Answer 9

Because somewhere in the 1960's or 70's all social etiquette went out the window. Each man for him or herself. People are quite entitled these days as well. I bet you if someone who never RSVP'd actually attended the party, they'd be the first to make a negative comment about something - the food, the hostess, etc. It's quite interesting isn't it?

Answer 10

I guess that is just how people are, they assume too many things. We live in a fast paced world and some people to not have the time to be courteous.