What disorder is this? Domestic violence and control issues. Unhealthily controlled by his Mom.?

Question

My ex husband's mother controls him & all of the money, business & personal affairs. He isn’t a push over to anyone else. He has a controlling personality as well. When they scream & fight, she always wins. He has punched holes in the walls & has even hit himself with objects while screaming at her. She can push him over the edge. He said he did it to shock her but he slit his wrist in front of her. She just screamed “Good you deserve it.”
He was terribly controlling of me & my 13 yr old. That is why I filed for divorce. He went as far as to head butt me in the face. He was mostly emotionally & verbally abusive. He video taped me & my daughter trying to get us upset or angry to prove that we were the ones who needed mental help. He accused me of cheating & that I was trailer trash. I am the furthest thing from that stereo type. He blamed me for almost every problem he had.
The odd part is that he can be very caring & giving. He use to get insanely angry only every other month or 3 months. Then the span grew closer & he seemed moody & angry all the time, but he only directed it on me every once in awhile. Before we separated he had become very unpredictable. He could be loving one moment and infuriated the next.
If any one has a suggestion of what disorder he is suffering from please help. Can I make him realize that he needs help??

Answer 1

No one can diagnose anyone without meeting them. However, this combined circumstances sound like a classic domestic violence situation. His diagnosis is immaterial. What is most important is your safety. You haven't said, but if you haven't moved out to a safe place, you should do so as soon as it is safe to do so.

There are effective treatments available, but most men will avoid them unless they are court ordered to attend. You will need to file assault charges (or the equivalent in your jurisdiction) in order to have a judge order him into treatment, or have it included in the divorce/child custody decree. Most such treatments are in a group format.

In reality, you cannot "make him realize" anything. The thought itself is going to drive you crazy. What he's done before, he's likely to do again, unless he decides to change. You can make it more likely by pursuing legal means, but not by trying to convince him. There are no magic words you can utter.

Best of luck to all of you. You could use some support, too. Also, it would not be unusual for your daughter to have some after effects. Monitor her school performance and general mood, and if warranted, enroll her in counseling, too.

Answer 2

That is in no way, shape, or form Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Just had to clear that up.

No clear diagnosis comes up to me when I read this. Of course no one could diagnose someone just by reading your opinion of his behavior. All I can say is that it is obvious that his upbringing and relationship with his mother is probably causing most of this. This sort of thing, amongst others happens when a mother is too involved or too controlling with her child.

Because of the cycle of his moods I would say it might be Bipolar. but for him to change every other month or so, that would be pretty fast for someone with bipolar. If there are more than 3 or 4 episodes per year they are considered "rapid-cyclers".

Honestly I don't think it matters what his issue is. The bottom line is that he obviously isn't healthy emotionally and you are better off living without him. There aren't labels for every problem or behavior. I think you could benefit from counseling to deal with your divorce. I hope your 13 year old isn't his child. If he/she is I would be wary when it comes to visitation or custody. Good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds a lot to me like Borderline Personality Disorder. They see the world in black or white only with nothing in between. You're either the best or the worst person there ever was. It's cyclical and unpredictable.

Answer 4

Well I don't believe you can blame this on a mental condition. The man is abusive, angry, has no respect for women (although he's got at least two women who are enabling his behaviour!!!) You can't make him realize he needs help, there's a sick emeshment with his mother, he's probably ate up with resentment..For your child's sake and your own..love yourself enough to let them go.

Answer 5

adequate (kinfolk violence) snoozing With the Enemy (kinfolk violence) The Burning mattress (kinfolk violence) the main appropriate to Kill (kinfolk violence) Mortal strategies (kinfolk violence) one hundred twenty Days of Sodom aka Salo (rape, administration, sexual abuse) bare in the back of Bars (rape, penitentiary abuse) Tuff Turf (boyfriend/lady buddy abuse) worry (comparable, plus rape) Sleepers (rape, violence) A Boy's existence (kinfolk violence, infant abuse) Deliverance (rape, different) Mystic River (violence) Deuces Wild Blue Steele Taking Lives American Psycho (rape, sexual violence)

Answer 6

consult a homeopath as there is a specific remedy for him!!!

that was exactly the behaviour of my ex's ex!
she told me that his moods improved wen she changed their diets! it was fresh fruit for brekky, salad n avocado for lunch and fish or turkey with salad / veg for tea. he also took ginseng & vitamin b.
every time he had coffee, beef & homogenised milk he would lose it and abuse her, but he was also on withdrawal from some type of upper. she left for fear the children would treat her the same as he was doing, but they did anyway
its 'funny' that he has blamed his mom n sister for them not being a family now!!
a hair analysis would pin point his vitamin deficiencies!
but if you get him the homeopathic remedy and he wants to change his diet, things could be the way they should be

Answer 7

Sounds like mama's boy syndrom to me. The anger is just that, anger. He should try some anger management classes.

Answer 8

He sounds like a control freak with anger issues. Sounds like he got it from his mom. I don't have a degree to diagnose him. I hope he gets help from someone who can.

I hope you and your daughter are getting help in dealing with it too.

Answer 9

Bi-polar (manic or depressed or extreme bi-polar with bad swings to both extremes and all in between).
Schitzophrenia - aggressiveness and denial and trying to prove that you and your daughter need help not him - he lives in his own world - not in you and your daughter's reality.

Answer 10

Sounds bi polar to me.