im 15 nearly 16 and i had noticed my dad was acting funny and then he admitted to my mum that he has been having and affair with a women in america for 5 years. my mum seems to be trying to forget because she says that she loves him but i cant every time i see my dad i just want to smack him. how can i over come this feeling and get on with my life.
2006-09-30 11:26:37 · 19 answers · asked by mixed up 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You're not alone. I'm thirty and found out about my Dad was doing the same, unfortunately my parents did split up after 30 years of marriage.
I was very angry with my Dad, but you need to try and remember, our parents are just like us, if we are in a relationship, and are not happy and can't sort things out, then we would leave, or finish it, but because they are our parents, we seem to forget that they are no differnet. I was very angry with my dad and didn't want to speak to him, but I did get over this and now we get on fine.
I wrote him a letter to explain how I feel and it really worked, i was able to say everything, how I felt sorry for my Mum, how I never wanted to meet the other woman, and the sense of loss I felt losing my family unit. It really got through to him
I think it is harder the older you get.
Ultimately, what goes on between your parents is between them ,and while it effects you, you cannot effect it in return, so try and keep a good relationship going with your Dad, it's important and you may regret it if you don't. Understand your parents are humans too, and can make mistakes or behave badly.
Talk to as many people as possible if it helps, but try to remain nuetral with your parents and let them make the right decisions for them.
In the end both my parents are much, much happier now they're separated, and I want them to be happy, they had only stayed together for many years, for the family and me and my brother, they were both miserable underneath, and they would have possibly carried on like this, and no one can be expected to live their life like this.
Get angry with your dad, tell him how you feel, but what ever you do, continue to have a relationship with him, I cant stress this enough, he needs you as much as you need him and you can guarantee this is tearing him up as much as it is you and others.
I'm sorry for your situation, but stay strong and keep talking, don't let it ruin your life and learn from their mistakes, if your not happy in the future, have the strength to do something about it and not cheat, lie and decieve as this is the worst hurt.
Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.
2006-09-30 22:10:29 · answer #1 · answered by Jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really really feel for you - what a terrible bombshell for you. And of course for your mother too. But the thing is, that at the end of the day we are all human - even your Dad. We all make mistakes and we all act like a plonker at some stage in our life. It is hard to see your parents as people who make mistakes as you have been looking up to them all our lives. But they do. It doesn't mean you have to agree with what your father did. You can tell him that it really hurts and tell him that it makes you angry but at the end of the day, he is still your father and he doesn't love you any less. The most important thing you can do is not become bitter and not to let it eat into you. Support your Mum as much as you can and make sure you have someone you can really talk about the situation to - the more you can express your feelings, the less bitter you are likely to come. You can get through this -and although it might be a bit strained for a while, your relationship with your father can be OK again - if you let it, time will heal. All the best and good luck.
2006-09-30 18:35:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accepting it and getting over it are two different things.
I don't think you should accept it, but you can get over it.
1) Realize your Dad is just a man. He is not perfect. He was once as goofy as the boys in your school.
2) Realize that what he did was wrong. Humans don't do the right thing always...even if they are your father.
3)Realize that you can still love him for the good things he has done for you.
4) Demand that he do the right thing by you from now on. Your Mother has to make her own decision and fight her own battle. What's right for you may not be right for her. She will have to live with the consequences of her decision.
2006-09-30 18:32:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately most things about adolescence are crap. Im 26, and I only recently got over some stuff I learned about my dad when i was about your age(I wouldnt repeat it on a public forum). It took growing up and having kids of my own, to realize that my parents, for all their downfalls and mistakes, are only human at the end of the day. For the moment, tho, always remeber that there are two sides to every story, before you demonize your dad, and that none of this has changed the fact he loves you, which is actually what matters.
2006-09-30 18:47:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouf! Tough situation and luckily one that I personally had to go through. However I have several friends who dealt with that situation. Based on what I learned from them, here's how I suggest you approach it. If you want to be able to move on from this.
1) Make sure to talk to your Dad about your feelings. Tell him, actions really hurt you and tell him you want to smack him. (But don't actually hit him!)
2) Understand that what your parents chose to do, is between them and that neither should put you in any more of an ackward situation that you are already in!
3) Be willing to forgive him, but don't do it prematurly.
4) Be willing to seek third party help - little do you realise how much this will affect how you will deal with men in your life. Don't seek to replace what you had with your Dad from someone else.
5) Pay close attention to your mother and what she's going through.
6) Keep those lines of communication open!!!
Good luck!
2006-09-30 18:41:52 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its very difficult for you as your illusions of your dad have been well and truly shattered. Try getting together with your mom and dad and talking this over as although it primarily is between them it also has a knock on effect to you...you need to tell your dad, frankly, exactly how you feel about how he has behaved before you can begin the healing process...good luck
2006-10-01 07:58:30 · answer #6 · answered by widow_purple 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've finally found out that us parents are not perfect hun. But at the end of the day, no matter how angry you are feeling towards him, he is still your dad. Life isn't black and white, and no marriage is perfect. Your mum is willing to forgive and forget, so you must support her in that decision. Life will get better, no matter how it seems right now. x
2006-09-30 18:40:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
as you get older you will understand that things aint always what they seem. just because this has happened it dont mean your dad dont love you anymore. People fallin and out of love all the time and unfortunatliy these things happen. you need to think do you ever want to see or speak to your father again? If you want him in your life you have to learn to forgive him. Time is all you need
2006-10-01 06:01:53 · answer #8 · answered by Donna D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remember this your dad loves you and if not your fault that things have not worked out well with your parents;now that it is in the open maybe your dad wants to give up this women,give him a chance to tell his side of the story;after all you do not know what goes on behind closed bedroom doors or when your not home
2006-09-30 18:31:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your dad how you are feeling because he is the one in the wrong not you. have a talk with your mum as well because even through she loves him he doesn't love her. if he did he would have more respect for her. i hope you can get over this as it sound like it is eating you up inside. talk to youe parent and good luck
2006-10-01 04:20:06 · answer #10 · answered by louise b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋