why is my 5 year old going to the bathroom in his pants?

Question

Kindergarten started in August for my 5 year old son, now the last 2 weeks he has started pooping his pants, when asked why, he says I didn't mean to. But he admits he knew he had to go. He has one kid in his class that makes him nervous, because he is naughty and always in trouble. He was sent home friday for going in his pants, he promised never to do it again and he just did at McDonalds. I am at witts end. He is not sexually abused, he is either with me or school. He is not physically or verbally abused either. He has been going potty in the toilet for a long time with no problems..Any suggestions??

Answer 1

Bless your heart! This sounds frustrating. It also sounds like you've already researched this looking for causes.

There are some sites that talk about "toilet training regression", but it looks like they mostly deal with younger children. The first URL, though is a forum with some moms with kids in the same age range as yours running into this problem. (One mentions that her daughter wasn't able to attend school because of it.) I've put it here just so you'll know that you're in good company.

I think you're on the right track thinking about the school situation and the kid who makes him nervous. "What to Expect The Toddler Years", by Eisenberg et. al., suggests

- checking with the doctor. "Occasionally a toileting relapse has a medical cause"

- Deal with any stress. "Sometimes a toddler's regression is not a battle for control but a statement of unhappiness"

- Offer him more control in other areas. I guess the idea with that is that he may feel upset and trapped in an unhappy situation he has little control over, so he's taking control of what he can: his bowel movements.

- "Nix name calling", i.e. try not to humiliate him, if possible. (But from your letter, you don't sound like the type of person who would do that anyhow.)

Your son is not so much a toddler anymore, but some of this may still apply. Talking to a pediatrician seems like a good place to start. I'll bet pediatricians see this A LOT. And hopefully there'll be some ideas about how to relieve his stress over the school situation. Talking to your son's teacher might also be a good idea, and if it's possible for you or your son's father to volunteer in the classroom now and then to see things firsthand, that might help too.

I wonder if a rewards system would help? "If you can get through one day, you get a gold star, and when you have five gold stars, we do thus-and-such". I don't know if children that young are wired up to understand delayed gratification, though.

And in the meantime, well, good luck with the balancing act of treating him kindly during this frustrating situation. I can pretty much guarantee that this problem won't be going on a year from now, but in the meantime it has to be kind of rough going.

Good luck to you and your little guy!

Answer 2

I have read all of the answers you have so far and decided to put my 2 cents in. My ex wife has the same problem with her little boy she had with her second husband. She has dealt with this problem for a full year with no fix yet. I'll tell you what i think the problem is. If it started when he was first placed into kindergarten the first time he did it ...he was afraid of the environment you put him in. But when he was sent home it produced the results that he wanted so even though it was a mess for you he didn't mind the uncomfort he was in since he was removed from his problem. His school is important to you cause you know he needs to learn but it isnt important to him and he is probably being a little bullied by the naughty kid. The only way to fix this is work with the teachers at the school to make him feel comfortable at school. Otherwise if he just keeps getting sent home he will continue doing it for a long time so he will keep getting removed from what he has decided in his mind is not good

Answer 3

It could be that he just doesn't want to take time to go to the potty. When he was a Mac Donald's, was he eating or playing in the recreational area. My guess he was playing. He would rather poop now and keep playing than to take time out and go potty. What type of punishment doe he get when he poops in his pants? None, 2 minute lecture ( which he ignores). If the root cause is he just would rather poop and continue playing, then the punishment should be not to play. Sit in a corner with no distractions... no candy, no cartoons.. Let him complain... When he complains, explain to him that there are consequences to his actions.. Don't let up because he promised not to do it again. Let it go for a few days longer after he gives in. This lets him know whose in charge and the consequences are not in his favor. Remind him on a regular basis and ask if he needs to go... If he says no, then you can remind him of the consequences if he doesn't go, or you could just tell him he needs to wash his hands and send him to wash his hands.. As long as he is in there, he might as well take care of business. It could be just rebelious phase he is going through. (Cousin had that problem for a while)

Answer 4

He may have preformacne anxiety in the school bathroom, he may be frightened of the school bathroom, he may be acting out in an attempt to get out of school and return to the time at home with you that he is used to... or there could be a physical problem...

Take him to the dr and rule out the physical problem, talk to him about why he won't use the restroom ask him if he is nervous or scared in anyway... You will likely find out it's one small thing (a kid picking on him, or a bathroom with a creepy feeling for him) If it's a kid picking on him teach him a few ways of dealing with it and inform the school of the problem... If it's the bathroom talk to the school about allowing your son to use a different bathroom on the schol grounds... Schools are usually very accomidating..

In the meantime take a change of clothes to the school to be left with the school nurse... If your son has an accident he will have a change of clothes they can use and he will be back in class pretty quickly...

Your son may need to see a school or private psychologist to deal with his nervous feelings some kids have a lot of trouble transitioning into school... Act quickly to get him the help he needs to make the transition as positive as possible... You don't want him to permanantly equate school with the feelings he is having now that are causing him to act out inappropriately...

Talk with his teacher and the school principal /administrator they are there to help you and him make his learning/ school experience go well..

Answer 5

He sounds like an intelligent little boy. Perhaps he has a new phobia about the restrooms at school? Something negative may have occurred that is causing this. (Small children are easily scared by things that we, as adults, do not notice.) I'd speak to his pediatrician. They are great at resolving issues and helping you to help your child. For the meantime, be supportive and get him the disposable underpants. Some are made for older children. Also, talk to his teacher and take nothing for granted. You may not realize what is going on, as we cannot always be there. Question and rule out possiblities. Best bet? Ask his pediatrician. Ask his teacher if he/she has noticed any... challenges or challenging children. Bullies start at every age and unfortuantely, they do not discriminate. I wish you and your little boy luck.

Answer 6

My brother did that until he was about 10. I believe it is because he is nervous. He probably didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom. A lot of children when they are in school are afraid to raise their hands and ask the teacher if they can go to the bathroom. At McDonalds... he may not have known where the bathroom was or didn't want to go by himself. He will grow out of it. It's not from abuse or anything like that.

Answer 7

Maybe he's embarrassed to go to the bathroom. See if he can use a different bathroom at school. Maybe that kid at school has been harrassing him alot. Tell the teacher to help you out because that is probably the problem. Don't yell at him. Just praise him AGAIN for going when he does. You kind of have to backtrack and praise him for doing good. Good luck.

Answer 8

He is not comfy with the school environment. Something and somebody is bothering him and he is **** scared of it. This normally happens with kids who take some time to get adjusted to kindergarten. Also your son seems to be disciplined, but he has witnessed some rowdy kid around and that's making him nervous too. Give him some time....talk to him about his environment at KG and try and relax him.

Answer 9

School Administrator here...

I would say from what you shared; the problem is obvious. There is anopther child in his class that makes him nervous. God only knows what else is happening between them. Talk to the teacher. Check out the bathroom facilities. Make sure that your child is safe.

I suspended a child for bullying, and he was doing it in the bathroom, where no one could see.

Answer 10

My little brother did that in kindergarten. He wasn't comfortable enough to use the bathroom at school, yet couldn't wait until he got home to go. He went through a lot of underwear that year, but eventually he got to where he could hold it in longer ( he never got comfortable going at school). Sorry.