My parents recently divorced after 30 years, my Dad has change his will, do I say anything?

Question

My parents are divorcing and it's turned nasty, I'm finding the whole thing hard to deal with but have tried to remain unbiased.
The main problems have been financial and there's lots of bickering, my Mum ran up a lot of unknown debts and spent alot of inherited money promised for me and my brother.

My Dad has found out and to his credit tried to do something about it, but has ben unsuccessful, yesterday he sent me a copy of his new will.

He has changed it to share out his estate between me, my brother and his new girlfriend of 4 months, who he ran off with, who has financial issues.

I was quite upset, he made out he was going to try and protect my brothers and mine interests and then has done this, to top it all he made me executer.

I didn't want to react irrationally, but the more I think about it, the more I'm upset, Should I say something? Am I justified in being angry? Is he being a bit insensitive?

Do I question my mum (volatile control freak) about the lost money

my first details, came out wrong. My brother and I inherited about £30k each from my Nan, we left in in care of my mother, it has now gone, my dad has manged to salvage some during the divorce battle which has caused an awful lot of problems between the family, and has now changed his will to leave a third of this money to his new girlfriend.

Should I ask him about it, and should I ask what our mother did with our money. I work bloody hard and have never counted on anything from my parents, I saw myself through uni by working and grafting. I'm just cross that the main source of all the bitterness, that whether I like it or not, I got involved in, and has torn my whole family apart, is now being left to a woman we've never met, who left her dying husband for my father.

I wish them all to be happy, but as I'm executer of his new will, should I say anyhting? My Dad is no in the best of health, and I don't want problems to be the last thing we have to deal with. My mother will go mad

When I say girlfriend of four months, they had an affair and he ran off with her four months ago as she threatened to tell my mother!

they are legally divorced but are still haggling over details, they did it all the wrong way round. I'm thirty, my brother is thirty six.

Are you kidding? If I tell my mother about the will, she'll hit the roof! I'm unwillingly involved, not suicidal!

Answer 1

It seems totally foolish for your dad to change his will in favour of a woman he has only known for 4 months, and I'm not surprised you feel let down. He's known you all your life, and known her only for 4 months.
Try not to dwell on it, and try to change your mindset - say to yourself you're not expecting any money, but it would be a nice surprise if I was left any.
Perhaps don't discuss it with your dad for a few months - wait and see how things develop, if you say something it might back-fire. It will also give you time to put matters in perspective.
Don't forget it's quite common for average-size estates to all be spent on extortionately-priced residential care homes! Some retired couples choose to enjoy their money & spend large parts of it on luxury round-the-world cruises and the like after they've down-sized their home.

Answer 2

You could say something but why would you? It would just start a whole batch of new arguments with you right smack in the middle. Your dad made you executor because he trusts you. It sounds like he's trying to make up for what your mother did with your inheritance.

Don't say anything but question your dad as to why he did this. It sounds like he loves you and your siblings. I am sure that in the beginning, your mum was the executor until he found out what she did with your inheritance and that is when he changed the will.

Just leave it go and everything will be alright. It's his money. He should be able to do with it whatever he wants. Being as your parents are no longer married, your mum has no rights to his money or his will unless your dad changes it to include her.

Answer 3

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear about your parents separation. First off let a wee bit of time go by before you approach anybody. Your hurting right now, and it would be a shame to say something hurtful to anyone involved.

As for your mothers irresponsible spending, you can't cry over spilled milk, the money is gone, pick and choice your battles wisely, and that one ain't worth the aggravation. More than likely Mom will get a bit on the defensive side, and then tell you to stick it up your......well you can guess the rest!! (:

Dad's new girlfriend of 4 months.......his still HIS girlfriend of 4 months. Let her be, she's not the blame for any of this. A 30yr marriage coming to a terrible end started falling apart long before Ms. Girlfriend of 4 months came along. Let Dad have his fun, she's his distraction, when Dad comes to his God given senses he'll drop her like a bad habit.

Just be concerned with protecting what Dad gave to you and your brother. God bless, and I pray your life settles down enough for you to enjoy your parents still, as separated adults. You only get one set of parents. Love them.

Answer 4

Your parents were married for almost thirty years…
Don’t you believe your mother is entitled to anything after thirty years of marriage?
Perhaps she is spending what is owed to her for all the years she was family nurse, cook, financier, counsellor, economist, cleaner, etc. etc. etc.

I’m not sure of what to suggest to you, other than to warn you that your father can change ‘his will’ at any time in the future, and doesn’t have to let you know of the changes.
You may be the executor in this will…
There is nothing stopping him from making ‘a new will’ in which he leaves everything to his new girlfriend !
In which case, you will be the executor of nothing !!!

Your grievance should be with your mother… Not your dad.
Your nan trusted your mum to look after the money for you and your brother...
Perhaps your mum should have put the money into two separate bank accounts to be accessed by you and your brother once you reached a certain age. I think that is the standard practise.
At which case, you would have perhaps been granted access once you turned 18 or 21 years old.

Sorry, but there are perhaps only two options available to you…
1. Sue your mum for spending money that was legally yours (Assuming you can prove your legal entitlement to the money)…
2. Pretend the money never existed.

I know it is easy for me to say, but I think you need to put it behind you, and not count on anything ‘financially’ from anyone other than yourself.
Keep working hard, and doing well for yourself, and you will find that you really don’t need the inheritance.

Sorry I can’t be more helpful.
You may be able to discuss the matter with a lawyer, but in doing so, you will probably just be bringing additional costs on to yourself.

Answer 5

Hey my Dad is a senior vp at Citibank and is divorced from my Mother who is now dead. He is remarried and has 4 cars and 2 houses. He has a new daughter with his new wife. I am his only son. I have no car and he wouldn't let me borrow one when my car got destroyed. He has a life insurance policy where his new wife and daughter will get all the money. I am his only son and I am left out of his will and insurance. And the worst part is he still talks to me and acts like nothing is wrong. Does he sound insensitive the answer is yes. Should you question your Mom the answer is yes but try not to be mean about it because it will do no good. At least he's not planning on leaving you with nothing. But I understand your feelings.

Answer 6

Tell your dad that you have issues with his will, and you will not be his executor. There is not much you can do about his choices, and as for your mother, the money is gone and there is nothing to gain by bringing up her problem. Try to do the best you can for your self and do not expect any thing form either of your parents now or in the future

Answer 7

Well, the issue of money isn't the problem with your Mother, its her "volatile control freak" ways.

Oh, and if your Father marries his girlfriend, then She automatically gets half of his estate, and if she doesn't, then she still maybe entitled to a lot more, being his "live in", or she may sue you for palimony, claiming that she was his "common wife" and get more, if there is a substantial amount involved.

What your Mother does, is none of your business now. She is out of your Dad's life, assuming that they are divorced. If they arent, when your Father dies, then your Mother is still entitled to half of your Fathers estate when he passes away, and the other half will be divided up between you, your Brother and his girlfriend.

I wish you well..

Jesse

Answer 8

Well hopefully it will be a long time untill you have to worry about who gets what in your fathers will, its possible it will be changed many times before then, you should decide if money or your family is more important, if it was me, id keep my mouth shout and try to have the best relationship with all my family and encourage your Dad to spend as much of his hard earned cash as possible and enjoy his life, and for you to earn your own money and do the same.

Answer 9

Would it do any good to question your mother? (I'm amazed how selfish parents, children, relatives in general can be) As for your father; Unless he's terminal, I wouldn't worry about the girlfriend. My guess is she's temporary. But if not, remember Anna Nicole Smith? Yeh, not a dime.

Answer 10

Your parents do not OWE you an inheritance. If he wishes to leave some to the woman in his life that's his choice to make alone. Lucky for you he did not leave it all to her, when he is old she will probably be the one who has to care for him.
Go out and earn your own money, and if he leaves you something be grateful.