I would like to know how to handle this delicately. The man responsible will be out of prison October of next year, and we will have to face him in court to make it ok for me to legally adopt the two children my wife had in accordance with the rape. I love my boys very much, and she means the world to me. But alot of times I will wake up to her damn close to screaming, and along with the night terrors, which leave cuts and bruises all over her, along with a myriad of another afflictions, I'm afraid of two things. One, that she will commit suicide if I over step my boundaries (don't get me wrong I treat her like everyone else, I don't pity her), and two, I'm afraid of what I'll find out. Any advice could really help me alot.
2006-09-30 08:11:01 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
I would recommend finding therapy for her, but also, find a therapist for yourself...you deserve help too!
I would highly recommend finding a therapist who specializes in the treatment of trauma. When someone has experienced a lot of trauma, their central nervous system is constantly activated. It can be difficult to regulate emotions, and they may feel anxious and unsafe much of the time. There are various techniques that a trauma specialist can use to help discharge some of that stored traumatic energy (that lives in the body). Such techniques include EMDR http://www.emdr.com/q&a.htm and Somatic Experiencing http://www.traumahealing.com/registry.html
Good luck. You both deserve help and support
2006-09-30 08:26:06 · answer #1 · answered by EDtherapist 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't listen to JackB, the second answer on the board here.....I mean there are questions being asked on Yahoo which deserve the stupid answers, however, yours is certainly not one of them.
Second of all, don't listen to any of these religious fundamentalists on the board. Religion is good for many things, however, this type of trauma needs to be solved, not further traumatized by religion. Don't get me wrong, I love God, but I HATE religion, especially those that push there religion on people.
As others have said, YOU should go see a counsellor to inquire about a program or treatment plan to get her involved with.
She will ultimately need to re-program herself to overwrite the vivid images still engrained in her mind. The only way she is going to be able to do this is with a professional who leads the way down the path of re-programming.
It sounds to me that the one positive is going to be that after all is said and done, you, your fiance, and the two boys will be on your way to starting a family.
Also, you may want to check with a lawyer to see if he/she can represent you in court so she would not have to see that pile of puke ever again.......hopefully he got gang-raped in prison so many times that he talks with a high pitch in his voice.
2006-09-30 08:45:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have ptsd .you could probably call me half human unfortunately I don't remember a lot of things and for that some times I get really mad. I should not be alive but for some reason I am. I am half bone and half medal as far as my skeleton goes. My husband often says he thinks he will fined me dead.I think I am to stubborn for that though.I live with the hope in knowing that what goes around comes around... she needs therapy, she needs meds. and possibly sleeping pills so she can deal with the night terrors better.
2006-10-01 18:47:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be patient and I know that is tough. Tell her that the man didn't hurt the part that you love-her heart! He physically and emotionally and mentally hurt her and you understand but he didn't hurt your love for each other and that is the important thing. Let her cry it out until she can't cry anymore and then tell her she has to be strong for her kids. She was strong enough to survive the two years with him and she will survive and live without him! If the kids live in fear or suffer from her hurt then the rapist wins again!! She has to survive for them and herself and you.Tell her to try to live daily and try to not let it hold her back. She cannot let him win over her whole life.If these kids are products of the rape you will both need professional help if you are planning on keeping them. You will not be aware of how you really feel and treat them until one day it will show up in their negative actions.They already have strikes against them and you and she may unconsiously hurt them or treat them differently than you would a child of your own. Be very careful with the kids because they are victims also!You are a victim also and you seem to be trying to be the hero. Don't let on like you can handle it all alone! You need help to be ok with all of it.You have to know the very best way to take on her problems with the terrors and how to work with her toward success. You will need to learn to watch for issues you never intend to have happen in dealing with kids.You have signed on for a long heavy journey and need to know the best way to handle things so you don't lose it and walk out on her and the kids. That would be devasting later for them all.Make sure you can handle it by getting help! Ask God for the strength and pray daily with her and the kids. Read the Bible for direction and rely on God for everything. Thank Him for every good day and nights that she gets to sleep through without terrors.I will pray for you all now before sending this.God will get you through this if you give it to Him.If you need to talk you can contact me and I will listen.I advise you to seek out professional therapy for everyone. God is blessing you for standing by them! Best wishes!
2006-09-30 08:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
DON'T LISTEN TO SOME OF THESE ASSHOLES THAT ARE TELLING YOU TO LEAVE HER.
I don't know you and I'm absolutely not qualified or experienced at all to answer your question correctly. But I just have to say that I'm really really proud of your decision. Wanting to help your fiance and wanting to be there for her and get through this tough dilemma is the greatest thing you can do for her and the kids.
I have to agree with the people who said you guys should see a professional who'll be experienced and who'll know how to deal with these kinda situations and problems.
I'm completely positive about the fact that she'll recover one day and you guys will live a happy life.
God bless y'all!
2006-09-30 08:27:17 · answer #5 · answered by Adorable Angel 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Going to counseling with her is a definate must and most everybody is already saying that. Something else is to allow her to tell you what happened as she is able...not all at once or on your schedule. Let her know that you love her no matter what and that you are there for her and that you will be there if this is in fact where you are at. Reassure her that nothing that happened to her was her fault. Be strong for her. I feel for you and wish you all the best
2006-09-30 12:10:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was almost murdered in my home 2 yrs ago and suffer the same. I was put on meds but that just increased the symptoms. The best thing I did was EMDR through a counselor. this helped me to file the intrusive memories properly and worked in a short period of time. I go to accupuncture for emotional well being and this has really been a miracle to me. EMDR is the most effective way to return to normalcy. She has to deal with this or it will haunt her and rule her life forever. Please get off meds if on them because they only increase symptoms of depression and suicidal thoughts.
2006-09-30 08:29:01 · answer #7 · answered by l'il mama 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am totally unqualified to answer your questions, but I'm so very sorry to hear about this awful thing that has happened to you and your family.
I think your fiance will need years of counseling and therapy to move forward in this, possibly the children as well, if they are old enough to have recall.
You're a brave and true friend to be there to support her through this terrible thing.
2006-09-30 08:17:15 · answer #8 · answered by Clarkie 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i'm so sorry this has got here approximately to you. a guy getting beat up via one guy can look "unhappy" yet you had 2 @$$ holes beating up on you. it is not a turn off, a minimum of for me and lots of alternative females i understand. Sorry to declare yet Your gf became being petty and ??-much less for only leaving you there in discomfort. If she isn't keen that can assist you you after what you probably did then she isn't nicely worth it.
2016-10-18 06:30:06 · answer #9 · answered by reatherford 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all for the person who commented on she is broken and her life is s_hit kick her to the curb----you are a low life and i pity you---and i will be praying for your soul.
As a victum of a violent rape----i can say jsut be there for her and let her know you are----maybe both of you go into councilign sessions together----that might help you both grow stronger in your relationship.
night terriors are horrible----just hug her( or let her know she is ok and you are there) I think you are a great guy to ask this question so you know how you can help her----I am sorry you haev to deal with idiots who don't understand what she is going through,
if you want to talk further---my email is traarat@yahoo.com
either of you feel free to e-mail me and i will help in any way i can
take care
and i wish you both luck
2006-10-01 12:37:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋