My mother is constantly guilt-tripping me about everything. For example, today was my husband's first day off work in several weeks and he probably wont have another for several more weeks. On his one and only day off my dad asked him for "an hours help" with some cabinets they're putting in and he went to help them and he has been there all day. My husband hasn't complained, but I know he's tired so I called mom and said he needed to come home- at which point she put me on a guilt-trip about not caring about my dad enough to let him take advantage of help. My children have not seen their daddy all week.. I want to say more to her, but she makes me feel so awful when I do. HELP!
2006-09-30 07:49:47 · 8 answers · asked by Jennifer F 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OH DEAR! My Mom is 84 and the Queen Bee of Guilt trips! I've read the answers and don't agree with some....others have it somewhat right. Your Mom didn't just start this did she? My dear Mom has done it to me and my siblings all our lives and we are passed 50. It's too long a story to go in to but I learned after 40 yrs. of putting up with it that I didn't have to!! I know you are taught to respect your parents but after I finally figured out that parents have to earn the respect --- I finally grew up and said NO! You, I assume are young and trying to make Mom and Dad happy. That's all well and good except you are letting your husband and children be used to satisfy your parents wishes. Please don't do that. Your family comes first. Bless your husbands heart for trying to make life easier and keep your parents happy -- But it is wrong. Don't let Mom make you feel bad. You have a responsibility towards your NOW family. Remember what was said in your Wedding Vows?
Girl I Hurt for you! Don't let it take you as long as it did me to figure it out.
2006-09-30 08:44:24 · answer #1 · answered by SNOOP 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find the words to tell her to back off. Or better yet, you should not let them know when he has a day off for several weeks. You shouldn't answer the phone when they call that is if you have caller ID.
You could have also laid down your own guilt trip about them not caring that he isn't getting any rest or their grandchildren getting to spend time with their dad BECAUSE he's over there helping with those damn cabinets. Your parents could have found someone else to help them.
I mean home depot or lowes has ppl that could have helped your dad mount the cabinets. Better yet how about you go and get him and bring him home. Sooner or later you will have to realize that your parents are going to love you no matter what but in order for the guilt trips/bullying can only stop if you make it stop.
Plus your husband needs to also say when enough is enough before tempers flair and it gets ugly because it sounds like it's getting old for the two of you. Bluntness works too.
I was where you are a few years back. Finally, I had to put my foot down. I went and actually picked up my husband from my parents house. I told them that we hadn't had sex in a month because he [my husband] was always at their house assisting with their renovations. Then I said we can either have sex in that new kitchen you have him installing or I can take him home, what's it gonna be?
I don't know how your parents are but it got the point across. They stopped. Now we live 2300 miles away from them and they have to rely on my brothers to help them.
Good luck
2006-09-30 08:15:40 · answer #2 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She can do it because you let her. Tell them that in the future, your husband is not available for helping out but that you will be more than happy to split the cost of hiring someone.
Another way to handle this is to take the whole family, kids and all over to "help". I'm betting an hour of crabby kids, and mom and dad will be sending you home. Fight fire with fire, don't bother with words, your mother is way past them.
2006-09-30 08:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i have been here where you are and belive me if you dont put your foot down mom will guilt trip you for the rest of her life ,you need to spend that one day off with your hubby not dad and his cabinets
2006-09-30 08:35:16 · answer #4 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She puts guilt trips on you because she needs to, and it works. It makes you feel guilty, and through this guilt she controls you. For some reason, she needs to control you. If you do not let her control you by standing up for yourself, not doing what she wants you to, her guilt trips will not work anymore. It will get worse before it gets better, but it WILL get better.
2006-09-30 08:04:02 · answer #5 · answered by Gudelos 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Learn from them, throw back to them the guilt trips.
2006-09-30 10:02:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The next time your parents ask for something you do not want to do say NO. You are a big girl. You do not need to explain or apologize to any one, Just say no
2006-09-30 07:56:17 · answer #7 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
reverse the trip
2006-09-30 08:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by mrmiketattoo 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋