My husband and I would like to know your opinion in what is "appropiate consequences" Please let us know what you think:
A. Remove his computer from his room (to give him more time to do homework and study)
b. Take away his playstation (to give him time for schoolwork)
c. Ground him for six weeks ( to think about his future)
d. Counseling (he may have other issues)
e. all of the above (dicipline or punishment?)
What would you do?
2006-09-30 06:16:04 · 23 answers · asked by twelfntwelf3 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
BeReal,
OH NO! I'm not letting you off the hook! lol
Do you see how distant that you've placed yourself from the problem? Your son needs his mom and /or his dad to be there WITH him as he does his homework, not to have the things removed, but to have his mother and his father where they need to be. Isn't that how God works after all? He puts Himself in place to take care of the needs of His children.
What I am saying is; YOU need to be there to help him with his homework. You need to make sure that he understands what his homework means, and what it's concepts are that he is supposed to know.
It's Mother/Father/Son time. You have your homework. It's your son.
Now some people might have sons and daughters that do well enough on their own, but that is not your goal with your son, that is: to be independent in study. Your goal is to sacrifice your life for him.
He will complain at first (and so will you to eachother) , I have seen it before, but the time you spend with your son will actually cause you to grow closer to him. Ground yourself for six weeks to doing this, and see if there is any difference!
Be the family God gave you.
Edited for clumsy typing skills and other stuff.
2006-09-30 06:27:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
The following is just opinion and is based on far too little knowledge of your son or your family setting.
Kids should not have computers in their bedrooms. Household computers need to stay in a common well-trafficked room. There are many temptations on the internet and solitude only adds to them. Porn, yes, but chat rooms and IM's too.
Taking away or rationing his playstation might be good.
I would not ground him for such a long period. Discipline should be swifter, in my opinion. Ground him from some wanted desirable event, perhaps, or for one week. Whatever you decide, stick to it unbendingly. If he does well you can reward him later, but keep your word regarding his discipline. Don't discipline out of anger.
Counseling is a very good thought. Were his grades better in the past? What changed? How old is he? Talk to him yourself in as non-judgmental way as you can muster. This will give him more of an opportunity to be honest with you. Relate to him. You were young, too. Even then, counseling should be considered.
Talk with his teachers. They may have clues. Who are his friends? What are they like? How does he behave in school? Mischeivous? Withdrawn? Disinterested? Occupied? Focused? Easily distracted?
Just some idle thoughts. God bless you and your son.
2006-09-30 06:32:16 · answer #2 · answered by Nick â? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to answer the following before acting.
Is he studying now? If so, how much? It is possible he is studying wrongly. Maybe he studies hard, but does not really learn.
As a math grad student, I know all about this. In class, everything makes sense. I look over the material and it seems easy enough, but on homework, I can be stymied.
Perhaps he is trying, but does not have the study skills necessary. Find him a tutor (or tutors) or someone who can explain the material and teach study skills.
If however, he is not studying or working hard, the start removing things he likes. Or perhaps restrict the usage of such things. Everyone needs time to unwind.
2006-09-30 06:30:51 · answer #3 · answered by Theodore R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
normally, the Play Station should be kept locked in your bedroom, and only used during week-ends or just during vacations like summer, when there's no school. the computer should be removed from his bedroom and put in the living room, where you can control his time on it. then, take the time to study with him, maybe he needs help on how to study efficiently... and even though there's a need of small breaks between study sessions, no playstation, no Tv...
and grounding isn't really that good, but he shouldn't be free to go out of the house before asking you the parents. and before he does so, you should be sure he did all the work he was supposed to do
and finally bawl out at him concerning his grades in school, and his improvement that has to follow... it's the method my parents used and it worked pretty well on me since I graduated with the highest grade of my class.
2006-09-30 06:33:00 · answer #4 · answered by Gilno E 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would start by asking him what he thinks will help him to get better grades. Tell him the things you have been considering and ask him if he thinks any of these drastic measures are necessary. Unsupervised use of the internet by teenagers is not only unwise but dangerous. You didn't say if you were connected to that or not. Try his idea/ideas for 2 weeks, keeping in close touch with his teachers. If that doesn't work, pick one of yours, explaining your reasons. Keep going like this until something does. Hopefully, this will gradually begin to teach your son self-control.
2006-09-30 11:25:21 · answer #5 · answered by Sparkle1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you need to pay a bit more attention to his study habits. Have him do homework at the kitchen table and assist him.
Please make sure he is not going through some personal teenage drama. This sometimes effect grades. To punish for bad grades without searching for the root of the problem will only cause more rebellion.
Blessings )O(
2006-09-30 06:22:07 · answer #6 · answered by Epona Willow 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well you could do all of the above, but first you and your husband should take turns wooping him so that you get his attention. Spare the rod and spoil the child, you know. Also you should make him go to school dressed up like a little girl with the words "Bad Grades" written on his forehead in indelible ink. Yeah! And you should tell him he's going to burn in hell forever! And make him lay down in the driveway while you run over his legs repeatedly. Then you could ... sorry! No one should tell you how to punish your own child. If you decide to use some of my suggestions, you're welcome. If not, I'm sure you can come up with some form of discipline he won't easily forget.
God bless!
2006-09-30 06:28:06 · answer #7 · answered by beast 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Thats crazy.....just talk to him first...sit down and ask him whats wrong or if there is anything you can do......punishing him for this instance i think is kinda stupid because its only going to make him more frustrated...
I was raised with common sense, never grounded, never hit, i was yelled at but never called names or anything like that. I turned out to do some bad things but i knew in my mind it was not acceptable and apologized and continue to lead my life as happy as ever. I myself am 20 Years old too....was never a straight "a" kid and graduated college with two art degrees and going back for another 4 years of history to be a teacher....find things that make him happy and you will see vast improvements but let him know his faults are not accpetable. Push him to succeed and have faith in him. When he gets bad grades tell him and let him know your dissapointed it happens...its life and he has to learn from it. Depending on how old he is as well...you can have him email me if you like and i would be glad to talk to him because it helps to have some things taken care of by younger people as well......no offense but sometimes kids don't listen because your a parent. Ive been there i have made the grades thorugh hard work, made mistakes and turned out great...i am happy and i am stable at 20 years old. Its possible to get him to improve without punishing....just let him know that if he needs help in any way you guys are there to help him out no matter what...he will see that you care for him in that way sooner or later and the progress will come i assure you.
2006-09-30 06:28:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you two need to sit down and have a chat with your son and ask him what is going on, he probably won't want to tell you, but reassure him that your're trying to help him. I would be careful of punishing him, because it may make him angry and get worse grades, maybe counseling if it is REALLY bad<
2006-09-30 06:19:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have we discussed a learning disfunction yet, like slight dyslexia or attention deficit.
And I went to a 'Christian High School' 7 out of 10 kids were there because the public schools kicked them out. That's how bad they were. My folks were afraid of a bad HS environment so they sent me to a school where it was concentrated bad influence.
And the Baptist preacher couldn't teach math. I spent 3 YEARS in Pre-Algebra. 2 weeks back in public and I was straight A's in math. Ask the teachers to instruct YOU in the lessons at a parent teacher conference. If you can understand them, then your kid should be able to, but don't assume it's your kid's fault.
2006-09-30 06:23:20 · answer #10 · answered by splitshell 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋