My mom has been bipolar since I was 2 years old. I am now 25. My childhood was affected by her disorder-I spent holidays w/ aunts because she was always in the hospital after trying to kill herself. I spent my life raising my brother who is 11 months younger then me. When I was in high school I moved in w/ my dad and step mom-because I wanted a "normal" life. . I am a currently a LPN (nurse) & still in college getting my RN degree. I work part time & attend school full time.
Well my mom is now in a home & recenlty has complained to me about everything that my brother & I dont do. We pick her up every other weekend for a pass,visit her once a week,& talk to her on the phone about 3 -5 times a week. And I guess that aint enough. She recently told me that she was talking to her friend about me & her friend said "I am glad I dont have a daughter like yours"
I was hurt! I have made excuses for her cuz of her mental illness. How do I stop making excuses for her?Enough is enough.
Ideas?
2006-09-30 04:23:19 · 8 answers · asked by AJ4612 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It sounds like your mom lives with more than just Bi-Polar d/o - she reeks of borderline personality disorder. You're doing nothing wrong, a great deal right, and you know that no matter what you do, it's never going to be good enough, so stop trying. Set firm limits with mom, maintain personal boundaries with great consistency. I strongly urge you to consider supportive counseling for at least a brief time. FYI - a staggering percentage of people in the nursing profession come from families like the one you grew up in with your mom and a staggering percentage of research has demonstrated that people who work in the helping professions tend to be excellent at caring for others and not good at caring for themselves (especially emotionally)
2006-09-30 04:29:22 · answer #1 · answered by JJJJJJJJim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose you are going to have to remind yourself that she is ill - many of her ideas about things (such as the way you "treat her") will be distorted - I have also found that people with mental illnesses when talking to each other like to compare symptoms and medications etc sometimes trying to out-do each other so your mother may be doing this with her friends in the home and to the point where her mind starts believing the things she is saying so they seem real to her. Im not trying to excuse your mother at all but just looking at it from an outsiders point of view.
The best thing you can do is to continue with your regular routine and ignore the hurtful things she says - on the other hand (now you know your mother better than anyone so its just an idea I dont know if you think this could work or not...) but tell her the next time she complains about how badly you treat her or how rough she has it that if she really believes this is the case then you will become that daughter she thinks she has and will stop visiting and the calls etc this may shock her into changing the way she sees things but again only you could know if this would be effective - the other thing you could do is speak with her Dr and ask him/her what they suggest.
I dont have bipolar but do have depression/panic/anxiety fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and I know I snap at my family from time to time - I know Im doing it and sometimes its just hard to stop - maybe your mum knows what she is saying is not nice but maybe she cant help it... my suggestion is just go with what your gut tells you to do and if you cant decide what to do go to her Dr and see what they suggest.
Good luck!
2006-09-30 04:34:42 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Kazz♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to remember that it is very hard for your mom, especially being in a home. I suppose - well it sounds as if she is trying to get you to feel guilty so you take her home with you, or at the very least get her out of the home more.
Tell your mom you are very hurt by what she said and ask her how she would like you to make it better. It is not just your responsibility though. Maybe get your brother to take her out one weekend and you take her the next. So she gets out twice as much.
2006-09-30 04:29:34 · answer #3 · answered by tspoonteddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know the disease their is nothing you can do. don't make excuses, she is bipolar that is that. you are more of a daughter then many i have seen in my years of health care. some patients never see their family's. you know you are a great daughter and if you don't I'm telling you that you are!!:) hears a big hug for you and what you have been through. keep smiling and be their for your mom.
2006-09-30 04:38:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People with this disease are master manipulators. I have been around one my whole life also, and you cannot allow yourself to be guilted into giving more than you can. You are entitled to live your life as well. You are doing far more than most people would do for a mother who has been like this their whole life. Just tune her out.
2006-09-30 04:32:58 · answer #5 · answered by TXChristDem 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, make sure her meds are working for her and that she's taking them properly.
Next, do not let her manipulate you by using her illness as an excuse to get you to do things.
2006-09-30 04:26:58 · answer #6 · answered by T Time 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you can do is love her cause shes your mom, dont take the things she says to heart. she probally dosent mean what she says. you have been a good daughter and dont let her or anyone else tell u different.
2006-09-30 04:46:49 · answer #7 · answered by thepainter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bi Polar is the new name for Manic Depressive, seek secure accomodation for her.
2006-09-30 04:25:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋