The question: How should I handle my MIL's request to move the rehearsal up to 11:00?
The situation: Back when we were engaged, we were going to be married on a Saturday. We changed the date due to my grams being diagnosed with cancer, and due to the budget it was moved to Sunday. My MIL has know that it was on a Sunday for over a year.
We are renting an old theater that also hosts concerts, and Cindi Lauper is playing the day/night before our wedding so having the rehearsal on Saturday is out. Since our wedding is at 3:30 and the place opens for us at 10:00, my fiance and I decided to have our rehearsal at 10:00. At 11:00 the hair and make-up team is coming for the women in the bridal party. It's set in stone--I can't move this. It's BEEN set in stone for 5 months.
My MIL keeps complaining about how no one will be able to go to church with our rehearsal at 10:00' we're talking major guilt trip. My fiance has explained to her many, many times that if they want to go to...
2006-09-30 03:41:20 · 20 answers · asked by FaZizzle 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
...church, just go at 8:00 or leave early from the 9:00 service. But no--the MIL keeps wanting it changed. She even accused me of wanting it on Sunday to upset her family!
We have had one stress-free wedding so far, until you talk to the MIL. We have been laid back and FAR from Bridezilla territory. The ONLY stress is my MIL!
My fiance has talked to her, and I've talked to her. Should I be stern with her? I just want to remain as cool during this week as possible. There should NOT be a reason to get stressed out about the rehearsal.
2006-09-30 03:43:55 · update #1
I forgot to say that on that Sunday, we have pictures starting at 1:00. THAT is even upsetting her because she keeps saying "I thought we'd have lunch together like usual..."
Other than this, she keeps comparing us to my Sis-in-law who was married in June (grrr story). Instead of taking all of their pictures before the ceremony, they were at the reception for a total of 5 minutes. My MIL thought that was cute.
2006-09-30 03:45:43 · update #2
Changing the rehearsal is not really an option--all of our bridal party are flying in during the afternoon of the Saturday before .
2006-09-30 03:46:19 · update #3
Mother in laws---aren't you glad that they don't come in 2s. I am afraid there is no real way to handle her, but assure her that you are doing absolutely the best you can do, and let it go. Sit her down, and explain everything,(proably tried of doing it) and tell her you appreciate everything she has done for you, and that you really really need her help in making sure everyone is where they are suppose to be. Include her into the picture. The lunch thing is a family tradition, and us old people are set in our ways, so give her a little room and not crowd her.
I hope you can get through to her, you didn't do this on purpose. It's just how it end up being, My daughter got married on a Sunday, and I was blessed no one complained about missing Church or Sunday lunch, because it was for a good cause. Besides, God isn't going to strike the woman down for missing a sermon or the family won't strave if lunch isn't on the table. Please be as kind as you can be, but she's pushing your buttons and she needs to relax and realize this is her son's wedding too!
God bless us all.....
2006-09-30 04:48:04 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is she saying that no-one will be able to go to church? Only the wedding party is supposed to go to the rehearsal. And the parents. What is stopping anyone else from going to church? It sounds like she is just trying to be hard to get along with. My MIL was the same way. She didn't even smile in any of my wedding pictures. Except for the ones she's in with my husband and not me. She even left the reception before us! Just tell her that it's too late to change, and if she would rather go to church than to the rehearsal, then go ahead. And smart thinking with doing the pictures before the ceremony. My husband and I did that, so we were able to eat with everyone else at the reception. Don't worry about her. Don't let her stress you out even more than a normal bride is over your wedding. It's YOUR day, remind her of that. I hope everything works out for you.
2006-09-30 16:10:59 · answer #2 · answered by sean's_mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a FIL who can intervene? If both you and your fiance have talked to her and she is STILL reacting like this, it sounds to me like she either has one heck of a selfish and controlling personality or she's off her meds.
Sit down with your MIL and fiance and together the two of you need to "lay down the law" with her in the most gentle yet firm manner. Tell her clearly that there is nothing you can do to change the timeline of the day and that while you understand her complaints and whatnot, it can't be helped. Again remind her of the early church services, the fact that being your wedding day is going to throw off any "usual" routine for a Sunday, and that every wedding is different and that this is how your wedding is going to happen. (You might also mentin that you really need her to find someone else to vent her frustrations to.)
This is going to take a united front from both you and your fiance. Otherwise, do your best to let it go - it sounds like nothing will make this woman happy unless things are done her way.
2006-09-30 14:43:03 · answer #3 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why does your MIL worry so much about Church.....I got married 28 years ago on a Sunday , and my Mother-in law went to early services, and then told her Pastor, that she couldn't stay after as usual, because her son was getting married that day...and our wedding was at 6:00pm" When are flowers etc. being delivered? Most people consider Sunday the Lord's Day...a good excuse to give her for changing the date....tell her that you want him in attendence to bless your marriage, unless of course you are athiest. Remind her that it is "YOUR" wedding, and at this late date, you just need her love and Blessing.....then plan to have 2 single Roses in simple Vases near both you and your Fiance' and at one point during the Ceremony, you give her a Rose, and have your Fiance' present your Mother a Rose also....they should not know about this before it happens......This will make it all better, if she is going to be any kind of a Mother-in Law.......boy, was I lucky!
2006-09-30 11:52:43 · answer #4 · answered by Sherrie B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk about one decision affecting the rest of your life! Well, one thing to consider is that if you give in to your MIL, she will become your alpha master forever. The wedding plans can't be changed, tell her you are so so so sorry, but there is nothing that can be done to re-coordinate the planning at this juncture. The truth is your MIL does not care nor really wants you to get married to her daughter, she'd prefer to go to church as usual on her regular scheduled time just like she does every weekend, 52 times a year. Isn't your wedding a religious one? If so, tell her it counts as mass, well doesn't it? Wouldn't God want her to attend her daughter's wedding for this one Sunday? How does she respond to stuff like this, is she a stubborn mule?!! lol You may have to live with a nasty MIL and its something you will need to deal with to be with the love of your life. Practice ignoring her rants now, you'll be good at it years from now.
2006-09-30 11:00:18 · answer #5 · answered by mulderlx 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not sure why your MIL goes to church, however, I go to be uplifted and to be reminded that love is why we are here. What could be more uplifting that seeing your son on such a special day in his life? Most churches have other types of services during the week that could be attended in lieu of Sunday morning. Our church even livestreams so you can watch it on your PC. Or you can order tapes of previous services.
wwww.renaissanceunity.org
Therefore, you should not feel guilty or bad about this. This is a woman who is losing control of her baby and wanting to assert some ground and regain control of anything. Get ready honey because these feelings will be there for a long time. In the future you will need to choose your battles wisely with her... but for now, this is your wedding, your day and you call the shots (nicely)! Congratulations!!! Now forget about her demand and enjoy your beautiful day.
2006-09-30 10:52:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In defense of MILs all over the country that aren't evil........ :)
Tell her you are sorry for the inconvenience. You didn't plan it this way, that's just the way it shook out. Also tell her you are sorry if she can't make it. The rehearsal & wedding will go as planned whether she or anyone one else isn't there. But be nice.
And stop explaining. She's wanting attention.
2006-09-30 12:10:22 · answer #7 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Aghh... the MIL. Mine changed the time and date of my wedding...
Just sit down with her and explain to her that you appreciate her concerns, but you are not going to change the plans. It is one day out of the year, so not having lunch or going to church is okay for one day. Tell her it is important to you that she agrees to this.
2006-09-30 20:38:19 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about the rehearsal. If you don't get one, it won't be the end of the world. Tell the MIL it is not her wedding and to butt out.
2006-09-30 10:45:54 · answer #9 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can you have the rehearsal on Thursday? If your mother in law can't make it, then no big deal. She doesn't really have a significant part in the wedding anyway. Just remember it's your wedding. My mother planned mine and I still haven't had the wedding I wanted.
2006-09-30 10:45:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋