what do you think of this?

Question

The bar closes early on the Sabbath day
So me and my kid, we hit the park to play
Then it starts to rain, so we walk home again
He asks why he was born, I don't know what to say
I don't feel guilty and I don't feel sad
This ************* life is the best he's had
I said "I've been there, sonny, and it ain't that bad
I took my hits from the shits back when I was a lad"

So long ago, and even though I tried
I couldn't make him see
The light that he had cast in front of me
And even though I cried, I couldn't make him be
The very thing I needed

His mother would make a scene when I come home late
She looks like she's dying and she's twenty-eight
I never loved that whore, I never will no more
Except for a month back in '84
The jammin' was playing and my heart stood still
Gazing at her shadow on the windowsill

So long ago, and even though I tried
I couldn't make her see
I wasn't quite the man she thought I'd be
And even though I cried, I couldn't make her be
The very thing I needed

And even though I tried
I couldn't make her see
I wasn't quite the man she thought I'd be
And even though I cried, I couldn't make her be
The very thing I needed

Could she be the very thing I needed?
Could she be the very thing?

Push yourself away from your one best friend
Who's gonna love you when you reach the end?
Who will?
Who will?
Who will?

Answer 1

what?

Answer 2

This is an interesting poem. I would offer a little advice, though. You need to find a way to make other people feel like they fit into the story of the poem. Otherwise most people will just pass over it. I can see the emotions you have put into the poem, but other people like to feel that the poem could fit their life, too.

Answer 3

Nice

Answer 4

i'm sensing some anger and remorse there. it's good tho

Answer 5

excellent!