My husband is treating me as a hore. I was married to him before and got devorced and remarid him again.however; I am not in love with him but love him.He is trying to use his money as a weapon. He thinks that I have to have sex with him everytime to get money from him. unfortunatly, I am not interested in having sex with him or I am not interested in having sex with him just to et the money. This hurts! I don't have a job at this time and i need the money what shall I do? who do I n eed to talk to concerning these matter? I need to kick his *** out of my aprtment?? since he is sharing my apartement?? pls help me
2006-09-29 21:47:20 · 22 answers · asked by rita23 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, dear, you do have a problem. Step back and look at your situation. You have made yourself completley dependent on him.
Apparently, you thought there was good reason to re-marry this man. What were those reasons? Is there anything you can respect him for? (He goes to work every day, he's good with the baby, he really knows how to use a hammer....anything?)
Sit with him and tell him what it was that you saw in him that made him husband material for you, including what drew you to him the first time. Write these things down and have your notes with you when you speak with him. Be honest. If it was just that you needed another adult in the house or you needed some financial security the second time around, tell him that, too. Tell him you would like a deeper relationship with him and that you are willing to make this relationship work. Tell him you want to be a wife he can be proud of. Ask if there is anything you can do to make his burden easier. Then start doing the things a wife does. Make sure your responsibilities at home are taken care of. Establish a routine of dinner, bath and bed for your child. Make an hour or two in the evening where your man can just have time for himself. Sounds like he feels like since you take what you want from the relationship, he has a right to just take whatever he wants too. Somebody needs to do the giving and you are going to have to teach him what it is to give. By example.
Treat him with respect. Respond to him, do not react to him. Respond. Make responsible decisions that he can respect. Don't bring up the subjects that cause him misery. Trust him to handle his obligations responsibly. Tell a joke. Tell him the good parts of your day. Do things that are healthy for yourself and your family. Show him the person you are about to become. Ask him every day if there is anything he needs....my man does this and I picked up the habit. It is his way of saying he considers my needs at some point in his busy day.
Since sex seems to be his reward, reward him. Apparently he has a real thing for you that he just doesn't know how to express properly. Teach him. Use your down time to take a bath, do your nails, light some candles, and entertain yourself (read, call a friend, knit), jwhile he is enjoying the down time you have provided for hiim. Wear something he likes. Anticipate his need, in other words, address it before he does.
It is degrading to you that he simply takes what he wants. Make that go away. Sooner or later he will figure out that you wait for him in the evenings, and start to like being wanted. Maybe he feels he doesn't deserve your love, so he behaves like a little spoiled child and just takes it.
Absolutely do not accept money from him.after sex. Find a time to discuss finances weekly. Review your budget yourself and see if there is any money left after the bills. How much will he need...gas, lunches, whatever. When you go over the upcoming expenses ask for the amount you need for the week. As part of the finances not as part of sex. If he offers you money for sex, refuse it. Tell him there is no price for the love you give him.
Don't expect that he will figure this out immediately. Slowly, as you consistently show him that you do consider him worth making the effort for he will begin to understand that you are worthy of respect. Treat him as you would any of your friends. Love doesn't survive without a basic freindship. Let him talk to you about the things that are important to him. This is your man. Cuddle with him when he watches the game. He has no concept of affection as anything other than sex. Teach him about kindness.
All of this is very hard because it falls on you. He is miserable and you are the only person who can help. Respect yourself and expect to be treated with respect. You have the power, however, because he always comes home to you. Even after a divorce. Just teach him the things he has no knowledge of. He can learn, he wants to learn, or he wouldn't be acting out. Respond to him kindly and calmly ......Be the Teacher.
2006-09-30 01:03:13 · answer #1 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Fact from fiction, truth from diction. As Oprah said; "Never go back to the exes because what you left the 1st time is still there" So, you blew that. Sex as a weapon trumps money everyday of the week and 5 times on Sunday with most men.
The 5 day plan to "break the bank":
For 5 days straight after he falls asleep wake him with the best toe curling b*** j** you can think of. But do not allow him to touch or do anything. On the 6th day you let him touch A LITTLE, but nothing else. Then on the 7th day NOTHING. Be prepared to forgo spending for a few days. I bet his missing that oral service will have him back peddling faster than a guy in a tux away from a clown with a custard pie. And if he brings it up, or hints that he wants it. Ka ching!!! You can suggest somethings you want to buy. Tell him you did that because you were happy(a lie)but do not tell him what. Tell him if you are happy, he can get happy. I bet he make you very, very, VERY happy!!
Plan 'B';
If he has more resolve than I think. Take some very sexy pics of yourself and print them out. "Allow" him to discover them. When he asks, just tell him they were for a project. Be very vague. Let his mind wonder. When he presses say you were going to auction them on Ebay or something. If he ask why, tell him you need money and he ain't being very giving without stipulations. I think he may rethink his position.
I have given you more game than I was suppose to. I may have my Victoria's Secret viewing privileges revoked. So, I hope it works. If not. You did not hear it from me,
2006-09-30 05:06:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to read this. Since you were already married to him, that indicates you know him.
Find a time when he is relatively happy & then
slowly talk to him.
Tell him how much he has meant to you & how much you value his friendship. Bring up old fond memories. Then talk to him about what is going on with you now.
That you are having a hard time getting work etc. See if you can tell him how much it hurts you when you have to ask him for money. Ask him if there is another way for him to help you like an automatic allowance every week? Maybe you can do his laundry in exchange.
Not sure but if you indulge his ego and ask him for help...perhaps he will find a way to "help" you without the current dilema. Sounds like a power play on his part & both sexes engage in certain power plays.
Well not everyone...but please, see how if he is willing to listen to you. Sounds like he has all the pull and that upsets the balance in any relationship. Maybe you can suggest dates without sex saying sometimes you are not always in the mood but like his company.
Good luck
2006-09-30 04:55:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your personal life is really none of my business and I really should not be commenting on this, but I gotta say: You should not have married the guy the second time. If you got divorced I'm sure it was for a very good reason, and you really should not have gotten married for the second time to the same man. As for him treating you like a whore (sex exchanged for money) hunny, every relationship is that way! Not with sex neccisarily but every relationship is that way if you don't have a job and someone else is taking care of the bills, then YES they are going to expect something out of you in return. As for me, while I am not working I am expected to be the Maid, Butler, etc.. lol. When I am not working I am expected to keep the house spotless, dishes washed, toilets scrubbed, carpets vacuumed, etc Kinda like Cinderella. And in return I am taken care of financially. It's ok to give something in return when you are being taken care of finacially. But the one thing that you should not have to give up is your dignity. If he is stripping you of your dignity, then you need to leave and find someone else to help you til you get on your feet and can help yourself.
2006-09-30 04:56:51 · answer #4 · answered by Daft One 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, yeah! Get a job and kick him out. Why would you marry him a 2nd time if you aren't in love with him. Your wasting your time with some guy like as if he is the only dude in your town. Forget his money and do your own thing.
2006-09-30 04:50:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in a sticky ugly situation. .. it borders on being a 'hore' having to go back to him and then worse marry him for help.
Normal married couples want to have sex. If you don't then it is difficult to sustain marrage. And he really wants sex, probably too much.
You might get some solo counciling .. soon you and he must talk and resolve this. there are couples counciling and there is money counciling .. how to survive on your own.
because you are married, it should not be considered just your apartment .. and depending on what state it might legally not be just yours.
2006-09-30 04:58:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't say it's "normal", but I will say that since you left him and went back to him, he'll always treat you badly. You proved to him that even you don't think you're worth better than that. He lives in YOUR apartment - how much money do you really think he has? As for a job - why don't you have one? GET ONE and get rid of his deadbeat azzzzzz.
If you're gonna get treated like a whore than get paid like one! Do something for yourself and stop relying on some "man" to take care of you.
2006-09-30 04:53:16 · answer #7 · answered by eastbaygoddess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh you poor thing. Even if you don't have a job, its your money too. I don't work either and my husband's money is just as equally mine as it is his, and thats how it should be. If you aren't in love with them, then divorse him, then half of his money should be your money. And then you will get him out of your apt and you can go and get a job and then a real man who will love you and treat you how you should be treated.
2006-09-30 04:51:17 · answer #8 · answered by Jessica 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to find out a loving friend and a job
2006-09-30 04:51:08 · answer #9 · answered by babu m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a JOb
2006-09-30 04:49:02 · answer #10 · answered by Sullita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋