. I FEEL THAT I SHOULDN'T GO, B/C I HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH ALOT OF PAIN .. TO ACCEPT THAT HE DIDN'T ACCEPT ME AND THAT I WILL NEVER GAIN HIS ACCEPTANCE AND THAT IT IS OKAY, AND THAT THAT'S WHO HE WAS, AND HE DID WHAT HE WAS ABLE TO DO.. THAT I AM WHO I AM B/C OF HOW HE WAS, AND THAT HE WAS A DECENT MAN AND I AM ABLE TO LEARN WHO HE WAS THROUGH OTHERS, THAT I DON'T NEED TO DEPEND ON GAINING OTHERS ACCEPTANCE .. I TRIED TO GAIN EVERYONE'S ACCEPTANCE ALL THE TIME, AND IT'S HARD KNOWING THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE HIS, AND I AM FINE WITH THAT, BUT WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO THERE AND DIG UP ALL THESE FEELING AGAIN.. MY MOM AND SISTER ARE LEAVING IN A FEW HOURS.. BUT I NEED SOME ADVICE ON WHAT I SHOULD DO.. GO, STAY, AND WHY I SHOULD AND WHAT POSITIVE THINGS CAN I CONVINCE MYSELF OF.. I AM ONLINE, AND RESPOND WITH ANSWERS TO ANY QUESTION ASAP.. BIG DECISION AND DON'T WANT TO REGRET THE DECISION I MAKE.. I NEED TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR MYSELF. AND NOT CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE...
2006-09-29 21:30:00 · 6 answers · asked by lisha 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
MY BIGGEST FEAR OF GOING IS MY MOM AND SISTER.. THEY HAVE BEEN THE ONES POUNDING IT IN MY HEAD THAT HE WASN'T MY FATHER AND DIDN'T SEE ME AS HIS DAUGHTER.. I LOVE THEM BUT WE DON'T SEE THINGS THE SAME WAY, AND 12 HOURS TRAVELING AND THEN STAYING IN THE SAME HOUSE FOR A WEEK WHILE THEY ARE HAPPY AND GOING THROUGH HIS THINGS, AND PARTYING, WOULD EAT ME UP.. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE TO KEEP HURT INSIDE AND NOW, I HAVE BEGUN LETTING IT OUT, I AM AFRAID THAT I WILL LET IT OUT AND REGRET THAT.. I AM ALSO, AFRAID THAT IT WILL HURT MORE BEING THERE KNOWING NOW THAT NO ONE THERE KNOWS ME AS HIS DAUGHTER.. AND I DON'T WANT THIS PART OF MY "HEALING" TO HAVE ANY BAD THOUGHTS.. I AM THINKING ABOUT HAVING MY OWN PERSONAL SERVICE AND BURYING SOME OF HIS ASHES WHICH GOD WILL GIVE ME WHAT HE CONSIDERED TO BE MY DAD.. I KNOW THAT 2 YEARS I WAS HIS ONLY DAUGHTER BEFORE MY SISTER CAME ALONG.. AND I KNOW THAT HE WAS PROUD OF ME AT LEAST ONCE IN MY LIFE, AND I WANT THAT TO BE WHAT I CAN LAY TO REST..
2006-09-29 21:44:03 · update #1
THERE IS SO MUCH TO THIS SITUATION THAT IS SO VERY COMPLICATED, BUT I AM VERY TORN ON WHAT TO DO.. I HAVE A LIFE AND THINGS HERE THAT I DON'T REALLLY WANT TO LEAVE FOR A WEEK, BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO REGRET NOT GOING, BUT I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I WANT TO GO... I HAVE COME TO ACCEPT THAT HE DIDN'T SEE ME AS A DAUGHTER.. AND I ACCEPT THAT I DIDN'T GET TO KNOW HIM AS A PERSON, WHICH WAS APPARENTLY A WONDERFUL MAN, AND I HAVE COME TO FORGIVE HIM FOR WHAT HE COULDN'T GIVE ME.. AND I ACCEPT THAT I AM WHO I AM BECAUSE OF HIM.. HE TAUGHT ME ALOT IN LIFE, AND HE TAUGHT ME ALOT BY WHAT HE DIDN'T TEACH ME.. HE WAS WHO HE WAS, AND I LOVED HIM FOR THAT.. I ONLY REGRET THAT HE DIDN'T GET TO KNOW ME AS A PERSON.. I REGRET NOT PUSHING HARDER FOR HIM TO KNOW ME, BUT I TRIED HARDER THAN HE DID, AND IT SHOWS IN HIS DEATH BY WHAT HE HAS LEFT BEHIND IN HIS LIFE AND LEGACY, THAT HE WAS WHO HE WAS AND HE DID THE BEST HE COULD WITH WHAT HE COULD..
2006-09-29 21:49:32 · update #2
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME A LOOK AND CARED ENOUGH TO ANSWER, I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT I DECIDE TO DO.. THANKS. AGAIN
2006-09-29 21:55:31 · update #3
WELL, IT SEEMS SPLIT ON WHAT I SHOULD DO.. I AM STILL LOST IN THIS DECISION.. MY SISTER SAYS I SHOULD GO TO CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY WITH EVERYONE.. ON THE FIRST OF OCTOBER.. MY MOM WANTS ME TO GO TO HELP HER CLEAN UP THE HOUSE.. BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD STAND TO GO THROUGH EVERYTHING.. HE WAS VERY METHODICAL AND SET IN HIS WAYS WHILE HE WAS APART OF MY LIFE, AND I ADMIRED THAT ABOUT HIM, THAT WAS THE MARINE IN HIM THAT I WAS VERY MUCH PROUD OF, BUT AFTER HE RETIRED, HE FELL APART FOR THE MOST PART.. AND I DON'T WANT ANY MEMORIES OF THAT MAN AS MY DAD.. EITHER WAY, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT SOON ENOUGH.. THEY'RE GETTING READY..
2006-09-29 23:19:34 · update #4
Once again you have the answers to your questions within what you are saying. You said it yourself, you need to do what is right for you and not care about anyone else.
I believe that if you don't go, you will regret it. It is like "not knowing" and when you "know", you have defeated half the battle.
Knowing is half the battle, doing what your heart tells you and feeling a peace about your decision is the other half.
This is all about you and your relationship with "dad" so do what you feel is good for you. I personally would go... even if it's just to give "them" something to talk about... but mostly because he apparently left a lasting impression on you and you will feel like you have paid your respects and done what he would have wanted you to do in this situation. This will make you the better person for it in the end because you know you have followed your heart and are letting him go with a peace about it.
Again, I am sorry for your loss.
2006-09-29 21:38:07 · answer #1 · answered by Big-Sister 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart. Okay, first, let me tell you, when we go home, we go to funerals and memorials and things such as for ourselves, not for the person that went home. I also think that if your step-dad could come back to say anything to comfort you he would do it. Did you ever think that maybe he felt that you didn't care for him too much? Maybe he just did the best he could do because you didn't open up to him. Your mother and sister are probably trying to make you feel better by saying that you don't really have to go. And you may not have to go. Either ask them, or figure out for yourself, if they need your support. Your step dad doesn't and you don't have to go there for closure.
I don't believe for a minute that you are trying to not worry about anyone else's feelings here. You have done that all your life and why would you do anything different now? It's okay, putting others first is always the best way to be. But, putting someone first and going through so much turmoil and heartache may not be healthy. It's great that your mom and sister are supporting your decision no matter what you do. And the man has gone home, he won't care either way. You sound like a very wise person. You also sound very confused. Pray, God will answer your request. I pray that you make the decision that you can live with the best. God bless you.
2006-09-30 05:14:09 · answer #2 · answered by jennifer c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like your dad loved you ( coz he tok care of you from 3-26)
And I believe you love your dad as weell..
So you dont have to bother about gaining other peopels acceptance, bcos i belive he had already accepted you...may his soul RIP
If you think you wont be comfortable there you need not go but you should have alternate plans.
Accept life as it comes. HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN HIS TIME
Dont say you are alone, we all are with you.
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2006-09-30 04:41:44 · answer #3 · answered by Jesus Loves even Osama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go if I were you. It's not what you want to do but it's the best thing to do. Honor his memory and f everyone else that wants to get between you and that.
2006-09-30 04:39:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Adjust yourself
2006-09-30 04:36:46 · answer #5 · answered by VIDYADHARA B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't need anything from anyone, you and you alone will get where you need to be.
2006-09-30 04:34:27 · answer #6 · answered by viper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋