I'm doing this training course at the moment and there's a guy there who keeps following me round and sit's with me all the time and follows me out the building to my house everyday for the last week and touches me up and i've tried to be nice and tell him i'm not interested but he's still doing it and it's getting annoying b/c i can't do the things i wanna do without him being there.
He also films me and takes pics on his phone with his mates so i can't even be in the same room as him.
I wanna tell him to f*ck off but i'm too nice. Everyone has noticed except the training staff when i mentioned it so they don't think it's a problem. What would you do? I've thought about telling him i'm a lesbian or leaving the country.......
2006-09-29 21:01:25 · 32 answers · asked by missy minx 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You don't need to tell him anything. This is a serious matter. Formally report him to his/your employer they should take it up the hierarchy.
2006-09-29 21:20:02 · answer #1 · answered by toietmoi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The stalking you is a problem made worse by the fact that he is touching you up without your consent, which means he now believes that he can do this and it's okay. That is very wrong and this is one time when you are going to have to forget everything you have been taught about being polite to people.
The thing is, people will treat you the way you allow them to treat them, by the very actions you take when they try to cross your boundaries.
By stalking you and touching you up, he is creating a climate of fear and control over you that you feel unable to deal with. You have to, even if the training staff seem unable to help you.
First of all, tell the director of the college that this man is following you, filming you, and touching you and that you are now uncomfortable at the college precisely because of this. Your college has a duty of care towards you, which includes your safety. That is the law. They have to do something. That is your right.
Next, tell your friends, family, and classmates that this man is touching you up and following you. The more people that know, well, there is safety in numbers. Do not be isolated. Never be anywhere where the two of you are alone.
You also need to tell the police. He fits the description of a stalker and they need to know so they can help you. You need to call them every time he sits outside your home or follows you.
Lastly, the next time he touches you, turn around to face him, looking him directly in the eye and say in a loud voice 'No! How dare you do that! How dare you touch me like that!' The chances are he will back away and won't do it again. The chances are that he will keep away from you for good, because you are asserting yourself and he is relying on the fact that so far you have been submissive and not stopped him from doing that. You need to be firm, direct, and clear about it.
If, by some reason he continues with this behaviour, then you will need to step it up another notch, which means getting a restraining order out on him.
And yes, you can tell him to f-uck off. You have every right to. Being a nice, polite person doesn't mean you can't assert yourself when it is needed. Stay safe. Good luck.
2006-09-29 22:08:49 · answer #2 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't stand up for yourself it's only a matter of time before he puts you in an even worse situation. I'd tell him "I'm not attracted to you in the least. Give it up." It works well because you're talking to him in a level he will understand. He'd never consider having sex with a woman he didn't think was hot. If you let him know you aren't attracted to him, that tells him on a level he gets loud and clear that he doesn't stand a chance and he may as well move on.
If you really can't stand up for yourself, another option would be to befriend someone that will run him off for you. If everyone in your class has noticed, as you say, you should be able to find someone who will be more than willing to tell him how it is. Assholes like this guy won't stop until you make him stop.
2006-09-29 21:21:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's not him you should be telling, maybe it's somebody else. An authority figure. Stalking is illegal, and his actions fit the definition. Especially by filming you, and touching you. They are definitely two things he certainly isn't allowed to be doing.
It's all a little extreme, and if anything, it'll only freak you out. Not pick you up.
Report the behaviour before it gets out of hand (moreso).
Sometimes, being nice doesn't work, and you need to be upfront and honest. "F off!" might not be the way to go, 'cause making him angry isn't recommended. But maybe making him aware that what he is doing, makes you extremely uncomfortable, and that if he doesn't stop, you will take action with somebody who can change things.
I think he will get the picture.
Good luck.
2006-09-29 21:09:20 · answer #4 · answered by Medicated Harmony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hunni u are too nice,that is why he's doing it because he knows he can & get away with it,my advice wait till ur somewhere where there are lots of people then when he says anything tell him very loudly"look Im not interested leave me alone & stop filming me or I will have u done for harassment & assault,do not touch me again that is ur only warning".then hunni sorry to say if he carries on go to the police,dont know if ur in the uk but here when u report it,the police will warn him,he's touching u up,thats sexual assault,he gets 3 warnings then he's arrested,hopefully once will stop him.speak up tell everyone loudly that he's harassing u & touching u,u have to make a stand coz he wont stop or tell me where he is I'll kick him in the nuts for u.
2006-09-29 21:47:44 · answer #5 · answered by Chocoholic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever say bad words to this guy b'coz it will not help in any way. Always be polite in telling that you are busy, or why don't try to know if he had a problem, I mean it's different approach but if u can't go on opposite direction why don't you go on his direction or you are just afraid b'coz there is someone telling you to back off. Maybe it is time for you to know the reason why he is doing it. It's hard b'coz u're a girl but if it will harm both of you, why not, GIVE it a try. it is just from my mind, there are plenty of opinion out there.
2006-09-29 23:15:30 · answer #6 · answered by richbin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be a stalker if he is not sexually harrasing you.In our country we have a law termed indecent assault which refers to those touchings that you mentioned i guess you do have one to protect innocent souls too. You can also report him to any women group they would be of help. Call a member of the training staff and explain to her and ask her to tell him on your behalf. I don't know why he has to put you through that hell. Hope he will get the message and leave you alone. Good luck.
2006-09-29 21:26:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talking to him hasnt worked and it wont have someone beat the sh.t out of him. Or take legal action except that may make things worse if the police dont take this serious which they never seem to until its to late. Never be anywhere alone with him no matter what. You shouldnt have gone home when he followed you now he knows where you live.DO NOT TRUST THIS GUY!
2006-09-29 21:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by saturn 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without wishing to alarm you he sounds like a stalker. Go to the training staff again anbd tell them how he makes you feel, make sure you say how you FEEL, as they have no way of knowing how you feel, they are obligated by law to deal with this problem, I would also go to the police, because he knows where you live.
2006-09-29 21:41:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be polite, this guy is a real creep. Someone who is constantly harassing you, following you (stalking) and touching you could become a very dangerous person later on. Worst case scenario, you could get raped.
Tell your Boss/HR manger about him if he continues, and they'll sort him out.
As for following you, if he appears outside your house call the police about him, and get a restraining order on him if possible.
2006-09-29 21:08:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people cant understand what people mean when they are being polite. he will only understand when you start to speak his language.
tell him to sod off or you will get him kicked off the course.
tell the staff, again, that you're really uncomfortable with the way this man is treating you and its up to them to do something about it!
don't let him get away with this, its harassment and he should be stopped before he goes too far!
good luck xx
2006-09-29 22:30:12 · answer #11 · answered by Mrs Chicagosgirl!! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋