Hi~
I am a parent of a 3 year old son and another son due in Jan. 2007. I have been reading questions here from teens who are looking for dates or asking about them. These kids are really young between the ages of 11-15. Don't you think that is too young to date let alone be by them selves? There is no need to date or hang out with their friends alone at that age. And what is so wrong with parents being with their kids where ever they go until they are 16. If you are with them then they can't get in trouble.
I would never allow my boys to date or even group date until they are 16. They wouldn't even be allowed to go anywhere alone until they were 16. That is the way my parents were with me and that is what I am doing with my boys. My feeling is this: If you don't want to be with your kids then you shouldn't have had them!
Thoughs?
2006-09-29 20:44:30 · 21 answers · asked by LITTLE 1 :o) 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Personally I don't agree with you.I had my first boyfriend when I was 14 and here was nothing wrong with dating.We went to cinema or playing games at home.We usually lay on the bed and talk about school-mates or other friends,or about our relationship.Of course,later we moved to more personal activities,when we were both 15.But we also dated often and we both were happy.Why do you have to forbid a girl or boy under 16 to date?I'll say why - because you think you are God and noone should have personal feelings before the age of 30!And I think you are wrong.The fact that they are 14-15 doesn't mean they are more stupid.These relationships at that age won't be until marriage(although a friend of mine had a boyfriend when she was 15 and now they are married and have 3 beautiful daughters).If children want,why not?They learn about life every day.If a relationship won't last until marriage,it doesn't mean it's a bad relationship.My oldest daughter is 15 and she has a boyfriend.He is a very nice boy I'd say.I know him and have met his parents once or twice at a school-meeting.I don't mind leaving them alone and let them have their own relationship,because guess what!A few years after she may not even live at home and if she hasn't had a relationship till then,she may do something wrong,because she won't have this experience which she receives now.
2006-09-29 21:42:11 · answer #1 · answered by julie 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I think it's impossible to put down rules like that for children... It really depends on the kids! If you have a child you know you can trust I don't see the harm in dating young... I did. My one girlfriend even got married at 16 and they couldn't be happier today 10 years later. However if you have a kid who you know is a little sideways or who's friends can't be trusted then that's a different story! The point is that it's impossible to say at what age people are ready to do things because we all grow and mature at a different rate. Besides my mom always said no dating til you're 21 and I just snuck out and did it any way and then when I got in to trouble I couldn't go to her because I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. I feel had she allowed me to do more I wouldn't have hid so much from her and may have had a much safer adolescence.
2006-09-29 20:56:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you Mormon (a latter day saint)? I just ask because I was born into that church and that is what they believe in as well. While I do support my church and believe in it, they set impossible standards. Your children are still young so you probably don't realize this but teenagers now a days do whatever the hell they want! If you try to go with them everywhere it will just make them hate you and run away! Believe me I did it! You can't shelter them like that! Not only will they not let you, but it is dangerous. If you paint this pretty picture of the world and hide the bad stuff from them they will not know to watch out for it when they are finally allowed to be in the real world! I had no idea what I was doing, and how much danger I was in. The harsh truth is there are more bad people than good. If they just trust everyone and think most people are nice they will get hurt. I lost my virginity at 14. My little sister has friends 12-13 that not only have lost there virginity but are pregnant! And those girl's parents don't just let them run free. All you can do is try to give them the tools to make good decisions for themselves. You have to let them live their own lives! I know it's hard, especially now looking at your young, sweet innocent boys. But one day you will have to let go.
2006-09-29 21:05:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have not made a decision about when I will allow my children to "date", as I feel that there are many definitions to dating.
I will say that I was 14 when I was allowed to go on a date, meaning the boy picked me up. This boy was 17, a close friend of my brothers, came from a good family, good in school, star basketball player, never in trouble, went to church, blah blah blah. So that is why my parents allowed me to go out with him. He took me to eat and to a movie and we actually "Dated" for about 2 months, before he went into the Navy. We never had sex, and he never even pressured me to.
So, I think that there is no "right" age for dating. It should be based on many different things: maturity level, events that would be attended, parents knowledge of the other teen, etc.
2006-09-30 07:38:48 · answer #4 · answered by LittleMermaid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are with your kids all the time before they are 16 so they don't get into trouble... what is going to happen once they turn 16? my guess is that they are going to do everything they couldn't do under your watchful eye all at once. they will also most likely have a lot of trouble making friends because throughout their freshmen and part of their sophomore years in high school, their mom was with them all the time. they will finally have thier chance to fit in with their peers.. and will most likely do ANYTHING to fit with them. i think being with your kids all the time until they are 16 is a HUGE mistake. but i guess you will just have to find that out the hard way, since you seem set in this.
2006-09-30 05:07:08 · answer #5 · answered by butwhatdoiknow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Children need some sense of independance at an age prior to 16...
In my house dating was not allowed until 14 for group dates 3 or more couples.... a parent driving the group to and from the outting (usually a movie..... usually me driving) At 16 they are allowed single couples dating...
They were however allowed to go to the movies/ parties/ picnics/ etc. with friends (Usually I drove the group to and from) alone from the age of 12...
My ex sister-in-law has children the same ages as mine (19, 17, and 9) she never allowed her children any independance much in the way you have described... Her older to are now rebelling against the tight control her 19 year old is running around like a crazy girl sleeping with people etc... And is using the arguement.. "I am an adult you can't stop me now." While my daughter 19 is not running around at all she was allowed a controlled freedom all her life and doesn't feel the need to rebel now...
Our sons at 17 are also different her's "Can't wait to turn 18 so his mom can't tell him what to do and when to do it and how to do it." while mine is ok with the rules because they are not smothering...
While I will agree that rules need to be in place and adhered to and that dating at ages prior to 14 is too young... Keeping too tight a grip on your children will cause them to slip through you fingers.... You need a happy medium where kids feel a sense of freedom and independance and you feel a sense of control... Finding that happy medium is easiest done when you communicate with your children and meet them part way... It also teaches them the skill of negotiation a good skill for them to learn...
For instance my daughter wanted to go on a single couple date to a school dance 1 month prior to her 16th birthday when we had set the deadline for single couple dating... She was able to come to us and discuss the situation we allowed her to go to the dance as a single couple date, my husband drove them to and from as well as to fastfood resturant before for dinner and ice cream after... He waited in the car at the resturant and ice cream shop... So they had thier date alone with travel supervision our daughter was happy and we were happy...
2006-09-29 21:05:48 · answer #6 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely agree with you. I have two boys also- 5 and 9 mths.- and am stressing over allowing them to date at even 16. I'm hoping I can hold them off until they're 30... lol. I'm certainly not the type of parent who could ever drop my child off at the mall/movies at that age either. I'm WAY too overprotective- to the point that my kids only stay with my mom/dad and I make sure to walk my son into school and pick him up, they're not allowed out of my sight for a second in public, etc. My husband is the same way. Our poor kids- lol- but I feel better if I know they're safe and out-of-trouble. Especially when they're raging teenagers. I was once, too. ;)
2006-09-29 20:53:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
It's all about trust and knowing your child. I think anything under 12 is young but I started hanging or dating at 13 and my parents trusted me to make the right decisions. I think if you have an open relationship to were your kids can talk to you about anything and not worry about you judging them or criticizing them then you have trust and you know who your kids are. Keeping them secluding from the outside world only does more harm to them. If you taught them well then they will know right from wrong and what to do and not to do.
2006-09-29 20:50:19 · answer #8 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't think its necessarily them not wanting to be with their kids, thats an unfair judgement. People like that just want to let their children experience independance. I don't agree with it, mostly because my mom let me do what I wanted at that age(as a teen). I'm not going to let my daughter make the same mistakes I did. That, and I worry about what the future will be like when she is at that age. If it's this bad now, what will I have to worry about when she grows up? I will be protective, but not overly protective.
2006-09-29 20:56:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree 110% with you. I have a 12 month old and I keep telling my family and friends that my son is going to hate my husband and I. We want our child to become something in life, not 16 and drugs, 15 and in juvi, etc...
2006-09-30 06:38:36 · answer #10 · answered by jakesmom 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋