I have been divorced for nine years now. Since then I have lived with three woman all lasting under three months. I have also dated quite a few. The trouble is that every time one little bad episode arises I leave. A couple of them were really nice woman, and did not desirve that. I don't mean to hurt anyone in the process, but after my divorce I do not just want to settle for just any one; I want the right one. Does that make me a bad person?
2006-09-29 20:00:04 · 26 answers · asked by lifescircle 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That doesnt make you a bad person. Perhaps the way you went about things wasnt the nicest, but after your divorce it sounds as if your very untrusting. Skiddish to fall in love again. Fearful that the same thing might happen again. You've got yourself so protected that when something good comes along, and perhaps a fight breaks out you automatically think its the same thing all over again, and jump and leave. A defense mechanism.
I would say that your exwife, must have done something huge, for you to be that protective of yourself and untrusting of others.
You must understand something though, Every relationship goes through its "Infatuation period" as I call it. It's a time when everything is grand. You cant wait to hear from the other person and you get butterflys just hearing their voice. Then as the relationship moves on, the infatuation is gone, and your left with true feelings. Those feelings are scary. You gain questions, more than before. Does she like Me like I like her. Is she going to be like My ex. Does she do the same things. You begin looking for things. Comparing in your minds eye the things your new gf does, as compared to your ex. Then insues the leaving, because you begin to feel trapped.
If I were you, I would try to take some time. Try not to compare to ex's. Ex's are just that ex's, and they are in the past. Sure issues still arise, but work with your gf, and not against her. Willing to work with her, and not against her will make your relationship strong. Be open and honest to her. Tell her, this is what Im going through, and this is what I have been through, You have to give Me some time. I have to work this out. If the new gf loves you she will give you the time you need to be able to work those things out in your head.
Trust is a fragile thing, and once its taken away, or violated its hard to get it back. It can happen though. Just take things slow.
2006-09-29 20:10:57 · answer #1 · answered by Enigma 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are a relationship junkie. You love the feeling of a new and exciting relationship, but then after 3 months, it's not new and exciting anymore, so you bail on them. It's ok, I know tons of people who have this addiction (or affliction). It is a serious problem( i am not saying this as a joke). Being a relationship junkie is an actual thing that has been diagnosed by medical professionals, and you can seek help from a therapist if you wish, or you can continue to search for your Miss Perfect. Either way, good luck to you hunny! :-) Nobody should ever *settle* for anything less than what they consider perfect.
2006-09-29 20:07:20 · answer #2 · answered by Daft One 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What difference will it make if I tell you if that makes you a good or a bad person? The only person you are hurting 'in the process' is yourself. The proper question here would be "Does that make me a HAPPY person?" Believe me, those women you left after few months of living with them did not get too hurt or got into too much emotional pain for too long. They simply shook their shoulders and moved on. My husband divorced me 2 years ago after 10 years of marriage. Something that first looked like a disaster to me when it happened, now looks like a pure blessing (2 years later). I rediscovered myself, my expectations, and just moved on. My advice to you will be : Take it easy. Go easy on yourself and on others. Whatever happened, forget about the past. Start living today and try to think with a smile about tomorrow. You don't have to absolutely find somebody to be happy. Put yourself into God's hands, and take it easy.
2006-09-29 20:24:13 · answer #3 · answered by OC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no it doesn't make you a bad person. Maybe you are just starting to move into these relationships a little too fast by living with them. Get to know the gal really good first and find out if you think that she relly is the one for you. I hav been divorced for 12 years and I am not sure that I am ready to settle down right now. I am really looking for Mr. Right. Good luck
2006-09-29 20:06:10 · answer #4 · answered by Boogs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Finally finding the 'right one' doesn't mean that you will both always see eye to eye on things. There will probably be times when you disagree with your partner but that doesn't mean that things are all wrong, it's just normal. I can understand that you don't want to be in a relationship where you are arguing all the time, no one would want that. You need to look at what is going on in the relationship as a whole before you go and decide that it's not worth continuing.
Good luck.
2006-09-29 22:43:41 · answer #5 · answered by snowfoxx71 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been divorced for about the same time as you,you have to stop running away from your troubles,next time try and work through them,trust the women that your with,your not a bad person you just have to realize that running away from the relationship is not the answer other wise your be running all your life
2006-09-29 20:09:23 · answer #6 · answered by steve o 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So I'm not divorced but can I make a suggestion?
Don't LIVE with them!
DATE them!
That way the line doesn't get all blurred with living together vs. marriage.
Dr. Laura advises you date for at least 6 months to a year before marriage. That way you get to see them for who they really are.
You only get one chance at this life thing ya know? There is no dress rehearsal.
Good luck babe :)
2006-09-29 20:04:29 · answer #7 · answered by Ponderpink 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why move in with them if you don't know them. That is good that you don't want to settle, but you are moving to fast with women. Your hurting them and yes I am a divorced woman. Women bond quickly and we love deep. Just think about that next time. Blessings
2006-09-29 20:04:23 · answer #8 · answered by datalov3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No! You are just insecure about getting into another relationship. Go out, have fun, but stay in your own home. Give it time, three months is not a long enough time to get to know someone. Actually it takes a lifetime, but be patient. What will be, will be.
2006-09-29 20:04:06 · answer #9 · answered by nevada nomad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not a bad person, but stop living with someone on the whim. be selective, sure, and cautious, and much slower in your judgement of living together. speaking from experience, not just words here. you will be more selective, but at the same time when finding that ms. right, open your eyes a bit more and not be so judgemental, or she'll pass right through your fingers
2006-09-29 20:10:10 · answer #10 · answered by virg41star 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋