what's wrong with me? I have my best friend + her kids living with me (I'm a woman too). when her hubby came home from the hospital he was in a bad mood and they started to fight. It reminded me so much of my past that it made me mad. I told him he had to leave, but my friend could stay. I didn't think it was right for me or the kids to have to listen to them fight, in my home. I'm scared to death that once they find a place of their own,+ he's back with her, that she'll not want anything to do with me. I've lost so many best friends, + sometimes I wish I were dead because I seem to be so stupid when it comes to friends. She's more like a sister to me than a friend, but it seems I make her mad with every passing day. No matter what I do to try + have my friends like me, it's never enough,+ in the end they leave (she left, but came back bc her husband and kids wanted to) I'm so scared of losing ppl I care for that I tend to stick with them+ get as much friendship as I can
2006-09-29 19:58:34 · 13 answers · asked by C R 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
In response to the person about clinging with fear, yes, I guess I can say you're right about that part. However, I raised 4 of my nephews from the time that I was 19 until last september when they went back to their mom. I do fine alone as long as it's not me that I have to take care of. I wish that I had kids around me full time so that I would NEED to take care of me to take care of them. I am letting my friends deal with their marriage, but when they brought the fighting into my home while I was here, I had to react, + fast or I would be worse than I am. I don't want to lose another friend because friends come in very few. It took me 7 years to find another best friend like the one I had growing up. I can't kick them out because it is helping me financially & her, her husband is gone, but he's coming on OCT 5. She asked if it's ok, but I don't know if it is or not, I don't know if I should let him + for how long I should let him stay.
2006-09-29 20:20:45 · update #1
Give them a list of hotels and prices and tell them no matter which one they choose its going to be cheaper than living with you. People use you because you let them I assure you that any friend that makes you wish you were dead is not worth keeping.
2006-09-29 20:33:54 · answer #1 · answered by saturn 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, this sounds vaguely familiar to me. Let me start off by saying that you are you, and you have to accept that and don't lose sight of that. You say that you've lost many best friends in life, which leads me to believe that now you may have put up a guard, or some sort of front. You are so afraid of people leaving your life that you cling to them desperately with fear. If this is the case, then you should take the time to realize that you can function without your righthand girl, even though it's extremely difficult at first. Since you are living together, that puts a strain on everything, even true sisters. You have to give her some space, and maybe spend some time apart. When you don't have something in your face every minute of the day you appreciate it more. Also, make time for the two of you, at a spa, or even just shopping. Do something for yourself, and then your friendship. Remember, that you can endure anything you set your mind to.
2006-09-30 03:07:13 · answer #2 · answered by magz 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was just thinking about the same thing as you today. Maybe you could do volunteer work. Volunteer types are really nice people.
My friend who lives in another state had an endocrine problem which affected his psyche and he became paranoid. He thought people were trying to kill him when in fact no one cares enough to focus on him. He took off for a foreign country so he could be safe from these pretend potential killers. Since I have two children, I thought it was best to distance myself while he is busy trying to set up inexpensive long-distance communication. My fear is that if he needs to run from people hunting him down, he could show up on my doorstep. I wouldn't be able to let him in as I think it would be too risky, so I figured that I can't be much of a friend anymore.
2006-09-30 03:16:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have unfortunately ran into a very delicate situation of providing help when it was needed (Bless your heart) and not knowing when to allow the problem to resolve itself.
The man-woman-family relationship is stronger than the friendship bond and all the involved parties will try to stay together despite the stupidity of the whole entire thing as you plainly see it.
Let it be.
Find friends who are like yourself. Go out with them and have fun. Travel and have your own life.
2006-09-30 03:14:14 · answer #4 · answered by QuiteNewHere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are both using you. Kick them out and change the locks. You can do better than that. You don't need their money to survive, you Will be OK trust me...I live on $590 a month. I got rid of bad boyfriends, husbands, and girlfriends...and I have a $250 a month apartment by myself. I have no friends, except God and when I go to the yard and talk to the squirrels or neighbors....It's glorious not having trash lying around using me.
2006-09-30 03:54:27 · answer #5 · answered by Kitty L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how hard you might try, you cannot "fix" other people.
there is a point when you have got to decide it is either "them" or "me". You are NOT their parent, guardian, or any other person responsible for their behavior. Only THEY are are responsible for what they do. PLEASE do not condemn yourself for what they may do to each other. and PLEASE do not base your life on whether someone ELSE is happy, or not. YOUR happiness is the only thing that truly matters to you. My advice is to join a support group of some type and find NEW friends who will HELP you along.
God bless your journey.
2006-09-30 03:12:06 · answer #6 · answered by Wizard of Oz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your problem could be that you try too hard. You need to respect her space and let her take her own decisions. back off * however* having said that, you have been an excellent friend by taking her and her kids in and if she isn't appreciative maybe she was never a good friend and you deserve better.
2006-09-30 03:07:07 · answer #7 · answered by webby 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you are firstly none of the above I believe that you are getting a little too involved with their problems try not to get between a husband and wife you will always become a target but always be there for your friends when they need someone to count on and a shoulder to cry on, most couples with kids tend to fight now and then.
2006-09-30 03:11:10 · answer #8 · answered by trvrrhds 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would rather live in debt...I think you could put an add in the paper and get treated better by strangers than these so called user friends of yours They have no respect for you and it ain't your fault they're living like they do...
2006-09-30 03:36:08 · answer #9 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If these people are you're best friends, Then you are better off dead ! It's time to kick these losers out in the street where they belong ! With friends like that, you are better off alone !
2006-09-30 03:06:00 · answer #10 · answered by g_man 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋