Help needed to deal with my mother-in-law?

Question

Where do I start? My MIL is making my life a misery, husband knows what she is like she is very controlling. big problem we live next door to 2 laws if things don't go her way she sulks, & storms off & when she losing an argument starts crying for sympathy She moans all the time, she does not have a gud word 2 say about anybody. She has a daughter, who she treats totally different daughter & family live about 10 mins away. NOT an option 4 us to move, as we are in business, my hubby is senior partner to his Dad, his mother moans she never has enough money, they can't go out and its not fair, my hubby asked her how much money she wanted, then we find out t she is buys lots for her daughter tv etc. She can't hve everything, it wud be nice if she could help her daughter but at what cost? Life is a constant battle everyday with her, Hubby & I hve tried with her then ok for 2 weeks then all starts again, Just feel she is ruin my life and I just don't know wot 2 do, how do I solve this? help

She was very nice in the beginning, its not as easy as you make out, it is a business that has been handed down, and everyone has to compromise, but she seems to think everyone but her, has to do what she says and wants to do (her husband included) otherwise she makes everyones lives a misery, you can only fit some many words into Yahoo I can't tell you everything that goes on, my hubby does not get on with her either, his own mother!!!! lots of people have also asked how I put up with her, so I know it is not me. Its just a very complicated situation we are in, and its hard, my hubby stick together so there are no problems with us, its just her. Day in day out, if we go away on holiday, its a break, but she moans about that, I work to support our holidays, she does not, she gets enough money from the business, her hubby does not know that she spends her money on the daughter, he would not be happy but I can't say its not up to me to tell him.

Answer 1

Sounds like your MIL had all the attention on her for years and years and is acting like a spoilt brat now that the attention getters she's used in the past aren't as effective as they used to be. If she moans about not having enough money refer her back to her own husband. Its not your or her sons place to fund her pocket money. Secondly, you can tell her that owning a business takes sacrifices on everyone's part. What can she do to creat more business or help out. etc. (Sounds like she'd run fast if you mentioned her working) You could also tell her on one of her whining sessions, that she must learn to budget her money more carefully. (You can always say it would take you a while to save the money for a TV like you bought your daughter!) etc. Let her know subtley that you on onto her. She sounds like a right lazy and greedy cow. My ex MIL was that way and she'd stop at nothing to be the center of focus of EVERYTHING! You both just have to be firm, fair, and it wouldn't hurt to have a meeting with his dad just so he knows just how much she is affecting you both.

Good luck....

Answer 2

I have the perfect answer ,put her with my daughter in law ,she sounds Exactly the same ,don`t they make your life a complete misery ,She has turned my grandchildren against my husband and I ,I would have done anything for her ,,,,not now I give up ,they get you like that in the end ,you forgive them for so long ,nobody else can see any wrong in them ,they are so sweet ,believe me you will come out best in the end ,why should you move ,I think they have too much spare time to moan about everything ,if they had a Little more to do it would make life a lot easier ,We have tried really hard ,perhaps too hard ,try being too busy to do things for her for a change and leave time for yourself and your husband ,why are they so selfish ,I don`t want to argue and fight all the while and I`m sure you don`t ,anyway good luck if it`s like my problem it won`t resolve ,you just have to put up with it as you say it only lasts for a few day`s ,you think it`s all settled then Bang it`s back again ,I give up ,anyhow good luck you sound like you need it ,

Answer 3

When someone is interfering with your peace of mind, you are suffering, but they are not. That means that it is you that needs the relationship to change - there is no reason for her to change at all. She is getting her need for control met by doing what she's doing. She will not change no matter how much you try to reason with her or argue with her or whatever. So what can you do? Accept totally that this is the way she always was and always will be. Realise that she is toxic to you. When you are allergic to something in your environment, you take control and limit your exposure to it. I see that at the moment you can't physically move away from her. You have to start small. Make her smaller in your life. At the moment she's dominating your time and your conversation. Make it a goal to cut down the amount of time you spend conversing with her or about her even by a few minutes each day. When she's with you and things are getting stressful try being the first to end the session even if you have to excuse youself and go lock yourself in the bathroom for half an hour. What you'll be doing is little by little taking back control. Decide to absolutely ignore her opinions on anything you do - it's always going to be negative because that's her mindset. Ignore most of the irritating things she does and don't waste all your time with your husband talking about them. That's my advice - consciously make her a smaller part of your life and teach yourself to tune her out like a radio station you don't want to listen to. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think the only real solution is for you and your hubby to cut your loses and move. Your around your monster in law WAY to much and living next to her is WAY to much. You need to get away from her and that's all there is to it. I'm sure she will still complain,but you won't have to hear it if you don't live by her or deal with her any more. I know where your coming from because I HAD a monster in law just like that. My ex was such a mama's boy also. I'm so glad they are both out of my life. As for what Felicia said, it's all good, but most the time the monster in laws are already set in their ways and will not change.

Answer 5

You need to bring this matter to a head,just tell her straight to fu*k-off,& not to come near you or your family ,until she learns to show you some respect.Of course,there will be a bit of an uproar,but 1 of 2 things will happen,either she wises up,or she will keep her trap shut when you are there,but for this to work,you need your wimpy husband to stand up like a man & back you all the way.Your husband could sever the partnership with his dad & start up a similar business in another town.Anything is better than what you are going through now.Good luck.

Answer 6

Clearly you and your husband are either placating or blaming her.... for what the both of you are allowing her to get away with.
What would help ; if you and your husband first decide : what the you both want to do and how to manage the situation.
Continue to play this power game or sit her down and set some boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not and .. yes sure.... she'll react .. and try to disregard them, turn her back ...on them, grumble and complain.... , cry... play the victim......or whatever else she does....... given time and if the both of you do not cave in... ( remember the boundaries you've set, stick to them like glue ) she'll recognise that the both of you are serious.... and eventually she'll accept the change ..... and then only then .... you' ll both be able to live in peace. Remember united you stand ... divided you fall. So the both of you must stand firm... saying 'No' is also a loving act sometimes.
Hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 7

I realize it is difficult but you need to move far away. My first wife and I were married 14 yrs., and lived in the same town with both sets of parents. My mother in law was a meddling person, and after we had children it got worse. We had an opportunity to get a house cheap next door to my parents, and the meddling went up tenfold. She was telling me what I could do and couldn't with my kids, always threatening us, even trying to get me to leave my job I was happy with. A wedge began to develop between me and my wife with this problem, and she left a year after moving into that house. I spent eight years of nasty custody fights (I won) after wards. She pulled the same stuff with her other daughter and son, the sons family was also destroyed. The daughter got smart and moved 600 miles away. They are still married. The old bag disowned this daughter for doing so. She died of a stroke about half way through the custody battle.

Answer 8

First of all, you and your husband need to sit down and talk about this together. Tell him exactly how you feel. I know how medeling in laws can be annoying. The both of you need to go over to her house and sit her down and explain to her what is going on. She will get mad and say whatever, but if your husband is on your side, tell her that if she doens't make a change soon, that you don't want anything to do with her. It is ok for your husband to have a good realtionship with his mother, but you are his wife and she needs to understand that. I wish the best for you and I hope that things work out for all of you.

Answer 9

No easy answer for you, because no amount of talking and counselling is going to change her.
You have to consider your options
Tell her you are going to have to move and why - if hubby disagrees you may have to choose to go it alone- because he is not fully committed to his wife and children and mom knows how to manipulate the pair of you- good luck

Answer 10

Lock your doors keep her out of your house, that away you won't have to put up with no body's bull S..t but your own.the mother in law needs to grow up NOW!!!!!! because every thing are not always going to go her way. and it's some people out there will show her. my dear you've got your hands full.