blended family?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 12 yrs now. We both had a child when we met. Our children are only a few months apart in age. With our children going on 16 we have been discussing driving. He told one of our sons that he could not have a car until he acted more responsible. his grades are good but he has trouble shutting his mouth sometimes so I agreed to this thinking it would help him learn. But tonight he told our other child who is getting into mischief and making low grades he wants to buy him a car so he can start behaving. I was appalled at this because i had already told my ex that we wanted to wait on buying my son the car. I am not sure how to handle this

I thought the decision was made. I didn't know that my husband had said this until
his son said it too my son over dinner. I did try to talk to my husband regarding my feelings towards this matter. But he was quicktempered. Like i was unmining his decision. My family has never felt so divided.

Answer 1

That's messed up. You need to tell your husband that it isn't fair to set double standards for the two kids- that what he rules on one goes for the other too. Besides- what he's saying is crap. Once you give them the car that kid isn't going to get any better, he's just going to have more means to get into trouble.

If I were in your position I would buy just one car, and tell them they have to share it. If their grades stay up and they stay out of trouble, they can have priviledges to the car. If later it seems like they both deserve to have separate cars, buy another one (of equal value), or you could sell the one and tell them they can split what you make from it and use their half as a downpayment for their own.

Answer 2

HERES THE DEASL ITS THE CASE OF THE STEP CHILD when theres a step child in any relation ship one parent favors there own over the other child , it always happens for one reason or another , talk to your husband and if he done change his mind u need to tell him that its not fair that his chid geta a car and your dont when they both act up in one way or another , if that dont work u need to talk to your ex adn see if he can help u get your son a car , as for your new hubby having say so on your son gettign a car he dont he cant even legally sine for your son to get a learners permit , i hope im getting the kid thing right cause u dont say whos kid is whos , even though you are a family he is responsible for his son and u r responsible for your son

Answer 3

I definitely know how you are feeling. I have been married 11 years and have 2 children with my current husband. I have 3 older daughters from a previous marriage. He is a wonderful stepfather but it is so difficult at times to agree on discipline. Whatever agreement you come to should be based on that particular childs merit or consequence. You know you aren't always going to agree, just try and compromise then. If you can't communicate, not only will your relationship between kids be in trouble, but your marriage as well. Not only will both kids be happier and more stable but so will your marriage.

Answer 4

sounds like you need to have a long discussion with your hubbie...something is not right. What you do to one you must also do with the other... if not ,then, hard feeling or hurt feeling will be the result. has he ever shown a difference in the kids before? maybe you just haven't seen it until now...hope all works out for you

Answer 5

I say talk to your husband and tell him that you do not understand his rationale. (I do not understand it based on the limited details you offered.) By the way -- perhaps the BOTH of you should discuss these matters prior to discussing anything about them with anyone else -- sons, ex-husbands, whoever.

Answer 6

You need to have a serious talk with your hubby if it is his child that he is saying yes to a car then he is playing favorites and that is not fair. You should not get either of them a car until they can pay for half and half the insurance.

Answer 7

Well I know you want to get your kids a car when they are still in high school, but if they don't do things to deserve it, then why would you want to reward them for nothing? So have them help around the house to see if they can be responsible first with the little things, then move to bigger things. Good Luck to you

Answer 8

Communicate....express how u feel about this situation...If you dont do it then he may never hear it tell later. It is hard to blend families...I applude u for staying strong and doing so...But i would have a sit down with them all and discuss the situation.