how can i help a six year old little boy deal with his anger?

Question

when my son gets mad and he brakes throws and runs away and tells everyone he hates them

Answer 1

Is he going through something bad? Is this sudden? Any big changes at home or in his life? If you've checked out all those, and they're fine... One thing that may work is asking him in a quiet moment, when he's not angry (like maybe storytime, or right before bed) what makes him angry, and tell him you're concerned because it's not fun to be angry. The insight could give you some ideas.

In general, with strong feelings and little children, it is best when they act out to say "I can see that you're feeling (name feeling... angry)." Then they will say something like "yes I am, I'm very angry!" You can then be with him, let him know (verbally if needed) that you will keep him safe from the anger. This will likely help him feel better. He may actually be very afraid.

If none of this makes any sense, check out HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN AND LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALK by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Their techniques are very good. I helped my two children through some very horrific anger (divorce) using their techniques.

Answer 2

I have a soon to be 6 year old son too.and come from a large family (#13 of 14) I have been an uncle my entire life (38).
You need to ask yourself a couple questions. has thier been any major changes in his or your lives recently? Try and remember when this first started happening what was going on at that time? Do you find yourself or others are telling him no alot or not spending as much time with him as they used to? My son gets loud and becomes as I call it spazman when I do not pay enough attention to him. i.e. work late alot. I used to get upset when he did this but my older sis clued me in. Now when he gets like that i calmly ask him to come here and I give him a big hug and tell him I love him and ask him if everything is ok or what is bothering you bud. He usualy will tell me i just love you and miss you dad. Or I want you to play with me. I got an answer the first time I did this. good Luck remember they are just little people who have no clue how to handle thier feelings yet.

Answer 3

Remember 1st and foremost the anger is an emotion that can be reasonable (you have to determine if it is an appropriate reaction to the situation). What you have to deal with is teaching him appropriate ways to deal with his anger and honestly, that is the rub. Very, very difficult to teach because what do you really teach. We all get angry. It is a normal human emotion. I tell my boys in a situation where anger is understandable what is appropriate and what is NOT appropriate but the emotion is not BAD. We work on ways they can make themselves feel better and make them understand that they just don't feel good when they are angry. I am trying to teach them that their REACTION to a situation is totally under their control and that is ALL they have control over. And it is different for different kids. The key is to find what works for your child. I just don't think it is right to tell them that their feeling is wrong but their reaction to that feeling might be wrong. When I was a kid I was not allowed to express any anger whatsoever or I would get in HUGE trouble. I can remember getting in trouble because I had a angry look on my face when I was playing soccer during a game ... good lord. The emotion isn't wrong it is how it is expressed.
Good luck because it is not an easy one at all!

Answer 4

My daughter has the same problems. We have taken her to a psychiatrist. She was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorders, social and separation. She has had a very hard time with this and it has been there from birth.This may not be your son's problem, but there is something that triggers his out bursts and that is the only way he knows to let his feelings out. You must be patient with him. I will tell you like her doctor told me.....Imagine being stuck in a small room full of something you are terrified of, this could be what your child is feeling when he gets angry. Try holding him and telling him how much you love him, he may reject your words, but he will calm down soon. Another thing you may try, is ignoring his outbursts. Walk into another room, just make sure where you leave him, there is nothing he can hurt himself with in anger. My prayers are with you, I know you need them. It is hard watching your baby have such a hard time.

Answer 5

It may be the age group cause mine does it too. When he gets mad, i just calmly ask him what's wrong, not interrupt, and usually when he gets to the end of his story, he's calmed down. Other times, i put him in the corner and tell him what the rules of the house are. Taking his fav toys away helps too. Otherwise, i'm in the same boat with you.

Answer 6

I think when everybody is calm and happy you need say, "Oh... Freddie, I've been meaning to talk to you about something...."

and then try a speech like this:

"You know, you're six now; and we have to make some changes in some things because I'm worried that you aren't going to have any friends and that now that you're older people are starting to think you have something wrong with you because of this business you do when you get angry. I understand that people get angry, but you're not two any longer, and now you have to start acting like a bigger boy when you get angry.

Do you think it would be good if you started acting more like a bigger boy now? Wouldn't it be good if people weren't thinking they don't want to play with you?

We're going to start by having a new rule in the house - nobody yells. I want to help you know how big kids and grown-ups need to handle anger. If something goes on that makes you angry walk away. Go into your bedroom and close the door (don't slam it).

Another new rule is that you aren't going to be throwing things or breaking things. This is important because people who do this kind of thing when they're angry have to do get helped by a doctor - and I don't think you need a doctor, do you? I could bring you to a doctor to see if he/she could help you with this trouble you have with being angry, but I think you're now grown-up enough to be able to let me help you do things differently when you get angry.

So we're having another new rule: If you get angry, go get away in your bedroom for a while. Put the television on, find some toy that you like to get your mind off being angry, or just rest on your bed or on the floor for a while until you feel calm. If you really need to punch something punch into your bed or pillow. That's not such a hard rule, is it?

So we really only have three new rules to remember: One is no yelling. Anyone who is angry can talk about it, but not yelling. The second one is walk away. The third one is don't break or throw things. Try not to punch anything, but if you have to punch the bed or pillow. Just those three simple rules will make you feel much better and much more grown-up, don't you think?

Oh - there is just one other rule, and its an important one. Its about people screaming, "I hate you" when they're angry. Daddy and I don't say that to you, do we? You know, when you're outside and around strangers it may not matter too much if once in a while you say something nasty; but the people in the house are the people who love you more than anyone ever will. It is wrong to say, "I hate you" just because it doesn't show respect. Daddy and I respect you, don't we? We don't want a house where people are saying mean and hateful things. There's enough of that outside. We want peace in the house.

So, do you think you can remember the new rules, or do you want me to write them down? I'm going to give you a few days to get used to the new rules and to see how well you do. I think you are grown-up enough to have no problem with these few rules. If it turns out you do, then we'll make sure you get some help from a counselor or doctor because I know you can't be happy doing what you do now."

On another day (not too far off) when people are calm and happy give Freddie a reading on how he's doing with the rules. Mention that it is very important he learn to manage being angry because if he grows up and keeps doing that he could end up in jail or hurting his own children. Praise him if he's doing well, Make sure he feels you're on his side and trying to help rather than that you're an adversary or someone trying to control him.

During another conversation mention to him that he doesn't see other kids in school doing that usually, and that he doesn't see you or other family members doing that, and that he doesn't see people in the stores doing that. Let him consider for himself how bizarre that behavior can be.

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I don't know if my suggested speech will help, but I tried. You could always try reading SuperNanny's books or watching her tv program.

Answer 7

be patient with him as he is in his learning age.
try to make up his mind about good things and bad things. then develop a craze in him to be a good person by making an image of his favorite hero as a good person and the character he dislikes as a bad person.
reward him on his good work and limit him from little entertainment when he commits something bad.
if u don't want to limit his entertainment try to show him that u r not happy with his bad work and avoid him for a while by not listening to him or by not talking to him.

May he learn soon.

Answer 8

Take him to a psychologist if you don't see any clear root for his anger. Even then you might want to just in case.

Answer 9

Remain calm and collected while you are punishing him! If you take away something he REALLY loves, he eventually give up the tantrums. Stick to it!

Answer 10

spank his tail, then make him stand in a corner with his hands both held out in the air like a air plane and teach him. Your the adult