Parental Correctness.Hypothetical:Let's say there was a young woman in her early 20s who had a baby out of wed

Question

The father is an abusive drug addict who is pretty much out of the picture for above reasons. She knows nothing about babies or motherhood & lives with her psychologically unstable mother to whom she takes advice from. She is very naive but means no harm & cares/loves for her baby to the best of her ability. She works, tries to get some career training & so on, but while doing that guess who babysits. Mom. Her baby begins to show signs of malnutrition & is developmentally behind. So to avoid CPS from taking the child, she moves in with her cousin and family who are better off. But things don't go well & her cousin is convinced she isn't fit to be a mother. The cousin eventually convinces the mother to give up her rights so they can adopt the baby. The mother doesn't really want to but feels like everyone is against her & helpless.They ship her to the military&5 years later,she has another baby happy and healthy and she is a great mom. Should she try & fight to get the other child back?

Answer 1

God bless the children.If you believe these people love the child and are good parents I think it would traumatize the child to remove it.I would insist on being a part of its life with visits.I think you would not be awarded the child under the circumstances.If both you and the couple love this child there should be no problem with interaction .The most important thing are the children,if theres to be a fight ,let it go,she will look you up one day.You have the other child this also might do damage to.Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

When people use expressions such as 'fight for it' I cannot help but wonder what they think a child is. A child is not a piece of property you haggle over in court or over the dinner table. A child is a living, breathing, feeling being who through no fault of her/his own was brought into this world. If a woman made poor choices and brought a child into the world with the help of someone less than desirable, that's not the child's fault. If the woman was in no position to properly look after the child, that's not the child's fault. In this scenario, obviously the cousin was wise enough and generous enough to make the decision to take on complete responsibility for the child. The child, at least ,had an emotionally and financially stable home to grow up in.
Regardless of whether the birth mother now has 'her act together' and can look after the child, it is still too traumatic for the child to be torn away from the only people and home she has ever known. One can't reappear after five years, barge in on a child's life saying 'Look you're MINE, and I'm going to take you away.' To the child such a person will be nothing but a big ogre and if she creates legal problems for the adoptive parents, she'll be injuring the child as well and scarring her/him for life. The birth mother cannot 'make up' for the years lost. The child was too young at the time of separation.
If the mother truly loves the child, she would do well to just admire the child from a distance and maybe when the child is older and better able to understand, reveal herself. If the mother barges in now, she shows herself to be a selfish ***.

Answer 3

No the first child has bonded to her adoptive family by now. Taking a 5 year old from what she sees as her family at this point would cause the child a grate deal of harm .The best case would be when the baby starts to ask questions about her birth-mother that they meet and the mother anuses her questions about why she was given to her adoptive mother, (her age that she couldn't give the child what the child needed,etc) The two MOMS know each other-if a more open form of adoption was possible then that would be in the best interest of the child.

Answer 4

You probably aren't going to like my answers- but I think you need to do a lot more soul searching and give yourself a lot more honest answer before you proceed to do anything else. It sounds like you regret choices you made in your early adulthood- but the fact is you did make the choices and now must live with them- with regret. And you need to step up to the plate and accept the responsibility for those choices. Nobody "shipped" you off to the military. You weren't drafted. You went to the recruiter, took the entrance exam, signed the contract and raised your right hand. You left an immature girl, and in five years in the military you grew up. Fine and admireable. You are a mother again, and in a much better position to raise this new child. That's good for the new child and you.
The baby you gave up has spent her most formative years being loved and cared for by the people you gave her to. At the time that was the best choice for both of you. To go back now and rip that child from the only family she's know would be exceedingly cruel to her. It might gratify your needs, and ease your conscience- but it would do a great deal of harm to her. When you place a child for adoption, and relinquish your parental rights, it is permanent. You do not get to change your mind years later, when you finally feel like you can meet the challenges of parenthood.
When you originally made your decision, no doubt you thought and felt you were giving your child the best chance at a better life you could provide. I applaud you for having the courage to make that kind of a tough decision. I wish I could make you ache less for the child you gave up- but nobody can do that. I see nothing in your question that would make me think that the family she belongs to now is any less able to provide the child a stable, happy, and healthy life and future. If you are truly concerned with doing what is best for this child, you should leave the child exactly where he/she is right now. Your primary concern as a parent should always be what is best for the child- not what will make you feel better, or ease your conscience, or salve your regrets. We all made mistakes in our youth- we all have regrets we must live with. Enjoy the child you have now, but leave the other child undisturbed and secure in her family. Love in this case means giving up for good- for the good of the child.

Answer 5

Absolutely. The mom would have to prove that she is looking out for the best of the child by fighting for custody and being civil. She wouldn't want to stress the child out. I dont know what kind of a relationship this person would have with the child, but it would be important for them to develop a bond, and for that child to realize who the biological mother really is. Also, she could explain the story about how she was practically forced to give the child up. That would be a good defense. I would suggest to get a good lawyer and to fight until the day comes when that child is in her arms. BUT I would only do so if she truly is happy, healthy, and ready to deal with the problems that would lay ahead and work hard to make up for those lost years. Also I would still let the other family see the child.

Answer 6

First of all if she was living with her mother and leaving the child with her mother while she was at school/work then why the hell didn't she notice her child was malnourished and behind developmentally? Were there no doctor visits for the baby? Frankly I say leave the child where the child is happy and healthy, it's what is best for the child that matters

Answer 7

It would really depend on the status of the 1st child's living conditions. If she has a nice family environment and is doing well where she is, it would be best for the child to stay there and have a relationship with her mother. (I have a friend who had a very similar situation- she gave up her twins to go live with a brother in law. She now has them on weekends and has a nice relationship but she even said it would be disruptive to them to take them back and out of a secure stable situation that they have become accustomed to.)

Bottom line- What is best for the Child- not the mother.

Answer 8

YES TRY TO GET THE BABY BACK IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE INTERFERED WITH HER LIFE WITH HER BABY BUT NOW SHE IS BETTER ABLE TO HANDLE THE BABY YES GET THE BABY BACK GET A GOOD LAWYER AND GET CUSTODY BUT ALSO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT AND GET COUNSELING FOR THE CHILD AND THE MOM CUZ OF THE 5 YRS APART AND THE SEP FROM THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED HER FOR THE LAST 5 YRS .MAKE SURE THE MOTHER HAS KEPT A CLEAN LIFE AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE USED AGAINST HER THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED THE BABY IT MAY HELP IF THE MOM CAN PROVE THEY COERSED THE MOTHER INTO GIVING CUSTODY OF CHILD OVER TO THEM I WISH LUCK TO THE MOTHER AND THE CHILD AND THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED THE CHILD TRY TO LET THEM KEEP A VISITATION WITH THE CHILD .MAKE SURE WHAT YOU DO IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD .

ANOTHER THING SINCE SHE DID GIVE UP THE RIGHT AND THEY ARE FAMILY AT LEAST SHARE CUSTODY AS LONG AS SHE IS FIT TO TAKE CARE OF A CHILD .THE FAMILY SHOULD NEVER OF HAD HER DO THAT THEY SHOULD OF BEEN SUPPORTIVE OF HER AND HELPED HER WITH THE CHILD IT SEEMS LKE THE FAMILY DID WHAT WAS BEST OF THEM AND NOT THE CHILD AND THE MOTHER FAMILY HELPS FAMILY NOT TAKES FAMILY AWAY . GOOD LUCK CONTACT A LAWYER ASAP A DAMN GOOD ONE BECAUSE THIS WILL BE A HARD FIGHT

Answer 9

If that were me you bet I would fight to get my child back. But also on the other side of things everyone needs to make sure what is right for the child, and as long as the mother is now stable then the child should belong with his/her mother. It would be tough going back though as it's been 5 years the child has not known his/her mother and would take some getting used to and probably has a bond with the lady that adopted him/her so they should still see each other on occasion.

Answer 10

No, don't fight. The child is trying to live a normal life, and deserves to. He was probably better off with the stable family, and doesn't need all this upheaval in his life. She can see him like any other relative. When he is grown up, and can deal with all of this, then perhaps she should let him know who she is, and that she loves him very much. But don't make him pay for her mistakes.