On Thursday, my husband and I are going to be fighting for custody of his daughter from a previous marriage. Her mother is a serious drug addict among other things. She has been picked up numerous times for possesion, theft, I.R.S. fraud and identity theft. My husband and I have no run-ins with the law and we just bought a 4 bedroom house today. Why am I so scared that we won't get custody? And if we don't, should I or my husband feel like failures?
2006-09-29 16:09:18 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm also nervous that the stress of the custody battle will affect me and my unborn little girl. I'm six months pregnant and yes we have documented everything with the ex-wife
2006-09-29 16:20:57 · update #1
You're scared because it's been implanted into our brains that most courts side with the mother on issues like this. Honey, it's time to leave that train of thought at the station. That's no longer the way it works. If what you say is true, you have no reason to fear losing on this case. This mother has some serious issues and I can't see a court in their right mind leaving the child with her mother. If the child is under the age of 12, the child doesn't have a say either way, so that shouldn't frighten you. The court will hear her opinions through the report of a guardian adlitem and social worker, but the it's ultimately their decision and it's made on who can meet the best interests of the child better.
And if for some God forsaken reason, you do lose, don't consider yourselves failures. Consider the court system that for failing that little girl. If they deny it, don't stop pursuing it. In situations like this, I know it's hard, but it's worth it for the sake of his daughter. She didn't ask for a mother like this and she probably doesn't want her parents fighting over her. What she probably wants to do is just lie her head down on a soft pillow in a safe place and have it all go away. I wish you the best of luck honey!
2006-09-29 16:20:32 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being nervous is normal. It should be on a much lower level though, if your sure there isn't any thing she can prove bad about you or your hubby. If the daughter is old enough to decide on where she wants to live, the courts usually asks them. If she's younger , you'll have to come up with all the DIRT you can on her, if your ready to raise her daughter.
IF you DON'T win custody, NO never feel like failures. Just show the daughter all the love you can when visits happen, and watch out for her well being. Hang in there, and Good Luck!!
2006-09-29 23:26:00 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay as relaxed as you can, and do the best you can. No, of course you should not feel like failures if you don't get custody. This is your life, and the life of an innocent child, but to the people who will be working with you (judge, lawyers, court personnel, whoever else) this is their job. It can help to be polite to them and be easy to work with. If they like you they will want to help you. Too many good parents get so stressed out that they become irritible and inadvertently alienate some important players (law guardian, judge, an influential social worker, whomever). Your daugher's welfare is at stake, and you two need to be at your best. Give yourselves massages, eat a healthy easy to digest breakfast or lunch before court, drink plenty of fluids, and dress conservatively (suits are always appropriate, ties for men, conservative dress or skirt/blouse for women). Don't focus on the ex's flaws, they will likely speak for themselves. If you must focus on them, have some written proof and present it, it speaks so much louder than words, which can make you sound like a complainer. Good luck.
2006-09-29 23:17:12 · answer #3 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As far as custody goes the court will figure out what is best for the child...and depending on the child's age the court may take into consideration what she wants as well. In a number of states if a child is at least 6 years old they can have a say as to which parent they want to have custody of them.
2006-09-30 02:01:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont see any reason why you wont get the child. She proves time and again that shes not a fit mother so i would think the court will see that clearly too and grant you and the hubby custody. If you dont get custody.... dont feel like failures, she probably had a darn good lawyer. Best of luck to you!!
2006-09-29 23:13:01 · answer #5 · answered by Michelle : 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The unknown always makes me feel nervous, when I went through my custody battle I was very nervous, scared completely beside myself...........though I knew I was going to clean the courtroom with my sons fathers a s s! Don't worry she sounds pretty unfit, good luck to you!! Keep your head up as this is very heart-wrenching!
2006-09-29 23:15:33 · answer #6 · answered by KansasCityGirl26 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to have proof of everything she is being accused of when you walk into that court room in documentation form and if all that is said is true then there is no way in gods earth that you wouldnt get custody being the terrible parent you say she is
2006-09-29 23:12:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your best to be honest with the court. do NOT lie about anything no matter what. They see right through that. It sounds like you'll be fine. Relax and you are not a failure...you're a hero for wanting to do such a thing.
2006-09-29 23:18:07 · answer #8 · answered by anneboz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't feel nervous ... but because you do shows how much you care for this little girl ... you have a stable home for her the judge should see that she would be better off with you guys than her mother ... but you need to stay quiet, as the "step" mother you have no voice or rights ... her dad & lawyer must fight hard for her.
2006-09-29 23:33:34 · answer #9 · answered by emnari 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
to tell you the truth i think you all should win because of the daughter 's mothers past history and they will look at who has the best home for her and it sounds to me like you all do and what the best thing is her .no i don't you all should feel like failures just keep your head up and keep trying to get her
2006-09-29 23:17:17 · answer #10 · answered by Christine M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋