My husband has had custody of his 7 year old daughter since she was 9 months.I started playing the "mom"role when she was 20 months.Through years of cancellations,excuses,no support to how I was raising her from her "mother",and now that shes 7 and can do alot for herself,and her mother is dating a moneybag older man shes taking her visit as scheduled, lets her watch rated "R" movies,like when she was 5 watched "chucky" and "scream1",couple weeks ago came home and said she watched scary movie 4 which I have never seen but her dad and I rented it to see what it was,and the first thing it says is sexual exploitation and suggestion throughout movie!! the mother says Ill let her do what I want when I have her! she frequently slipped up and said some curse words last week but does no good talking to the mother! am I overreacting or does this enrage other mothers?
2006-09-29 15:40:00 · 31 answers · asked by luv2bawifenmom 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Absolutely you are not overreacting. Truth is you have raised this child and show more love and concern than her biological mother. You may not be able to change the fact that this woman will be part of your lives and that she may expose your daughter to things that you and your husband will disagree with but this child will grow up knowing who she finds the most stability with. Also, anyone can bring a baby into the world, a real mom is the one who raises that child. Be encouraged, sounds like you are a great mom. Good luck!!
2006-09-29 15:59:07 · answer #1 · answered by Kim M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am the biological mother of a 7 1/2 yr old girl. I have physical custody of her and her father and step mom get visitation. If this was happening on her visits there would be HELL to pay. Start documenting the things that happen and have you daughter (since she basically is) keep a journal in her own words on what happens and what shes allowed to watch while with her mother. When you can and have enough take these things to your lawyer and ask "Now what can we do to change this?" If she's not old enough to watch anything but Disney, then how is watching Scream and Scary Movie 4 doing anything good for her well being and safety? I applaud you on your active role, and hope everything works out.
2006-09-29 23:27:11 · answer #2 · answered by Maw730 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a former step father, I feel your pain. I know what it's like to try to do the right thing by a child and seemingly have everyone else in that childs life trying to undermine you. First of all you ARE doing the right thing by the child, trying to provide a stable and safe home environment and don't let anyone ever tell you differant. You must remain consistant in your ground rules while the child is with you. Second of all, if the childs father has a backbone, he needs to be standing up to the ex and letting her know that that kind of exposure is not going to be tollerated. I know that sounds mean, but my ex just flat would not stand up to her ex or her family and I was fighting a losing battle the whole time. If you and your husband are not presenting a united front, then you will lose in the long run. Tell him you have to have this or you will never get the respect you deserve. Unfortunately as long as what the ex is doing is not endangering the child or causing physical harm, there isn't a whole lot that the law will do about most of your complaints. Just wish she could be locked up for allowing her to be exposed to that kind of material at such a young age, but that's just not the case. Good luck.
2006-09-29 22:53:00 · answer #3 · answered by rsqur 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, ideally both households should have the same values. It's probably because the mother doesn't know any better and thinks it's cool to be a "friend" rather than a parent. Any chance of sitting down and agreeing on some ground rules? In a non-accusatory way, through saying "I know we both want what's best for the child-- let's agree on what's acceptable for her to watch and what's not." Is it just the movies that are bad?
Anyway, even if the mother is totally derelict in her moral duties, your continued good influence will shape the child more since she spends time with you.
2006-09-29 22:46:07 · answer #4 · answered by shrinkydinkheart 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not even a mother and that sounds wrong. There's a reason why movies are PG-13 or R. NONE of the "Scary Movies" are appropriate for a 5 year old child. Besides, "Chucky" traumatized me as a kid, and I wasn't much older than that when I saw it. That mother needs someone to slap some sense into her!
2006-09-29 22:43:49 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No You are not over reacting. No child age 7 should be allowed to watch rated R movies that have sexual themes to it. That makes me furious hearing some mother would do that. That mother isn't fit to be a mother if she is letting her child watch stuff like that and letting the child do whatever the child wants. That mother's rights should be terminated.
2006-09-30 00:37:37 · answer #6 · answered by midnightwolf99_2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not overreacting. Since the biological mother won't cooperate, just continue to instill good values & morals in YOUR daughter when she's home with you. Make sure she knows that no matter what goes on when she's with her "play-mother", certain behaviors, attitudes, language, etc. will not be tolerated in your home without serious consequences. Let her know that you love her & that you'll always be there for her.
2006-09-30 18:35:32 · answer #7 · answered by queen4life! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what the heck, what kind of parent is she to let her own "daughter" do what she wants to do and watch what she want to watch. they made ratings for a reasons. plus you're more of a mother than she is anyway, because you helped raise her for all those years and you care about what she watches and what comes out of other peoples mouths that are around her. No I do not think you're over reacting because if she was a real mother she would care about this kind of stuff. Keep doing what you're doing because you really love her.
2006-09-30 01:10:34 · answer #8 · answered by angeleyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
by all means you are not, overreacting.i was married to a woman for ten years and was very happy or so i thought that i was, she found love i mean lust with someone i had been friends with since childhood she found that he only wanted her for play and one day she just up and told me all about her fling i was very deeply hurt by this i could not deal with what she done to our family she and i were divorced soon after, we had two children together i was very lucky i gained custedy of both my seven year old son and my nine year old daughter as time went by i had met a lady that i fell in love with wich i never thaught i would never do again my daughter is now sixteen and has a eight month old baby wich we love very much but is about nine years early my daughter stayed with her mother over the summer met a teenage boy and her mother pretty much let her do what she wanted i knew her staying at her moms was a bad idea but i was affraid if i did not my daughter would grow up to hate me for keeping her from her mom. my ex has had so many different men living with her i lost count she is a very nice talker with a knife in her other hand if you know what i mean. my son would stand at the front door wating because his mom would call and tell him she was coming to see him. but she i gess found something else better to do and i remember my son standing at the front door crying because his mom lied again. do every thing you can to keep your child i repeat your child because she is your child,safe from anything and anyone that might bring harm to here, including her birth mother.but you must be careful in who and how you keep her from you must do these things through court. you and the childs father should talk to a lawyer find out your options.
2006-09-29 23:57:36 · answer #9 · answered by spence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be pretty mad.
It stinks because she needs the influence of her mother in her life, but by doing so, she will undermine everything you've tried to teach her. Hopefully, when she comes out of this a grown adult, she will see her mother with open eyes, instead of through the rose colored glasses she will have for years now just because mom is finally paying attention.
I'm sorry you or anyone has to go through that.
2006-09-29 22:47:01 · answer #10 · answered by Jen B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋