Am I too young??

Question

I was wondering when a good age is to starting a family?? I am 19 turning 20 in 3 months, I feel that starting a family at a young age would be a good thing considering you can grow up with your children and not be too old and unable to do such things with them like sledding, playing outside with them, just being able to have fun and grow up with them. Also How do you know if you are ready or not to have kids??? Very curious if I am too young or not??

Another thing is my fiance is 26 and isnt getting much younger he wants a big family just like me and tells me that theres no pressure when Im ready let him know.

Answer 1

Yes you are too young. You don't want to "grow up with you're children." That is what siblings are for.

Answer 2

Biological age is important, but not the most important factor to consider when thinking about starting a family. You need to make sure you have a good education and a stable career. You shouldn't want to "grow up" w/ your children. Kids are fun, but they're a lot of work. Especially when they're small, children require a lot more love and attention than they give. My daughter is 20 months old, and although she's more independent (obviously) than she was at birth, I get less "me" time as time goes on. At 20 (and I'm 23, so I'm speaking from experience) you're interested in being able to go where you want when you want. With a baby, you can't do that. It takes me twice as long to get ready to go any where than it did before I had a baby. You either have to find child care or take your baby with you if you need to go to the grocery store, mall, etc. And your shopping time depends on your child. If your child is tired, hungry, wet, or just grumpy, you may have to just forget shopping for the day and go home. Don't get me wrong, children bring so much to your life, but they also change your life in ways you could never imagine. Speaking from experience again, most young people are selfish people. After having baby, you have to shift the focus from yourself to the baby. That can be a difficult change to make. Only you know if you're ready to make those kind of sacrifices. I'd always recommend that you get married before having children.

Answer 3

Age has NOTHING to do with being a parent. There are some women who aren't ready for children at 30. My dad's ex is a prime example. She has 5 kids, has never had a job, sits on her butt all day colleecting a welfare check. Not to mention 3 out of the 5 are nothing but deliquents. Her 4 year old is even starting down that path. She was caught stealing clothes from a little girl by climbing through her window when the girl wasn't home. Anyways, I'm 20 and my fiance and I have 2 children. We both have good jobs, just bought a new car, finished high school, I've taken some college courses and I'm going back next year. Our kids are VERY well taken care of. Anyways, I agree with you. I have to admit that I would much rather be a young mom than an old mom. My mom had me when she was 18 and she and I can relate to a lot of things. She was always able to understand me and I have to admit I went through a phase for about a year that I put her through hell. Think of it this way, when your kid goes to college, you'll only be about 40. When your child gets married and has children you'll still be young enough to play with your grandkids without getting tired. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Wow....do you really think that people in their 30's and 40's are too old and "unable" to play, go sledding, etc? You make me feel ancient ! I'm 43, don't have any kids, and I go sledding every year anyway !!!

If you're going to start a family at such a young age, you probably need a better reason than that :)

Personally, I think being a little older, more financially secure and with a little more life experience is a better time to have kids. But good luck whatever you choose to do.

Answer 5

Maturity does play a big role in how young or old a parent should be. Some people will never be mature enough. However, I do believe you should be able to legally by a drink for yourself. More than just play with your children but be able to nurture and care for them physically, emotionally, and financially. Are you sure this man is who you want to be tied to for the rest of your life? Once you have a child with someone, you and that person will be bonded for life. Are both of you ready to provide those children with the love and have enough life experience to protect them from all the harm in the world. Today, to many parents try to be their children's friend instead of their parent. You will be responsible for safely raising them to adulthood. It doesn't matter if they think your their best friend as long as in the end you protected them from all you possibly could. Then they will grow up and one day thank you for always being there to keep them safe. Children need 100% of you a 100% of the time. There is no time off from being a parent, setting that example. Don't rush into having a child just so you can be a young mother, you are not even twenty. There is plenty of time.

Answer 6

I would wait until your fiance is your husband. Having a child is a lot of responsibility. Remember the old adage:" Mama's baby, Daddy's maybe". Don't have a child just because his "biological time clock" is ticking. If the relationship goes sour, he will move on and you will be with the child. It's not fair, but it is true in a majority of the cases. I had my children when I was 22, 25, 29. I know that I had more energy when I was 22, but I had more wisdom when I was 29. We were always struggling financially when we were younger(my husband and I). I feel kind of bad because our first and second children, were the children of students, my third child is the child of college educated professionals. It's almost as if they were raised by two different families. The only thing I would have done differently was to have waited until I had finished college before I started my family. Because it took me almost 10 yrs to finish college, what with having 3 children, taking time off while pregnant, taking care of the babies, and just working at menial jobs to survive.

Answer 7

I don't think it's a good idea to "grow up" with one's children. The parents need to have had a significantly LARGER number of life experiences than their children. The parents also need to be significantly more MATURE than their children.

If these two things don't happen, then the parent ends up being more like a "friend" or "contemporary" of his/her children, rather than their parent and role model. Most women have the same youthful energy in their late 20s as they do in their early 20s, and some still have it into their 30s! So please don't worry that you will be "too old" to go sledding, camping, running around with your kids. :) You won't be until at LEAST in your early 30s, and probably later, depending on your own body.

I'm not saying you ought to wait that long, but please do wait a little longer than age 20. The majority of folks I know of who had kids that early, regretted it. They regretted the fact that all their friends could go on vacations, to dance clubs, bars, movies, parties, etc. whenever they wanted, whereas the young mothers were stuck at home with the babies/children and couldn't do ANY of those things.

Just some thoughts. :) Nothing personal, just my outlook on things, and maybe an outlook you hadn't thought about.

Answer 8

no such age requirement to be ready... i'm 23, my babies' daddy/my boyfriend is 28, my boys are 5 and 2. yes, i was 17 then. 3 yrs ago we know we have to do something better than living with our parents, so i happen to be working in a loan company and all my co-workers were buying houses, and so i did too... with $500 in our acct, the house was ours, not knowing how to pay for it because i was pregnant then w/ my now 2 yr old. currently, i own a second house for investment, drives a new M-benz, 03 expedition and planning on selling our first home and get an equity of $200k. i know, huh, my story is cut short, but we couldnt have done it if i didnt get pregnant and finally started thinking about other people other than myself. having a child will change your life, whether a good way or bad.

Answer 9

There are two way's of looking at this, but you have to choose what one best fits your life. One way is like you said start now so you can grow with them and still beable to play with them!

the other is you being older, that way you can (enjoy it better) Most people that have kids in there 30's say they enjoyed those kids better then the ones at an earler age... eg 17,18,19,ext...... because they are more responsible!!!


I think if you can handle the financial part of having the kid or kids then you can do what ever you want!!

I seen noting wrong with that heck my sister is 24 and has 5 kids
2 boys 3 girls and two of the girls are Twins!!!

So it all depends on you and your husband


I hope you and your hubby come to a good chice, and you can allways just make love and not protect your self and if you are ment to have a baby it will happen .....


Hope you get what you want,
Adam D.

Answer 10

The desire to have a baby doesn't mean that the time is right. Most women want to have babies, but there is no hurry. If you wait until you're 25 you will still be a young mom. I would encourage you to go to school and be married for a few years first. It's important to know that the marriage is stable before bringing children into it. I learned this the hard way and am now a single mom of two beautiful children.

Answer 11

You should grow up before you start having children not with your children. Wait a few more years. I think wait at least until you are over 21. Wait until you are married that helps too. At age 50 I was playing adult soccer and coaching my grandchildren in soccer. People in their 60's still go sledding and play in the snow and ski. If your fiance is 26 I would not worry about it. My dad married at age 27 and had 15 children total. 10 with his first wife.