should i leave my verbally abusive boyfriend?

Question

i have been in a relationship for 3 years with a guy who swears at me and calls me names everyday.we have 2 kids together and i feel trapped my son is only 1 month old and my daughters 2. im thinking about leaving their father but im scared to be a single mother,and i really do love him.i dont want my kids to see him treating me the way he does and think its ok to treat someone you love like that please help.thanx.

Answer 1

I was also afraid to be a single mother, I stayed it didn't get any better. After I did leave I reflected back on many years of my life and found that I was a single mother all along. A man who acts like this is not helping to raise children just making it harder for you to do it. And no matter how hard you try the children do know what is going on and that caused turmoil in their life. Everything in life is easier when you are happier. I hope the next question you ask is where do I turn for help as a single mother. You will get help if you ask. Best of luck to you and your children.

Answer 2

Sweetie, do you really need to ask this question? You of all people should no the answer. Ask yourself this, would you let your daughter be with a man that treated her that way? You would want her to leave her boyfriend or significant other, right? So, the same is said for you.....LEAVE HIM! You shouldn't let a man disrespect you or disgrace you by insulting you. Obviously, since you think it's right to treat someone that way, you must have some low self esteem issues. Don't be scared to be a single mother. There are plenty of single mothers. My mother and father divorced and my mother raised me on her own. Why risk yourself and your kids to stay in an unhappy relationship? That's not healthy at all. Your kids deserve better than that and so do you. Don't raise your children in an environment where when they get older, your son will think it's okay to talk to others that way. If you think it's okay to belittle someone, cuss someone out and name call, and you feel that's love, you obviously didn't get the greatest love. Women should always have a plan, besides depending on a man to support them. Having a family is great, but if you can't support yourself in the long run, you're screwed, and it makes you have to endure the hate in the relationship, and not only is it hurting you, your children have to endure it to, and they deserve better than that. If he's smart, he knows your fears and knows you won't leave because you always depended on him, so he gets the upper hand, but until you are willing to do something and make that decision, your children and you will be unhappy.

Answer 3

You should have left him a long, long, long time ago. Never remain with anyone who abuses you in any way because no one deserves to be mistreated. I'm sure you have friends and family members who would be happy to help you because this is not the image you want your children to witness, or they might someday think this is normal and natural. You are responsible for giving your children the best life possible so get out immediately and don't look back. It sounds like he has become a very bad habit that you are having a hard time breaking, but this kind of habit can become deadly as it can escalate from being verbal abuse into something even worse.

Answer 4

Think about it this way ur kids are watching this behavior and if u stay they will grow up thinking one of two ways this is the way to be or this isn't how they want to be.... why should they have to live that way? Also they may think it's alright to treat you this way if you tolerate it from him why wouldn't you tolerate it from him? Also here is a little food for thought abuse is on the rise in this country every day and more and more u are seeing headlines where a woman and here kids are killed by someone who until that point was just verbally abusive.
That is exteme in thought to you now but could very quickly become a reality. I would leave asap

Answer 5

If you haven't left him, it might help to ask yourself why in heavens name you've stayed with someone who swears at you and calls you names everyday. You're on the right track, but it sounds like you might need some encouragement. A well-adjusted woman who was really looking out for her kids wouldn't put up with this treatment from anyone because it weakens you and puts you all at risk. If it were me? YES, leave him. As soon as you possibly can. Call a battered women's shelter. Tell them he hits you if you feel you have to, it's probably going to happen sooner or later anyway. Call 1-800-799-SAFE. Make a plan. Get your important documents and as much cash as you can away from the house then do the final move when he's going to be out for a while.

He's killing your spirit a little at a time with this treatment. You, and your kids, need better. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think you should leave him while the kids are still little or before he starts talking to them like he does you. Do you not love yourself more? I was a single mom from Nov.2001-Nov.2005 I have three girls. Yes it's hard but not impossible just don't have another baby because the less you have the more affordable it is. People will help you. You dont want to have your children grow up seeing you treated like that. And everyone deserves better no mater who they are. Pray

Answer 7

I would say YES leave him. Verbal abuse is bad enough and may turn in physical abuse. You should never let anyone make you feel like nothing. No one deserves to be treated that way. If he really loved you he would not talk to you like that. But you are the only person who can stop the verbal abuse. You have to get up the nerve to leave him. It won't be easy but your a women and we are strong!! Good luck.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Sometimes the unknown seems just as daunting as the situation you are in, however, in your case you've got to brave the unknown.

Leave him for yourself and your children (especially for your children).

I know that you won't believe this, but you don't really love him--you are concerned about his welfare if you leave and you are used to him.

Please, when you leave, make sure you go someplace very safe (preferably where he can't find you). His temper will flare drastically when you leave and then he'll calm down a bit.

Ask people you respect who the best divorce lawyer is and contact that person before you leave so he/she can help you make a plan that will keep you safe and protected (monetarily and physically).

Good Luck--and Go! Go, girl, go!!!

Answer 9

Honey is that you? Just kidding, but seriously dump the jerk. I don't believe any woman deserves to be treated like crap and vise versa for the men. Love and children don't fix the problem, and if you stay it will never stop. A guy that verbally abuses his woman usually has a problem with himself and uses his girl as the scapegoat afraid to admit he is the problem. You need to just get your kids and go, you staying in that relationship will cause them more harm then good, trust me i am divorced myself from a controlling and possessive woman. Now we get along good, but of course we both have moved on with our life's.

Answer 10

Yes. Even though it will be hard, it is the best thing for your self-esteem and that of your children. If children grow up around abuse, no matter what kind, they tend to live that type of abuse later on in life. Or worse abuse.
Just because you separate from their father, does not mean they have to stop seeing him. Maybe your leaving will be the eye opener he needs to get the help he needs. Don't hold your breathe though.
Good luck.