I'm No Parent...But Wondering About Parents Reactions To This Situation?

Question

Lol, I have no kids (yet), but I love this section! You all have a much more mature outlook on situations!!! I have another question. My friend told me about her bf's sister...let's call her Jane, who has two kids. At 26, Jane's still a very young mother. My friend is working on her teaching degree,&she's observing Jane's children for a project. The problem? Jane's children are enrolled in an after school program that she sent them to. My friend claims she does this so that she doesn't have to deal with them& can be with friends. The children are at school until 5p.m., then come home, have dinner,&after that, begin getting ready to be in bed by 7. This bothers my friend because she hardly has any time to do observing. However, my question is, do you think spending so little time with her during the week could be harmful to the children? Or is this time crunch a common situation among parents with school aged children? The children are 9 and 10 years old.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, it is very common. In my opinion it is extremely important to spend time with your kids. I think this young mother will regret the time she's lost when her kids get to be teenagers.

Answer 2

Let me help you with a real parental problem.

No matter what you do, someone will think you're wrong.

for instance, go into walmart and find the crying 5 year old pissed about not getting a g.i. joe. follow them for a few minutes but not to see what they're doing, but to see peoples reaction. some will whisper "that kid needs a whipping" other still will say " those parents are being too mean"

you are never right as a parent, never.

I have 3 children and I'm 26. I'm a great parent and I send a lot of time with my kids (about 6 hours a day of play time) some say I'm wrong for spending to much time with them. its all a matter of perspective. 7 is way to early in my opinion, but that woman would **** if she knew my kids stayed up until 9:00 everynight.

Answer 3

I know exactly where your coming from. I have a family member that use to do the same with her children only they are a lot younger. 9 and 10 yrs old they know what mommy's doing it will hurt them a lot more than she thinks. I grew up and my parents were hardly ever around to this day it still bothers me. I know my life would have been so much easier and happy if they were around for me more. Since the day my son was born i haven't been a part from him for more than a few hours. I don't understand anyone who will put their children on the back burner for a little bit of fun. It's wrong no matter how old the parent is and the child. There are a lot of parents that have their kids in after school programs because of extra work hours especially for single parents. That's a good reason not because your kids drive you crazy and would rather be with your girls. It sounds to me she needs to get her priorities in order.

Answer 4

I'm not a parent also...yet...lol. But I would say this would give a negative effect on children in many different ways.
First, children aren't shown the amount of love they should be shown in their childhood.
Second, children create a distant relationship with their parents and when time comes where the parents want a strong relationship with them (teen years), children use the fact that they were never given any attention/love when they needed it and so they rebel against their own parents.
Third, those kids may be lead to the wrong path because they are not being looked after.
Fourth, they become accostumed to beingwayyy too 'independant'.
And fifth, the poor children never feel the love of a family and the love of a mother...

Answer 5

I think an after school program a couple of days a week would be okay, but not everyday!
I have put my 4 year old in preschool which a lot of parents don't do because they think they are to young. I did it because I wanted her to have some social skills and know what school was about before she hit kindergarten. But she only goes 2 days a week for 2 1/2 hours.
I think it's horrible when people have children and think of them as objects. If you don't want to be with them, then don't have them! It's no different to me than the people that have their kids and just shove them in day care because they don't want to raise them! I know there are families that have to have both parents working or they wouldn't make it, but that's not what im talking about. My sister in law wanted to get pregnant at 16 so she wouldn't have to go to school and now she wants to work so she can have a "social life". I think her baby should be more important than a social life. Sorry for rambling, but it drives me nuts when parents do these types of things.

Answer 6

1.) In response to this and many of the answers -- the bottom line is you can't judge. You don't know the full situation. As cliche as it sounds, being a parent is the most challenging job in the world because it's physical, mental, and emotional on a level you never even knew existed, so you can't possibly judge someone's actions like this because you have no idea of the situation.

2.) You also have no idea how hurtful it is to be accused of harming your children. In essence, you are making this accusation towards all of us who are away from our children for most of the day. Particularly for working parents, there aren't enough hours in the day. I work full time and so does my husband. My work provides excellent day care on site, I leave no later than 5:30 every day, and I have a short commute...yet I still end up only spending about 2 hrs in the evening with my baby girl and 3 with my son. However, my kids are as happy as can be and NO, I don't think they are being HARMED by my not spending 12 hours a day with them. They are in a safe, loving, active, learning environment while I am at work. And I work because I want to, not because I have to...and I believe my kids are going to grow up just fine.

Answer 7

This situation is common but I don't like it. I have heard of mothers who leave their kids at daycare late so that they can have time to themselves which I think is selfish. Kids need to spend time with their parents otherwise the parents will regret it when the kids are older. By the time the parents see how much they have missed out on, the kids are not gonna wanna spend as much time with the parents because they have their own lives.

Answer 8

I see it happen a lot. It makes me really sad, and I have trouble understanding why parents would want to do that. I have made many many sacrifices to be able to stay home with my son so that I can spend as much time with him as possible. I guess parenting styles all differ, but I always wonder what the point of having kids is, if you don't want to be around them.

Answer 9

Does Jane do this because she has to work late? If not she will probably regret it one day. Unfortunately, so will the children. With that schedule, the school and after school program is raising those children. When do they get love, affection, and praise. Who teaches love, morals, and values to those children? To many children grow up without those things and hopefully develop a coping strategy to make it through to adulthood. Then when they are parents they don't have good nurturing skills either, and it becomes vicious cycle.

Answer 10

I have known a couple of mothers who have done this....and at times I can see the temptation of doing this as I have two boy's myself. But I feel that it is wrong to do this to your children. I understand and support working mothers, but if you do not want to spend more than two hours a day with your children why have them? I think this will effect the children and it doesn't allow them to have much of a parent/child relationship.
Mind you, there are parents out there who need to work and may have to spend small amounts with their children....I do not want to offend...I am referring to the ones who take their children to a "baby sitter" everyday after school so they can enjoy the freedom.

Answer 11

Sadly, it IS common, and these children will either grow up devoid of values, or have a value system very different from their parents.

In my case, I enrolled my son in a day care and head start program that was eighty to ninety per cent black. In rapid order, my white son began speaking in ebonics. I was HORRIFIED!!! I had tried to provide him with culturally rich environment, and he began to turn into gutter trash....at age five! It took a good three years of yelling and screaming to get that garbage out of his diction, and I vowed to never EVER make a mistake like that again.

My experience is indicitive of what can happen in a day care environment. The people that work in such places are paid very poorly, and tend to attract people from the lower rungs of the social ladder. Even a well meaning, conscientious care giver will do little, if anything to elevate the lot of those in their care.

It is the duty of a child's parents to raise it, and the most pressing duty of all is to teach the child, through contact, example and instruction moral and ethical behavior. Day care feeds them and keeps them from physical harm, and that's it. There's one HELL of a lot more to raising a child correctly than what day care provides, and it takes a lot more than an hour or two of parenting a day. Unless one's circumstance dictates that there is absolutely no alternative to day care, the children are being needlessly neglected.