I'm 20, i'm young, pretty, nice body, i'm confident, mature, i make my own money, take care of myself, i'm funny, cute...interested in a lot of different things, and at my age i should be dating A LOT. But i'm not dating at all!! I can't seem to find a decent guy that wants a woman who's looking for a commitment and not just a one night stand. I have a lot to offer, so i don't get it. I NEVER get asked out on dates, men HARDLY approach me, and i definately would not say that i'm intimidating. Do you think i could be giving off some kind of vibe that i'm not aware of? It baffles me. One of my friends at work actually suggested match.com. I'm too young for that ****, i should be able to get dates on my own damnit!
2006-09-29 13:11:40 · 40 answers · asked by jessarose143 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well that's the thing, i'm not interested in people my age for the exact reason someone mentioned. Most of them just want a physical romance. I'm looking for something a bit more involved. I mean i don't want to get married tomorrow or anything, but i definatly should be dating. What gives?
2006-09-29 13:20:21 · update #1
Having all those traits and confidence is a great thing. However, you asked if there is some kind of vibe that you're giving off to push them away. My answer? Yes!
The fact that you look that good, are that pretty and confident AND have that sort of "sour" outlook on guys automatically being lumped into the category of "not a decent guy who's looking for a commitment, just a one night stand" can and will come through in any communications that you have with any guy!
You are a very strong woman with alot to offer and an obvious maturity that may be ahead of some of the guys you come into contact with during the course of a day. That kind of 'backbone', coupled with the pre judging stereo-typing of the guys can send off HUGE vibes of being unapproachable. On top of that you're also a great physical package...that's intimidating enough for guys...would you want to try to approach a guy like that if roles were reversed?
So, my advice would be to remain strong and proud and all that you are...but, try to refrain from advancing the first date all the way through to the stage of "projected future" by even considering the big "C" word. Afterall, we're talking first dates here (the old test drive)!
Instead, consider it for exactly what it is...just one evening, afternoon or night...a few hours of laid back conversation/events/activity with (hopefully) some good company!
Don't start sweating the "match made in heaven" stuff or "our relationship" until you've been on enough dates with the one guy who there is a mutual connection with. Also, try not to even consider the amount of dates you should be going on or how you should be "booked solid" for the next three months in advance. Dating is one of those things that definitely falls under the "quality not quantity" rule. My final suggestions would be to just kick back and relax a little bit more...and, if there is someone who sparks your interest- don't worry about him asking you...try asking him instead. That gives a green light of approachability to any guy who might otherwise be intimidated!
:)
2006-09-29 13:26:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places. Are you active in sports -- that's one great way to meet a guy. Or music? that's another. Hanging out in bars isn't so hot. All that will get you is invites for a one-night stand. Sign up for a night school class. In anything! Get involved in some volunteer work. That's a great way to meet great guys.
You may not think you are intimidating, but just in your posting here, you do come on a little strong. But you probably wouldn't want a wimpy guy anyway, so it may not be a bad thing. If the right guy can get past the initial barrier....
2006-09-29 13:17:41 · answer #2 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ironically, if you are too eager to find a date, or if you act too excited around a guy that you like, then you give off a desperate vibe that is unattractive.
Also, guys do not like to approach a girl who is frowning, or looking upset, since they are afraid that you might be in a bad mood and turn them down.
If you are very pretty, you might seem intimidating to the shy guys anyway. What's wrong with you taking the inititive by walking up to a stranger and starting a conversation? Why do you have to wait for the guys to do it? If you have confidence, as you say, then nothing should be holding you back. Take your destiny in your own hands, and start talking to people instead of waiting for them to come to you!
What's wrong with on-line dating, btw? Too proud?
2006-09-29 13:26:01 · answer #3 · answered by Randy G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Problem for the ages. Many guys out there feeling the same way. Be brave. Start a couple conversations at the book store, gym, etc. Just for a quick chat...for practice...keep in your mind it is not meant to find you a date. But after enough of these innocent little starter conversations, you might find yourself being confident enough...talking with the right guy...that you will end up at dinner.
Good luck. FYI...31 yr American male here in Singapore...~smile~
Non-smoker, loves try new foods...hahaha, but probably a little old for you! Good luck!
2006-09-29 13:17:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well where are you going to look for men?? that makes a big difference. If you are doing the nightclub scene alot of men their are looking for one nighters. perhaps you should give match.com a try, besides a mature 20 year old woman should go with a older man 10-15 yrs older.. Older men treat you better and most have gone through that midlife crisis so many men go through..
And i find older men are less apt to cheat on you..
good luck sweety
2006-09-29 13:27:13 · answer #5 · answered by sissybombay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your obviously not looking for commitment because of the way you said it. You will rarely find a hot mature 20 year old that wants to settle down at the moment.Live it up girl! Your 20! Go have fun, just dont expect anything and before you know it...youll find that special someone!
2006-09-29 13:15:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i was having the same problem at one time, you may not think your intimidating but you may come off that way to men, what i started doing is if i see a gentleman that i think is interesting I'll make the first move, some man are scared to approach a woman that have so much confident they always think you probably have a man ALREADY
2006-09-29 13:24:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lighten up and have fun.Enjoy life, include activities with other men and women. Be interested in men, thats what makes a woman attractive. You have proven to yourself you are capable, now allow yourself to be found. You maybe too focused on the process, focus on the benefit of a solid relationship. Create your "King" in your life while the "Queen" manages the future.
2006-09-29 13:22:37 · answer #8 · answered by mikey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may have unknowingly answerd ur own question"do you think Im giving off some kind of vibe I'm unaware of?"
Perhaps you are,but only you can truly know,you must take a good look at yourself to really know the answer.
2006-09-29 13:16:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you don't come across as too full of yourself? I mean that in a nice way. When you meet someone new, be very interested in them and forget about yourself. Maybe your personality needs a tune-up. These are just suggestions since I don't know what you are like at all.
2006-09-29 13:18:28 · answer #10 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋