3 years ago, when i got married, my friend gave me $500 as a wedding gift. i was shocked to receive such a generous gift. i thought of her as a close friend but not one of my best friends (sorry this is sounding a bit teenager-ish!) anyway, since then things have changed. we've seen each other maybe 3-5 times in the last 2-3 years and have talked only a handful of times. now she's getting married this sat and i'm wondering if i should give her the same amount even though our relationship has changed. what is the proper thing to do here? $500 is a lot to give to someone who is basically no longer in your life. i am feeling like this is a debt i need to pay. keep in mind that she didn't even invite me to her 'private close friends and family only ceremony'. i am only invited to the reception.
thanks and hope to hear some wise opinions.
2006-09-29 12:58:21 · 12 answers · asked by enroute_bc 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
No, you are not obligated to give it back. Why not try to find out where she is registered and buy her something she says she wants or needs. Then you can kill two birds with one stone.
But, to tell you the truth, if I was only invited to the reception I wouldn't buy her a damn thing. People that don't invite others to their wedding but to their reception are only trying to get more gifts.
2006-09-29 16:59:13 · answer #1 · answered by debbiethornberry007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutly not! It's not a tit for tat situation. Your friend was very generous and I can see why you might feel the way you do. That if you didn't give the same back that you would be seen as some type of cheapo. First of all we all live by budgets (or should) and you give what you can afford. Secondly why should you give this person more money then another friend that is getting married. You are a guest to this persons wedding there is no entrance fee that must be paid or debt owed. The persons gift was unusally large but perhaps that is what they wanted to give. Don't feel as though you owe this person $500 back. If you do feel this way then you actually owe this person more money then the $500.....it should really then be $500 plus the interest this person could have received had they put it in a bank. Come On!
I have a family friend that at Christmas time gives me a very generous gift. I really can not compete with these types of gifts. I don't buy gifts in the same dollar value as this person. My situation is not the same as this persons. Also people have different priorities with their money. Just because your friend wanted to give $500 to you for a wedding gift does that mean that your priorities with money need to be the same? I don't think so.
2006-09-30 05:51:32 · answer #2 · answered by Violet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it might seem the right thing to do in regards to a gift, but in reality, a gift is a gift- and you dont have to give the same for her. I say go with what is on her registry and leave it at that. If you are feeling guilty, maybe give her $100, but by no means are you required to give her $500.
A person who invites someone to a wedding isnt requesting you give them anything in particular, therefore you can give what she wants.
Dont feel bad. Now if she were a close friend- i would give her something similar.
2006-09-29 13:07:58 · answer #3 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly hope your friend gave the gift freely, and not to make you indebted to her forever. If that is the case, give the amount you feel you can afford and wish her the best. If you are uncomfortable with not giving the same amount, how about a beautiful crystal vase or something else that will remind her of your good wishes. No one needs to know the price and you will still have a gift full of good wishes, not obligations, to give her.
2006-09-29 13:08:33 · answer #4 · answered by swarr2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you give gifts you should give based on how well you know the person, the occassion (wedding, birthday, graduation), and what you can afford. Add all these things up and it will be easy to decide what to give. If you feel as though she may be expecting you to return the $500 then she a petty person and you should not go to her wedding anyway. Give from your heart and you will have a clear conscious!
2006-09-29 13:30:46 · answer #5 · answered by Charlee's Mama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is fair to reciprocate the same. Unfortunately - she got married first and set the bar high. But she gave freely - not knowing if and when you would ever marry. Maybe it will re-kindle the friendship. Otherwise - write a note and acknowledge that how generous she was in the past and why you do not feel you should reciprocate.
2006-09-30 06:54:57 · answer #6 · answered by Jackie P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well obviously you want to but can't afford to. You can only give what you can afford. If you feel the money must be equalled out so why not buy a gift instead and re balance the scales.
2006-09-29 13:08:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the propper amount is $100 per person- if you were still close friends I would say more but you were not included in the "close friend" activities. A gift is a gift.
2006-10-03 09:11:45 · answer #8 · answered by dirtbike mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give her a nice amount like 150-200 if you can afford it just because how generous she was to you. Only give 500 if you truly want to but if you cant she will probably just think you cant afford it.
2006-09-29 13:19:59 · answer #9 · answered by Shonreaq G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this situation, it might be best to get them a gift, not money, then they won't know how much you paid.
2006-09-29 16:23:05 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋