Self-harming relapse?

Question

I'm 17 and in college.

When I was in high school, I had a moderate problem with self-harm but never received any professional help for it. I once tried to talk to my mum about it, but she said I was just attention-seeking and to solve my own problems. It culminated about a year ago with me slashing myself across the face with a needle, leaving a still-visible scar on my cheek. I told my parents I’d fallen on a pair of scissors, and while they must have both doubted it, neither of them said anything.

I got with a guy 6 months ago, and we went out until yesterday, when we broke up once and for all. A few weeks back I scrammed him on the arm because he did something I really wasn't okay with (no explanation needed) and he told me he'd spent hours picking at the wound to make it bleed so he could remember me. It just brought back all my own memories, and about a week ago I found myself harming myself minorly on the forearm, again with a needle.

Now I think about it all time and since we broke up, I just keep thinking I could really go off on one and it wouldn’t matter because there would be no-one to hide the scars from. Even when I’m not stressed I think of doing it. In fact, right now I’m having a really good day and I’ve had an amazing evening, watched a movie with a friend, did some shopping, had a great day in college etc and yet I’m still dying to do it. What’s wrong with me? I really thought I’d managed to fix this problem, how can I prevent a serious relapse?

Answer 1

First, stay away from this guy because you don't need that kind of influence in your life. There will be so many great guys at college and beyond, so let this one go.

Obviously you have a lot of pain inside, the cause of which only you can know or discover. I think the first thing you might want to focus on is allowing yourself to feel that pain and not try and replace it with physical pain. Also know that you are allowed to feel pain and just because there aren't scars doesn't mean it doesn't hurt you. You don't need to make scars to prove to the world that you are hurting. And your mother was wrong, you aren't just trying to get attention.

You have a lot of emotional energy that you could use for constructive purposes, rather than destructive purposes. Try something creative and new - try a bunch of things and see what fits you. Right now, the reaction to the pain you are feeling is only hurting yourself more (I know you know that), and basically you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I'm not sure if this would help, but while you are finding other ways to cope, perhaps you could try drawing on yourself with a red pen. It sounds stupid, but I actually know that for some people that helps. It's worth a shot, at least.

If you really are having a hard time, talk to your school counselor. That's what they are there for, and you can get a great deal because you are a student. The stresses of adapting to a new life and schedule can bring out negative coping tactics, and they can, at the very least, help you talk out what is going on in your mind and help you realize exactly what it is that is hurting you.

Answer 2

A good short term fix would be to get as busy as you can. Pick up a new hobby, find a new place to go. Join a sports team, get active.Also, (if this is at all possiable) get rid of anything you could use. That means needles, razors, broken glass,knives, whatever sets you off.
The best thing to do would be talk to someone who won't judge you for it. If they'll listen, and won't tell you to "get over yourslef" or that your just seeking attention, talk to them. Trust me, saying it out loud will help.
Think to youself that by harming yourself, you also harm those who care about you. Think about how you would feel if someone you loved was hurting themselves. No matter how much they say its under controal, you would still worry. Having been both the harmer and the harmee, I know both ends of the story.
Set small goals for youself. Say "I will not harm myself for ___" MAKE SURE ITS REASONABLE. This could mean anything for a few hours to a few weeks, depending on the person. Tell your trusted friend or write it down.
Find a release. Write storys, peoms,draw,play an instrument,ect. Iisten to some music. (make sure its not something that would set off any self harming feelings) Scream alittle. If your not an artistic person, go out for a walk or a run. (Excersise makes you feel better all around, so that a double bonus)) Don't kill yourself, just get out. If it makes you feel better AND it's something thats good for you, do it.
Know yourself. Know what sets you off, or when you'll have an "attack". Learn the early warning signs, and heed them. Find something else to do.
Get professional help. Self mutilation is NOT something to play around with. A theripist can help you in ways that even the best of friends cannot (and visa versa). A theripist can help you get to the bottom of your feelings.Its their job to help you, and most do that job very well.Find someone you comfortable with. Do it. The results will amaze you. Remember that you will never see the theripist outside of therapy.Medication can also help, but its not allways the magicial answer.
Above all, do what works for you. Play around with solutions. Its not the end of the world unless you let it become so.

Remember that there is no such thing as "minorly" hurting yourself.

Answer 3

Sometimes destructive thought patterns don't 'just go away'. Like any memory they can linger in your mind and re-surface when the conditions are right. This doesn't mean you're getting worse necessarily, but it certainly does mean you have to keep resisting it. This is how many alcoholics face their addiction: just one day at a time.

Yes, you could hurt yourself and no one might notice for a while. But YOU would notice. Although it may seem like it, you never really can 'get away' with things like this... the only authority you're really responsible to is yourself. The best reason not to do it is because you deserve better.

Allow me to make another suggestion to you. Just as there may be nobody to notice an injury, there's probably also nobody to stop you if you want to talk to someone about it this time. Most colleges have counselors that you can see for free or on the cheap, and they're used to talking to people in your situation. One of them might be able to provide a lot of insight and good suggestions, or even just listen to you for a while. Give it a try. There's no one to stop you, and nobody even has to know if you're embarrassed.

You don't have to do this, and from what you say I don't think you want to. Do something about it. Even if you don't succeed, you will never regret trying to help yourself!

Answer 4

I am a self-harmer myself. I started when I was 13 years old..and I'd been at it for several years. I'd told my parents about it...after about a year and a half of hiding it from them, and I sought medical help.

All you can do, is just resist the urge. I know the cravings are unbearable, but that's the only thing you CAN do.

Instead of harming yourself, you can snap a rubber band or a hair tie across yourself for several minutes. It brings the same effect (almost).

That's the only thing I can tell you, for I still do it too.

You just have to be patient, and have faith that you will be able to stop.

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

I've done it before! and I too still think about it sometimes (like now since reading your message) I remember what it felt like. most people will never get why people do those things and how it can even feel good but when i look at the scar on my arm and i think how i would feel if the person i loved the most was hurting themselves and it kills me even just to think of it and i think of why it would bother me so much if it were her but i think its ok for me and i see that its really unhealthy and scary and it can grow into other things that can be even more harmfull not to mention get in the way of your future plans i would say go to someone for help but no one can really help you with this bc no one will understand you have to find the things that matter most to you and hold onto them as a reason not to do these things bc it can hurt your chance of keeping those things in your life i mean they can legally take you from your dorm room and lock you up for this stuff and they can keep you in a hospital for a long time trust me it doesnt just happen on tv you may think your just "minorly" hurting yourself by your really risking your future here there are a lot of things that we want to do in life bc we like how it makes us feel but its better in the long if we dont try to think or it like that like its a drug that you know will feel good but you know its killing brain cells i dont really know if this helps or not but i just try to have some will power and i dont give in to my desire

Answer 6

Have you ever tried helping someone worse off than you? Sometimes seeing someone who legitimately has it worse than you can be enough to wake you up from the obsession. My daughters friend stopped after she started following her mother around with her volunteering efforts, reading to kids in the hospital, preparing and delivering meals to needy families etc.

Answer 7

have you ever been sexually molested? i only ask because self-harming is a key by-product of having been molested.
what's important is that you get yourself to see a psychiatrist ASAP. this is a serious illness you're trying to treat yourself. as with all emotional problems, you need help. that's where a psychiatrist will be beneficial. he/she can counsel you and prescribe medication(s) that can help you to cope with/ovrcome this horrific illness.
PLEASE follow my advice. eventually, you'll be gald you did!

Answer 8

Many colleges have a counselor that you can see. I would suggest stopping by for a visit.

Good luck.

Answer 9

you really need proffesional help girl ....
there are many "other"things to do to distract your self.