I lost my mom to cancer 3mo ago. I feel numb. I only cry when I talk about her death. am I abnormal?

Question

I took sole care of her for 13 yrs due to several other healthproblems, and cancer was the last only being discovered 3wks before her death. I promised her i would be with her until the very end. I kept my promise and was with her at the moment of her death, I remember the gurgling sounds she was making and can see her gazing at the ceiling as I held her. I had to be strong for her. I was expected to be strong for everyone. I could see the fear in her eyes and I told her it was time for her to go be with the Lord and her eyes came down and looked into mine, rolled back up and she was gone. I cannot get this image out of my mind and I feel so numb now. I don't find any joy in anything, I feel as if I'm dead inside. How long do most people grieve?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry (((hugs))). The grieving process takes a long time, and it happens in stages. You're perfectly normal, and you're going to be ok, it will just take time.

Answer 2

I also lost my best friend to a rare disease called huntington carea. I stayed in the hospital with her for 3 days and was there also when she took her last breath, it has been 3 years since and I still think about her. I think for you, especially if you two were really close it's going to take some time to go through the grieving process. I think it's very important to be around people that can talk you through this. I go to church and I have a lot of support from people and from God. I don't know where you are at as far as that goes, but every time I am in need and am hurting I turn to him for Support , and love. I think that is the best place to be. I would strongly recomend just reaching out to him because that's the only one that call fill that hole you have in your heart, allow him to work in your life. I will be praying for you it doesn't matter that I don't know your name God can see you and he knows how much your hurting. I know what it's like to have to hold up everyone else when you are screaming inside, but you deserve to be weak once in a while. Just allow yourself that time to grieve thier isn't really a right or wrong amount of time to grieve it just depends on you. Here is a book that may help
Mourning Journey: Spiritual Guidance for Facing Grief, Death and Loss Author Dennis Young
It's about $14.00

Answer 3

3 months is still early in the greeving stage, though I have not lost a parent I've watched my mother (an my aunts and uncles) grieve her fathers death. He died when I was 16, and I'm now almost 25 and she still has some grief, however she has learned to cope with it. I lost a great friend due to murder when he was 18. I still grieve (his murder happened in 2001).

It's not you fault. You have to remember this. It's all a natural thing of life. Grief is a natural thing too. Don't think down about the situation, remember the good times. It may make you cry, yes, but the tears help. They will help you heal, and don't rush the healing process. You can't expect it to be gone tomorrow. This was your mom. She won't be angry at you for your grief, she will be happy that you miss her. If you didn't grieve, then that would be something to worry about. You are doing what is natural. *hugs* It will get easier, trust me. As long as you remember her, she will be with you.

Answer 4

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer two and a half years ago. It's an unbelievably painful thing. The images of your mom, like I have of my mom's last day, will never leave your mind. You're just beginning the grieving process. Everyone grieves in their own way and it varies on how long it lasts. The pain will never completely go away but in time it gets better. The numbness is a coping mechanism. I'm bawling my eyes out now so I won't be able to type much more. Just surround yourself with people who love and support you and try to go on with your life. It's what your mom would want you to do.

Answer 5

No your not abnormal. The grieving process varies from one person to the other. It sounds like you did all you could and more. Time will lessen the pain but there will be many things along the way that will trigger memories; luckily most will be fond memories of the good times you spent together. She is around you now and you can talk to her as if she is in the room. If the grieving process is causing you to not be able to work or not take care of your hygiene then see a doctor. If this is not the case then take in a deep breath and drive on; we will all join our loved ones in due time. Enjoy life as much as possible. Every day is a gift from God. Good luck

Answer 6

My husband lost his little brother tragically and that was three years ago...the feeling of loss will always be there but take copmfort and be proud that you were with her until the very end. I'm sure your mom deeply appreciated everything you did for her through unspoken words. It may help you if you plant a tree or make a donation in her memory or if you are religious have a mass said in her name. Perhaps a "picture charm necklace may be comforting as well. If you don't have anyone you can confide in maybe a grief cousellor may help as well. Believe it or not they do wonders. I know when I need "help" from above I pray to my grandfather and I say if you hear me give me a sign and then something strage will happen and I know he is watching me. You have to take things slow and gradually work your way back into everyday life...eventually days will become easier and pictures and memories of time shared will bring smiles instead of tears. Good luck...I give you a lot of credit because you endured something that a lot of people cn not...be strong and good luck! If you ever need to talk email me!

Answer 7

I am sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently. There is no set time limit. It is normal to replay the death of a loved one over and over. Don't let others make you think you're "abnormal". It takes time for the pain to lessen but in my opinion it never goes away. 3 months is a very short time. My husband died in my arms 17 months ago, I miss him every day and still sometimes have the visions of removing him from lifesupport. It's good to share your memories with others, the more I talked about it the better I came to deal with the sadness and loss.. Celebrate her life, not her death..

Answer 8

You are very normal. I lost my mom to cancer almost 10 yrs ago and I still miss her very much. There is no time line for grief and don't ever let someone tell you to get over it and move on. Being a care giver is one of the hardest jobs around. The images get better with time but never completely go away.

Life goes on.......you just have to figure out a way to go on with it!

Answer 9

Grieving can be long and complicated. You sound as if you are still in shock and that depression is setting in on top of regular grief. A licensed therapist trained in grief counseling would most likely be of great benefit. A professional like that could provide a safe place to share your pain, assist you in coping positively, and also give constructive feedback on the degree your grief is turning into the physically debilitating condition called depression. Take care of yourself. Life does jump start again and you deserve to be amoung the active living.

Answer 10

Mom's are so very important in our lives. She was with you at the beginning of your life, and you were with her at the end of hers. You should be comforted knowing that as you held her in your arms she passed away. She was in the safest place of all before she died.

You must know is that she is in a better place now, and you will be with her once again.

3 months is not a very long time to grieve at all, because you took care of her for so long, the care giving was a daily part of your life.

You will know when it is time for you to "live" again for yourself. You will always have your Mom close to you, because you are made from half of her.

I certainly hope you find some peace.

Answer 11

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel, and it's completely normal. My mother was ill for ten years, needing my brother, my sister and I to care for her every need. It was exhausting and I always thought it would be a relief when her time came. But when she passed, a little over a year ago, I fell into a depression that took many months to crawl out of. Please take care of yourself while you're feeling this way, don't let yourself get run down. Just take things one day at a time, and eventually you'll begin to see each day gets a little easier. Hang in there, I'm with you.