How can you tell if what you're feeling is love, lust, or infatuation? What's the difference between them? I'm dating someone and I'm so confused. (I don't have much experience in this area, obviously.) How do you know if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
2006-09-29 11:48:44 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I want to commend you on a rare question asked by those who feel they are in love. You are a thinker. Good for you. Choices are tough when your heart is all in a whirl. That is why so many, many choices are made that seem good now, but turn out to be so bad that they can even go so far as to ruin a life. Remember this: You can be involved with the wrong man and miss the man that fits you oh so well.
We all come with foibles and we find that some people fit us better than others. In a marriage partner you want the person that fits you the best. People who find these kind of spouses refer to them as soul mates. The vast majority of marriages are between people who don't fit well at all. Thus there are miseries, unfaithfulnesses, divorces. Naturally, you want to avoid being part of that statistic. To do that you will need self-control, understanding and hope.
Self control: A man came to me and told me he was committing adultery and wanted to stop. He was single, but the woman was married. He told me that when they were together and she put her hands on him he couldn't stop himself. I told him of course he had no self-control. Almost no man has the ability to turn away from a willing woman with available body. I told him the place where his self-control had a chance was in his own apartment away from the woman. I told him there was where he could make the correct choice. It wouldn't be easy but it could be done. Do not make yourself available to a hormonal boy. He will not be able to stop.
Understanding: Needs drive two people to get together. In a real way, not that they realize this, but they are exploiting one another in order to meet those needs. This is not love. It is confused with love. A needy person getting his needs met will "feel" love toward the other person for the moment. Once the need is well fulfilled and not pressing, then the "feeling" of love disappears. This is where one partner feels betrayed and rejected. Happens all the time. Real love takes time to develop. Acquaintance, friendship, close friendship, affection, concern for the welfare of the other person. Enjoy being with other person without intimacy being a factor. This takes time. Getting to this point is rare with most partners. Then desires for commitment to each other develops. Marriage is the ultimate commitment. Then two trusted individuals who truly love one another become intimate. I am yours and you are mine. You are my destiny, etc. Too many people jump into bed with each other and then wake up and find they really don't like each other. There is a movement of individuals so tired of the revolving door relationships that they started the Secondary Virginity Movement. They renounce their old promiscuous ways and purpose to refrain from sex until they find the one they want to live with for the rest of their lives.
Hope: Goodness comes to those who wait. In today's culture everything is NOW. We don't care about the consequences, we want it now. We have no capacity to wait. Yet to find that special person does take time. The secret is to go on with life and pursue your goals, and let it all happen. Only two complete individuals can make a good marriage. Two needy people do not make a good marriage because they are expecting the other partner to always meet their needs. When they don't, it is goodbye. Two whole persons are secure in their maturity, and actually care and love their partner.
Infatuation is the introduction to the book. It is not the book. Lust is every young males middle name. They don't love; they lust. As long as a woman is available, they are there with flowers, gifts and the whole smear. Why pay for the cow when the milk is free, is the spirit of lust and exploitation.
Choices all have consequences -- some good and some bad. Make good choices. Good luck.
2006-09-29 12:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by pshdsa 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Love takes time to grow and when you love someone you can put up with some of their **** and bad habits. Lust the sex is good or sexual attraction is there but after that you don't really have anything else to offer one another. Infatuation you are interested in the idea and your own image of what this person might be, but then you find out they are nothing like you imagined and you become disgusted. Infatutation can turn to lust and after that if you have other things in common it can blossom into Love :D
2016-03-18 02:49:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The difference is the ending... Love is forever Lust is needing infatuation is wanting
2006-09-29 11:53:48 · answer #3 · answered by dragonfly 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My first response to this question would be:
infatuation = by having you around me I feel good. (Remember the line from "When Harry Met Sally," "I don't miss her, but I miss the idea of her." My guess is that's infatuation.)
lust = I find myself sexually attracted to you
love = I want you to be happy no matter what
Note that the first two focus on yourself and love focuses on the other person. Love is giving yourself away, it is self-sacrificing.
Another set of three divisions to keep in mind are the three words for love in Greek:
Eros - sexual love (This is the word from which we get "erotic".)
Philos - friendship love. Also known as "brotherly love or sisterly affection." ("Phila-delphia" is the city of "brotherly love")
Agape - self-sacrificing love. In the Bible, this is the word used to describe God's love for us.
Remember that the lines between these divisions are often blurred (which is probably why you are feeling confused right now). These are conceptual categories that are helpful in sorting things out. In experience, though, I would hope that a relationship with someone else would have all three - agape, philos, and eros.
2006-09-29 12:01:47 · answer #4 · answered by Eastern US Guy 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
LUST
~You wanna be intimate with them. (Kissing, hugging, touching...)
INFATUATION
~You can't stop thinking about them, it feels like you might be in love. It's definetly not as strong as love.
LOVE
~You know this person like the back of your hand and you like this person so much more than anyone else you ever have. You want them to be in your life now and in the future. You can see yourself with them. You are comfortable with them. It doesn't matter how long it takes...could be weeks or months..depends on the person. But, you'll seriously know when it's love. Don't you hate hearing that???? You will. It's instinct.
2006-09-29 11:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by Rachael 3 · 9⤊ 2⤋
there isn't any difference. Don't let these people fool to you, words cant describe how you feel about someone. only you can understand how you feel. levels of feelings don't apply, you cant love somebody alot or a little, you either do or you don't. however there are two different types of love. one being with a sibling or a pet, in which there isn't any lust or infatuation at least i hope not. And the other with lets say your bf, where there will be lust and infatuation. that is until you get married. anyway that's my opinion, laters.
2006-09-29 14:43:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 5⤋
lust is the desire to have that person
mainly their body. no interest in their personality or their company mainly sexual in nature. causes teen pregnancies and the like.
infatuation or puppy love is ussually what is refered to as love at first sight. ussualy based on looks. and maybe the social charm of that person. most relationships start from this. it is characterised by the desire to be near that person and to get to know them and their personality. is what starts most marriages.
love is only developed after knowing someone for quite some time. it is based on the person's personality, how they treat you in private and in public, how they treat others when you are around and when you are gone, how much they respect you, ...ETC. this ussually starts growing after the honeymoon and sometimes before marriage. if it exists in a relationship it will prevent a divorce or breakup if strong enough.
2006-09-29 12:02:52 · answer #7 · answered by Kuraimizu 3 · 10⤊ 1⤋
Love is a profound feeling of tender affection for or intense attraction to another. It is considered a deep, ineffable feeling shared in passionate or intimate interpersonal relationships. However, in different contexts, the word love has a variety of related but distinct meanings: in addition to romantic love, which is characterized by a mix of emotional and sexual desire.
Lust is any intense desire or craving, usually sexual. As a sexual term, lust implies a sexual desire in and of itself, an erotic arousal and wish, or intense physical or sexual attraction or craving.
Infatuation is a term that implies only a brief duration, such as "having a crush" .
2006-09-29 11:53:58 · answer #8 · answered by devildollbaby 6 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Lust is when your hormones are working overtime, infatuation is when you think someone is hot and love is when you want to spent the rest of your life with someone!
2006-09-29 11:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by Gerry 7 · 8⤊ 1⤋
Well Dear.............love and lust are two very valuable parts in any relationship. I'm still in love with Mr Mills after all these years and he still has plenty of lust (but not much energy).
Flatulence is something entirely different altogether!
Regards
Dorothy Mills (Mrs)
2006-09-29 11:52:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋