I am a single mom of 4 boys, and I am having some problems with my 8 year old with aggression and acting out ?

Question

I received a note home from school today that my 8 year old son along with 2 of his friends pushed a boy down to the groud and cut his hand with a rock! This behaviour is not like my son. he sid the other boy started it,and he was just trying to make them all quit, but this is not what the teacher note said, so not sure what to believe. I have been having a few agression problems out of my son, and well my question is what approaches will help to correct this behaviour? All of my boys are involved in sports and other school activities they are lacking a "male" figure in the picture, so I have to wonder if this makes a difference or not. Just looking for some advice. Thanks.

Answer 1

It could be a lot of things. Your son may be hanging out with peers who are encouraging each other to be more aggressive. Please note that I am not blaming the other boys over your son, your son is responsible for his own actions, but sometimes two perfectly lovely children will act like heathens when they get togather.

Your son could just be going through a phase of experimenting with what happens when he acts a certain way. Or, as you said, he's lacking a male figure.

Without knowing all the details I'd try to handle it this way. Short term--Your son must write a note of apology to the other boy. And he must receive a meaningful consquence such as loss of privilages of watching t.v., going to play outside, etc. it may be necessary to tell your son that if he continues to get into trouble when he hangs out with these other friends then he will not be able to spend his free time with them. And follow up on that by talking with his teacher.

Long-term--is there a male coach on one of your son's sports teams that he looks up to? Perhaps that man could speak with your son about how to handle aggressive instincts or suggest ways in which your son could learn more self-control and discipline.

If the aggression continues to be frequent and in your opionion serious, then I would consult with a professional. There may be something else going on with your son that he is reluctant to talk about.

But, above all, remember that sometimes boys have a tendency to be more physically aggressive and we just need to handle it as calmly and firmly as possible. I'm glad he's in sports because that's a great way for him to exercise and compete in a good way.

Answer 2

I really believe that boys get to a certain age where not having a father becomes more of an issue.8 sounds about right. Up until then it is pretty much all about mom. At school or socially many or some of their buddies either have intact families or see their father regularly.

Boys NEED a male role model. Are there any adult men in your life (and I don't mean boyfriends...) like uncle, grandpa, family friend that can help you? You need to sit down with your son and talk with him about what he is lacking. Boys tend to act out agressively when they are upset about something in their life. Big Brother is supposed to be a good organization.

Answer 3

Being a single parent is hard and worring about such things is just stressful to you. Her is what I suggest. Talk to your son. I mean really talk to him and ask questions. I know that sounds dumb and your saying i talk to him. But get down to his level alone and think how a 8 year old boy thinks. Take all the grown up out and just talk. You will be suprised at what you find out. I had the same problem with my son after his dad left for a job out of state. When I sat down and talked to him and explained to him what was happening and why is a 6 yr old frame of mind things got better. Then you have to look at the situation at the school and ask what really is going on there. Is this a reaction to the friends that he has made at school and are these boys friends you want influencing your son.

I got called to school one day (kindergarden year) because my son *beat up* another kid. that was all I got from the school. when I got to school and asked I got this story that Devin was just wailing on this kid for no reason at all the kid was innocent. They never asked questions just assumed. Well my son had a very handicapped child in his class that he took to. (the boy have severe MS and was in a motorized wheelchair) Well this older boy my son was wailing on was hitting and trying to knock the chair over on the playground. My son tried to tell the teacher but talking to the other teacher was more important so my child took things into his own hands. Needless to say the school got a ration from me and I believed my son.

But I would seriously talk to your child and see what is wrong.

Good luck

Answer 4

Please don't underestimate the need for a father figure to a young boy...in your case 4 young boys. The need to bond with a male figure is probably the biggest reason young boys "act-up". The best thing you can do is get him so help first by seeking counsel ling from a professional, the second thing is to find some male in your family sphere to come over once in a while and at least take him to any of a multitude of male bonding activities weather it just be hanging out shooting baskets, a little catch the ball or maybe a stroll by the waterfront to watch the late afternoon fishermen hanging out and maybe even catch a fish himself. Kids tend to open up in these situations as simple as they may be to you and me. BUTT real male bonding is what's actually happening...an older responsible person is what kids really need to know. This older and wiser person is someone he can really ask the tough questions and get answer from. All the kid wants to know is how do I keep myself out of trouble, what is it that makes up a real man etc. etc.

Answer 5

Every boy want a dad and yes a male influence will help. Try a big brother program. He just may need some more attention than the other. He is eight his body is going to be changing soon so his testosterone may be playing a part in this, but you just need to sit with him and have an honest talk with him to see what he is thinking and what he thinks needs to change, just you don't do the talking let him talk and you listen and then you two can come together to see if you both can come up with a solution to his problems.

Answer 6

well boys have some aggression anyway but i would listen 2 your son and keep monitoring because if more incidents keep happening then he is have issues then u need to talk 2 him.. Spend some one on one time with him. Im a teacher and i observe other teachers and i believe that somtimes they onl.y see one side. I doubt they picked up a rock and said lets cut it. come on!!!! it probably got cut when they pushed him. and they probably were all playing and the other kid probably did start it. thats what happens teachers need 2 c the whole incident not one side.

Answer 7

Boys without a male figure in their life tend to look at other males (young/old) for guildance and support. This is not to say that your skills as a parent are lacking. This is just a fact of life.

How the other males to which your son has attached himself tend to deal with situations is how your son is going to learn that this way is the best way to deal.

In order to combat and address the attachment your son has made with these boys, you need to spend more time with him. You state that you have four children and as a single parent it is hard to find the time to give each child the attention that they need and deserve. Spend quality seperate time with your son. If you can, get the other children to bed half hour early so that your son is able to speak to you about what is bothering him.

His signs of anger and agression and acting out are classic signs of attention seeking and not being able to speak over problems in his life. It seems so silly but 8 year olds have problems too...

Children don't NEED a male figure in their lives... they just simply need to understand how important it is that they are there to help their mum and not to make things harder for her. Tell him how proud you are of the various things he has achieved and that you want and need that to continue.

I hope this helps...

Answer 8

Of course, not having a father makes a huge difference. Boys need strong role models and discipline. I know myself, I was in the same situation as your son. Thank God I found a different path than the one I was on at 17...or I would be dead or behind bars.

You said "......but this is not what the teacher note said, so not sure what to believe". The correct action to take is to call the teacher, verify the facts and punish your son accordingly.

Stop taking your son's side and even allowing that he "may" have been wrongly accused, and let him know that this is your policy from now on.

He was there, a boy was attacked, assaulted and injured, HE GETS PUNISHED, end of story. That's the way the real world works, fair or not, and he needs to know it.

Excuse me for being harsh.....let me tell you life in prison is harsh, a few punishments for hanging out with the wrong crowd is cake.

Read this, it's very, very good.


"Fathers linked to healthy families"
From Patriot Post Vol. 06 No. 24; Published 16 June 2006
Mark Alexander

"...the truth -- and it is a hard truth for men who have abandoned their families, but a harder truth for their children: According to (US government statistics) the 30 percent of children who live apart from their fathers will account for 63 percent of teen suicides, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 71 percent of high-school dropouts, 75 percent of children in chemical-abuse centers, 80 percent of rapists, 85 percent of youths in prison, and 85 percent of children who exhibit behavioral disorders. In addition, 90 percent of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. In fact, children born to unwed mothers are 10 times more likely to live in poverty as children with fathers in the home."

PLEASE, take 10 minutes and READ THE REST OF THIS ESSAY!!!

It may not have all the answers for you about your sons but at least you will know the questions.

Answer 9

God bless you first of all, i am a mother of three boys, and one daughter, and i have a husband which is their father, but at times i feel like a single mom, because he is always working. Let this first fight slide, if it happens again then punishment is a must, but i actually believe kids should stick up for themselves and it sounds like you dont know all the details. Please dont blame yourself for this behavior its a boy thing, you are doing fine and sound like a great mom. boys are tough to raise. Just keep resuring him that fighting isnt the answer, but all in all kids will be kids, remember that, and silly things will happen, which we shouldnt analize everything that does happen., they are kids, fights happen, giggles happens, etc.....
jean

Answer 10

if you are worried that a "male" will help try boys/girls clubs they sponsor young children with older adults to help guide them. if not get him involved in sport like karate to help with discipline.