I am getting married & my fiance wants to dedicate a song to me AND his daughter (she's 17) at our dance. I really don't like the idea. I feel since this is my special day (never been married) Shouldn't he dedicate a song to me expressing his feelings for me? I am also dedicating a song to him & to him only! I told him he could dedicate a song to her AFTER my song is played but he wants to include her in my song. I don't mean to sound selfish bcuz I love my soon to be stepdaughter but I have dreamt about this day since I was a little girl! What do you think?
2006-09-29 11:17:26 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
it's YOUR wedding day and it is meant to celebrate you love for each other, it's not "celebrate our love for our entire family day." obviously you want to celebrate with your friends and family and they are all being a part of the wonderful day by celebrating with you, however a better time for your fiance to celebrate his love for his daughter is maybe on her birthday or something like that. It is actually sort of rude to expect you and the daughter to share a special song on a day that is meant to celebrate the love you have for each other. I am sure he doesn't mean it in this way, so maybe if you just explained how you feel it would help. bottom line...the daughter will one day have her own wedding and will have a special song and dance with her dad, I am sure she would not appreciate you cutting in and dancing to that song with them. Good Luck!
2006-09-29 11:26:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your wedding is your special day. I'm sure that the daughter will not be so upset if her father does not dedicate a song to her at the same time as your song. You need to explain to your future husband that this is a special day for just the two of you, and that you have the rest of your lives to be a family. He needs to understand that when the time comes for his daughters wedding she wont be dedicating a song to her husband and father at the same time. I'm sure he just doesn't want her to be left out, so you have to approach him in a way where he wont think you are just being selfish. It is a very delicate situation.
2006-09-29 18:24:38 · answer #2 · answered by xina 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree that he should have separate songs for both of you. I think she'd feel cheated as well that he's not giving her a special moment at the ceremony. Plus, you should definitely have a song that's just "yours" at your wedding. That's part of the tradition! So, I think that you should talk to him about it and say that you don't want to seem ungrateful or selfish, but that you've been dreaming about this day for as long as you can remember and you would really like a song that comes straight from his heart to yours, with no detours and that he should consider dedicating one song to you that means something special to you guys and then do one for his daughter that means something to them. He should understand! If he doesn't, then I don't know what to say. Hopefully he'll listen! Good luck and congratulations on your impending wedding!
2006-09-29 19:17:46 · answer #3 · answered by ms. teacher ft 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is completely wrong. The first song should be dedicated to you because you are the "star" of the hour. It is your wedding and you time to be the center of attention. He may dedicate his second song to his daughter, but the first song is all yours.
Maybe he is trying to keep his daughter from feeling like she is losing him, but he is wrong about the song. There are other ways to make the girl feel better. He needs to realize that you are taking a major role in his life and you deserve your own song.
2006-09-29 18:21:20 · answer #4 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is your day. She'll have her day when she gets married and I doubt she'd want someone else taking her spotlight on her day. There are plenty of other ways to include the daughter and let her be the star for a while but the wedding is not that time. Is he doing the song dedication because he loves you both or is it because he wants everyone to see that he loves you both? If it is because he loves you he should honor your wishes or there's no point in doing it. If it is because he wants everyone to see he loves you and to oooh and aaaaah at how wonderful he is then he is doing it for himself and for show and he might as well just not do it at all.
2006-09-29 18:32:02 · answer #5 · answered by twistedmouse 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I totally agree with you! It's 100% FINE for him to want to include her and it would be nice for the two of you to dedicate a song to her together or something, but there's just something odd about him insisting that the first song be for BOTH of you. This isn't her wedding. And she might not even want to be a that intimately connected to it. It's not easy to be 17 in the first place and then all this change - she might be happier just watching from the sidelines. The LAST thing you need is a crying/angry/sad/dramatic teenager. (I'm not saying she doesn't like you - it's just probably a lot for her to handle.)
2006-09-29 18:57:38 · answer #6 · answered by raquel122203 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with Arnold M 100%! If your explain your feelings to your fiance & he continues to be stead fast in his dicision, I would give this relationship serious reconsideration. He seems to be on a power trip if he sticks with his dicision. There is no easy way around this. This is your day. Let there be no mistake. Especially since it's your first marriage and he's already had that experience with his first wife. Why did they split up? Of course if he does reconsider then he does truly care and love you. You should always be first on his list and he on yours. This should be the case even after the two of you have your own children.
Go to him civily and explain how hurt you are and that it has nothing to do with his daughter. I wish you well. Hope it works out.
2006-09-29 22:41:14 · answer #7 · answered by ursaitaliano70 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Put yourself in his daughter's shoes.
I think it is selfish, but I'm not trying to be mean by saying that. She might be feeling left out and ignored. She may feel she is losing her father now.
The whole day really is about you, so maybe this one moment can be a moment of unity between the three of you.
Raising a stink about this might well put a kink in your relationship with her, and subsequently with him.
I would express to him your concerns, but don't protest too much. It's a happy time! Remember, you're inheriting a daughter along with a husband.
2006-09-29 18:29:31 · answer #8 · answered by littlepurpledragon77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're being selfish at all. Especially since you shared with him your emotions, and have no problem with him dedicating a song to her later on. It is a special day for all of you, but it is primarily yours and his. Could he not find a song JUST for YOU?
Congratulations, MOM,=) and keep the communication lines open! It'll help the marriage for sure.
2006-09-29 18:23:41 · answer #9 · answered by shellbugger 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you, your wedding day is your day. I think you should speak to your fiance about this problem and discuss maybe dedicating something special to his daughter from both of you. (after you have done your special dedications to each other).
2006-09-29 18:22:53 · answer #10 · answered by albertagirl53 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋