What's the best way to halp my friend?

Question

She has been really unhappy and has had low self confidence for sometime. About a year ago I found out she had been self harming and she has attempted suicide a couple of times.
Since then she has been talking to a councillor and I was under the impression that the self harming had stopped, but I have recently found out that she still gets angry and hurts herself sometimes.
She is a bit more comfortable talking to me now, which I think is good, but she often tells me that she is having dark thoughts and that she doesn't want to 'be here' anymore. This scares me, but I think she is telling me because she wants help, the only thing is, I don't know what I can do.
I would really appreciate any advice, thanks.

Hi, I just want to thank everybody for their help. I was a bit late for talking; she attempted again, but I convinced her to go to hospital. I just hope she will be okay :s
Any way, like I said, I really appreciate everyones advice but I can't handle picking a best answer so I'm putting it to vote
xx

Answer 1

Encourage her to go see a doctor, tell her you will go with her and even speak on her behalf. She could write the doctor a letter even - just hand it to him when she gets to the appointment.

Also, there's plenty of help available to you as a friend of a self harmer, they will be able to give you advice on how to deal with it. Do a google search on self harm advice or something, then this should lead you to help pages. I dont know where you are based so dont know what links i could send u.

Good on you for supporting her - she's lucky to have a friend like you, but please make sure she gets some help soon.

Answer 2

I have been where you friend has been & I want to tell you how lucky she is to have you as a friend.

The first thing is to just be there and listen to her. When she does talk don't be judge her but help her know and understand she isn't alone. A lot of people have these feelings.

Self harming is also common. I was doing cutting & worse things on myself back in the early 1990's. A lot of people don't understand how someone could hurt themselves like that. To help you get a picture of what your friend is feeling I would suggest you think of a finger nail that has been slammed in a door. It swells up and the only way a doctor can fix it is to drill a hole in the nail to relese the pressure. This is how your friend feels a times. They only way she can get the pain out is by hurting herself.

Maybe you can get involed in some activity with your friend. How about doing a service of some kind so she can help others. This will help her feel better about herself. Maybe working in a soup kitchen, delivering meals to shut ins or something like this. This will help raise her self worth.

Maybe you could get her a kitten or a puppy or even a dog/cat from the pound for her to care for.

I am now married with a wonderful dear husband & 3 children. Taking care of them helps my self confidence rise when I see that they need me and love me.

I don't know if your friend has a relgion but I am a Christian and knowing how much God loves me helps me too. I listen to a Christian radio station and being in God's word really helps me when I feel down.

I hope this helps and your friend is so lucky to have a friend who cares for her.

Answer 3

She needs to see a psychiatrist, Tom Cruise may not believe in Psychiatrist but the truth is they help people everyday that are depressed and suicidal. The fact that she told you that she doesn't want to be here anymore is a red flag that she is thinking of suicide. You could ask her straight out by saying "Are you thinking of harming yourself" If she says yes ask her if she has a plan and what that plan is. Most females say they want to take a bunch of pills and never wake up. Most males say they want to shoot or hang themselves. That is why males are more successful at committing suicide. Look for warning signs, withdrawling socially, not taking care of themselves, talking about suicide. Another thing to remember is that when someone who is suicidal is doing well it could be the worst time because they have more energy and thought process to commit the act. I would recommend that you take your friend into an emergency room and they will consult with a behavior specialist or a psychiatrist. Hope it all turns well.

Answer 4

Ive been there myself and there is no quick fix unfortunately just b there when she wants to talk don't push her and don't judge her don't let her see that the thought of self harm scares u cause she'll hide it from u even more tell her to keep on with the councillor though good luck to u both

Answer 5

Self harming can be scary but often it is used as a way of coping and often brings release to the self harmer. if your friend needs to self harm it best that she does it in a safe manner. some people find holding an ice cube helpful as holding it in your hand gives a similar feeling to self harming. i think you are doing what you should by being there and listening but it is important that the responsibility for your friend is hers and not yours. support and listen and go and see a GP who will be able to sign post to appropriate services.

Answer 6

She maybe needs more than a councillor, has she seen her doctor?
Sounds like you are a good friend, could you persuade her to see her doctor or to tell her councillor she's still self harming? It's a lot to take on alone, she needs professional help with this.

Answer 7

Many times somebody just needs a friend to talk to. Her being honest with her counselor is something she needs to do. You keep being her friend and know this If she does take her life there is nothing you could have done to stop her. It does sound as if she is crying out for help and you are there for her, but the best way to help her is by having her talk as openly with her counselor as she is with you. If she would like and you are willing both of you can meet with her counselor so you can be there for moral support. You are being a great friend just being there for her, but be careful of yourself too if things do not work out.

Answer 8

I have a brother who constantly talks about not wanting to be here anymore - he also attempted suicide a few months ago. He sees a psychiatrist and lives in a care flat but his mental health never seems to change. All you and I can do for those we love who are so ill is to be there for them, encouraging them when we can and constantly reassuring them that we are here for them. Good on you for being such a good friend but watch your own health too, it's so easy to be brought down ourselves when we feel so useless. You are doing all you can to help her, you really are, and she's very lucky to have a friend like you. Good luck to both of you!

Answer 9

Let her know you are always there for her, how much you think of her. Always compliment her, boost her confidence. And tell her how much what she does scares you and that youre scared she might do something and you couldnt bear to lose her. My best friend killed herself when we were 18, and I wish I had seen the warning signs, as i'll always wonder if there was something I couldve done. Good luck x

Answer 10

you are in an impossible situation and i don't mean that in a bad way....it is to much for you to cope with alone...it is good that she has you and that she can talk to you but if it is in anyway possible try and get her to open up to someone who you both trust this will ease the pressure on both sides, for sooner or later she will believe she burdens u with her problems and that will knock her back... is her mum around, may be if you all sit down together and bring it out into the open it will be easier to deal with...