Are you sick of hearing this?

Question

I keep hearing (from my kids' grandparents) things like. Well, that's how we did it when you were little and you turned out just fine. Don't they realize that the year is 2006 and technology and research in child developement has come a long way. I feel if I feel it is best for my 1 year old to not eat peanut butter then he shouldn't eat it. I don't see why they feel they have to convince me otherwise. My response always is " I may have turned out fine but a lot of children didn't (with allergies and such) I am not taking the chance with my child." Why do they get so offended if I don't take their advise? This is just one example. I could go on all day with some of the things they think I am "suppose" to do.

Brenda B... This isn't a formula vs breastfeeding debate.

Answer 1

I think it's for the same reason people love coming to Yahoo Answers and offering their pearls of wisdom....we like to feel like we know something and like we have something to offer!

Answer 2

I did get sick of hearing it (esp. from my mother-in-law--she was the worst!). Eventually I sat down and started thinking of all the advice she and my mom gave me and actually tried some of the things they told me, and you know what--they were right. Both of my boys were horribly colicky and when my first son was a month or so old, my MIL babysat one night. We were totally by the book with him--back sleeping, no blankets in the crib, etc. I got home and he was not only on his stomach, but had a blanket over him! I was IRATE, to say the least. You know what though--from that point on he was a much calmer baby, lying on his tummy (with his knees under him, pushing into his stomach), he was warmer (blanket) and he started going to sleep easier. He was sleeping through the night at 3 months old.

My mom would drive me nuts, too, only her thing was giving the baby small "tastes" of stuff they were NOT supposed to have. When my second son was about two months old, my mom flew in to visit for a weekend. She made an apple crisp (loads of butter and sugar) and I caught her trying to give him some. A 2 month old colicky baby. NO!!! I let her have it. She gave me the "You and your bro. and sis. turned out OK, and I used to do this with you!" Needless to say, I very quickly reminded her that we all had weight problems as children and into early adulthood. She hasn't done it since.

My boys are older now (2 1/2 years and 15 months) and so I don't get this much advice anymore, but oh--it DID annoy the heck out of me sometimes, believe me! Try to keep in mind that they only mean well, and they're grandparents--they want to spoil their grandkids and don't think doing this or feeding them that once or twice will harm them. I asked my MIL one day (when I was especially pissy--I think I was PMSing, lol--if HER MIL did/said these kinds of things when she was raising HER kids. She said, "Of course she did!" and I asked, "And just exactly how did that make YOU feel?" She thought a minute and said, "Point taken..." It stopped after that. :) Just remind your parents and his parents that while you do appreciate their advice, things have changed in the last 20 or 30 years, and you are doing what you think is best for YOUR CHILDREN.

Answer 3

Yep i'm so sick of hearing this. It's not only our parents who say this though. In my breastfeeding formula debates, the formula feeders are always saying, "i was ff and i'm just fine" or my kid is formula fed and he's just fine. I for one was formula fed and did not turn out fine..i had a heck of a time weaning from a bottle and have had lots of digestive and dental problems that would've been avoided if I were breastfed. Back then things were different..I wish some women this day and age would get with it and stop living in the past

Answer 4

at the end of the day YOU are the one with the legal and moral rights in what you lay down for your child

your parents are going to have to learn to take a back seat in this if they want to continue in a grandparenting role

it pays to be very firm with them because if you are not firm now it will be far harder later on when your child is more aware of what is being said (and more willing to play one off against the other)

i would bet my bottom dollar that your parents once they realise you are definite about certian things will back off because they will be reassured that you are more confident about your own parenting and hence need less help than they thought (which is a good think no?)

Answer 5

I agree with you, I have had alot of people come up to me in the grocery store and say a bunch of stuff about how I should raise my daughter. I am her parent not them. I do what I feel is in the best interest for her. I have done well so far and I appreciate people trying to help, but DO NOT tell me how I should do stuff, or tell me what you did unless I ask. There is already so much we have to worry, times have changed and food and the hormones in foods have changed. My doctor even told me that. It is your turn to be the parent you do what you feel is the best for your children. Just because it was OK for us does not make it OK for our children.

Answer 6

That is just how parents are. When they tell you stuff, just say,well I'm doing what I think is best, just as you did what you thought was best for us.And if things are working out then say we're getting by just fine.Try to rise above the "advice" as they will continue.When they insist upon things try to compromise between your idea and theirs. Sometimes mothers ideas aren't bad, just they are not what we want. So if it doesn't matter which way to do it, try compromising.

Answer 7

Lord, yes. What u have to worry about is what they do behind ur back. My mom was feeding my son poached eggs when he was 4 months old (not supposed to do that till a year old). I didn't know. She watched him while I worked.

Answer 8

Some people take it as a criticism of them if you do things differently than they. All the people that come up to me and give their reasons for not homeschooling - I'm thinking - who asked you? All the people who try to justify abandoning their infants and toddlers to day care try to explain it to me - I'm like - explain it to your kid, it's them you are failing, not me.

Answer 9

I hear that from my parents and in laws all the time. And you're right, they way the take offense to not taking thier advice is so irritating!! You're not alone!! I'm totally sick of it!!

Answer 10

Yes. That is so annoying but there isn't much youcna do other than say - Yeah its amazing I am alive.