Should he be expected to be a good provider? Even if it means leaving his comfort zone and making major changes?? Am I being too demanding to expect him to be able to provide for the family without my having to work outside the home and leave the kids in daycare? I have four kids and a baby on the way and right now I work - but I want him to try to get a better job so I can be at home to take care of the kids. Not to mention the cost of putting them all in daycare!!!!
Honestly....what do you think???
Moms, Dads.....am I being too demanding??
2006-09-29 10:18:19 · 10 answers · asked by mommyblue 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think being a stay at home mom is the best thing. It's the way it should be. I don't think it would be good to try and "force" your husband to find a higher paying job. You should support him as he searches for one but to stress him out with demands and nagging wouldn't be good or healthy for your relationship. You need to figure this out together and walk through it with patience together.
You do have 4 kids and 1 on the way. You have a large family. If extra income is required then I don't see why you shouldn't do your part. Obviously, you thought it was ok to have such a large family. So now you are responsible to care for them.
I hate seeing people with large families that can't support their kids. Why have a bunch of kids if you can't feed or clothe them? Now, I'm not saying that is you but you have to care for your kids. You brought them into this world and you must take care of them. Both of you! :)
2006-09-29 10:29:30 · answer #1 · answered by Jasmine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a good father requires unconditional love of his family and wanting what is best for everyone, including mommy. Everyone's situation is different. The amount of money he makes does not gauge how well he is providing.
Does he spend quality time with you and the kids when he has the choice? Does he make decisions based on how it will effect the family as a whole, or just on what it will do for him?
Does he laugh with all of you? Does he take responsibility of hte daily routines of parenting?
These are the types of things that make a good father/parent....NOT how much money he is making. Trading a job that allows him to spend time with you for one that just puts more money in the bank may not really be what you're after. If the major changes you want for him means putting him in a situation where he is not happy and eventually resents the choice you pushed him into...maybe you are being too demanding. I speak from experience. More money isn't always the answer.
If you are going to be paying daycare for 5 kids, the gas to get to and from work, the clothing for work, etc etc etc; then maybe it would be more cost effective for you to stay home anyway, regardless of what he does with his job. I made the choice to stay home with my 3 kids when I added up the cost of working versus what my bring-home pay was each week. The amount of money I was left with just wasn't worth the milestones I was missing with my kids. The emotional cost was too high compared to the dollars I barely saw. Our family of 5 lives off a mechanic's salary....and some days that means PB&J's or soup for dinner...
Staying home with the kids means more sacrificing for both parents...and really pinching pennies some weeks. But if you're really serious about it, you can make it work.
Being a good father has nothing to do with money. Putting it all on his shoulders will only put a strain on your marriage.
Hope I can help!
Good luck!
2006-09-29 17:42:52 · answer #2 · answered by eyerishiz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are. It takes two to have five babies, and sweetheart, 50% of this responsibility is yours. So, step up to the plate, and carry your load.
Being a good father has nothing to do with how much money a man brings home. If you are demanding that he make major changes and get out of a comfort zone, then you may as well brace for him to take off, leaving you ALONE with five kids.
You need to look in the mirror and figure out how you can create a partnership--and remember the phrase, "Fair isn't always equal."
Why don't you ask your husband what his opinion, dreams and wants are???
2006-09-29 17:28:56 · answer #3 · answered by knowitall 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Proud mom well said, man its about time I here a woman, talk more about a father being there for the kids than just money. As for your question mommy blue.....I was in in the same problem when I was married......I needed my wives help for a while and asked her if she could work and she refused. Even got offended....I just wanted her to work until the job I was waiting for would call me. I did have my mother to watch my daughter. After that argument things went down hill and we divorced. I now get my daughter every weekend because my x goes out all the time, anyways support your man the best that you can that's what a marriage is all about.....
2006-09-29 17:36:10 · answer #4 · answered by Hammer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never use daycare unless it's a last resort! Too many germs & the people there don't care about your kids a fraction as much as you do.
Being a good father has nothing at all to do with how much money a man makes, but rather how much time he spends with his kids, if he's there for them.
2006-09-29 17:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have 5 kids and still stay home with them i was very fortunate because my husband and i both felt it was better for me to be home with the kids,you are not to demanding but in this day and age if he cant find a better job you will have to work without making him feel guilty
2006-09-29 17:30:25 · answer #6 · answered by san_ann68 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
over demanding, yeah just a little! he should work and provide it's his duty! but if it's to expensive to stay home with them like you want to then maybe you should quit having so many!!
2006-09-29 17:23:31 · answer #7 · answered by *~BETHY~* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your kids' needs before your own and be conscious of the ethical/moral example you are setting for them.
2006-09-29 18:39:06 · answer #8 · answered by TarKettle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not being selfish and in whatever decision thinking about his children annd their future.
Being friendly and spending time with them
2006-09-29 17:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by Mr Business 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you have to ask, it's already to late.
2006-09-29 17:27:56 · answer #10 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋