My sisters wedding, and she doesn't want me there...?

Question

OKay here goes...
My sister is getting married tomorrow and asked origonally I be there. WE have history: my parents kicked me out when I was 17, and my sister never forgave me for the reason they kicked me out. (I reported my mother for abuse). Beyond any questions to that please..That was in 1993. Yep you read it, 13 years ago. My sisiter told my mom she wanted me there, then because my sister didn't tell her inlaws she had a sister, my dad said I couldn't go. I would go in disguise, but I don't even know where it is. But then again, if she hates me so much...she also wanted to meet my kids who are ten and six. But I said unless she is willing to buld something with me, that she would absolutly not meet them. My brother the big leech and drug addict also feels this way about me. He was even more cruel. WE talked for a few months and after I bought him a cell phone, he wrote me off. Do I have a right to want to see her get married? Or should I do as they have and forget they exist 2!

You wanted to know what more there is to why she doesn't want me around or in her life? Try a mother who brainwashed her, same with my brother. Though they are old enough to decide for themselves how to act, they chose not to. My mom was abusive towards my brother and me, not my sister and thats why she hates me. She felt I was wrong. I have talked to her once, back in 2000. I said I was sorry and asked for a chance. She said yes even but then like my brother decided not to. I am depriving them becuase my family is messed up and my kids don't need to be around someone who hates their own mother. I would never ask my children to endure what my siblings and parents have put me through. I was always the throw away kid. My parents and I talk now, but my siblings refuse to accept it. My mother won't fess up tp her wrong doings cause she has alchohol issues. She is different. I don't let her keep my kids alone, but she sees them. My father? I wish he'd grow up too! Money doesn't buy family.

Oh yea on the subject of DNA>>>
I am adopted and so are my brother and sister. So we share no blood. The water is thicker in this family than the blood!@

Answer 1

As much as you have a need for family in your life it sounds to me like you need to wash your hands of all of them. You have to ask yourself is it really worth having them in my life if they are going to treat me this way. You deserve to be treated with respect everyone does, and letting negative people into your life to built up the negativity even more isn't healthy. I am sorry and good luck.

Answer 2

Plan the wedding that you want. Yeah, there will be some elements that are the same. But there will be many elements that will be different. Also...think of your guest list. Out of the 100 guests, only a dozen or so will be relatives from your side of the family. So for the other 88 guests, they will not be comparing your wedding to your sister's wedding. I hate to break it to you, but most of the guests will not remember what your sister's theme or your theme were. They will pretty much just remember that they went to a wedding, that the bride looked beautiful, that there was a cake, and the food was passable. And many guests expect that siblings will have their reception in the same venue. Unless you are wearing the exact same dress as your sister, the fact that both are made out of lace is irrelevant. The dresses can be wildly different from each other even though both have lace.

Answer 3

Sorry, other than your children and spouse, you have no rights regarding any other person, including your estranged sister. Also, this is her event, for her, so if she has asked you not to come, then you should give her a little respect and let her live her life like she wants. Certainly there are going to be problems though if she'd never told her fiance she had a sister, and here you are. A big honesty problem already in this forthcoming marriage. Sounds like you two both want to possibly reconcile, but certainly at this point, and with the wedding, this is not the time. She needs to grow up some more, and you probably do also.

Answer 4

I'm sure were only hearing one side of the story, there has to be a huge reason why your sister hasn't seen your 10 & 6 year old and is still upset with you for something that happened 13 yrs ago, and let's not forget she doesn't like you so much that she didn't even tell her inlaws she had a sister. That tells me there is more to this story. If she doesn't want you there just respect her wishes. Plus she asked to see your children not you don't deprive them of someone else in their life that could show them some love.

Answer 5

That's a tough one. Morally speaking, you do have a right to want to see your sister get married. Under these circumstances, my thoughts are that you shouldn't go if your sister doesn't want you there. Forget about what your parents or brother want. Somewhere down the line, hopefully, things will mend with at least some members of your family. Let nature take it's own course and don't force yourself into their lives. If you did the right thing 13 years ago, you have nothing to be sorry for. Let them come to you. Don't go to them, but perhaps you can send a congrats card and maybe say a few sincere somewhat personal words in there, but you don't and shouldn't have to go over the past. That was a long time ago and it seems your family has a difficult time letting go of grudges and finding forgiveness, with you and with themselves. If your family members contact you and try to go over the past, just tell them the past is the past and there is no way to change it and then you change the subject, and if they continue to hash it out, just tell them you have things to do right now. That's a tough one, but it's not your problem that they have a difficult time letting go of the past, it's theirs, so please don't feel guilty. Think hard and listen to your gut as to how you should deal with your family.

Answer 6

First you said that your sister wanted you at the wedding. Then she doesn't tell her in-laws that she has a sister, and your father says you can't go. Did your sister tell your father to say this? Or was this his own idea?
If you can find out where the service is I'd just go to the church service and skip the reception. I'd show up with your kids in no disguise and just smile politely. And then I'd head for home.
A church is a public place and anyone can go. If your nervous or scarred you can DUCK out the back early.
And by going your showing that you still care about your family. Family relationships are hard and I wish you the best! Just remember if you do go and you don't like what your feeling or seeing just leave early.

Answer 7

If you were given an invitation to the wedding GO. However go alone or just with your husband/BF DO NOT bring your kids! You dont need to expose your children ever to them.
I would go as her sister, not in disguise! Make sure everyone at that wedding knows you are her sister, especially her inlaws. And casually tell the inlaws why they havent heard of you before.
Dress up well and bring a nice gift. Let them all see that you are the best person from that family.

Answer 8

problems between families are never easily solved. I have no real answers for you but not having heard the others side of things and only using your information, I would say just wait and perhaps as time goes on things will improve. The whole thing sounds so odd, not telling her in laws that she had a sister, I don't know but I do wish you well. Concentrate on the kids and let the world there go by.

Answer 9

You do have a right to want to see her get married but if she has said your coming would create some problem for her, then I would not go, let her have her day the way she wants it. After the wedding you have time to patch things up if you want to. I think you should let her meet your children without putting any demands or expectations of what the relationship will eventually be. You have to start somewhere and even if she promised more it would still be no guarantee. She probably doesn't hate you, you said she originally wanted you to go.Good luck and be blessed.

Answer 10

If you really want to form a relationship with your sister, only you can make that decision.... If you want to get to know your sister again, you will have to give her time... also your sister will need to tell her in laws that she has a sister.. but that might come after time, once you two have established some form of relationship.

Unfortunately, you cannot force the issue with your sister.... If she is not receptive to start with, just keep trying .... every now and again.

What went on is between you and your parents, not you and your sister, so maybe you could start with a letter to your sister saying you want to the chance to be a sister to her etc.

Maybe your side of the story, so she has facts from your perspective....

This is a difficult one, without knowing the full story...

Good luck

Answer 11

This is very sad...I don't see how going to her wedding is going to make you guys OK again.I say don't go,and you are right not letting the kids meet her...you are protecting them from a dysfunctional relationship,who knows what she would say to them if she is still mad at you.As for you brother...well you said it,he's on drugs,he can't even love himself...don't worry about that one until he helps himself and gets help to get off the drugs(a cell phone won't help him).To answer your question...yes you have the right to attend YOUR sisters wedding,but the question is should you? I have two brothers and a sister I didn't meet until I was 30 so my close friends have been my family,its not always the blood that makes you family its LOVE. I hope everything works out for you. ☺