How can I get my wife to chill out on the baby subject (see details)?

Question

She is 22 years old, we have been married for 1 year, and she will not accept that I am not yet ready for her to get pregnant..

PLUS she still has 2 years before she finishes her college.

Please someone this is an everyday thing, we have talked and talked till I was blue in the face... any suggestions??

Look at this post of hers that I just stumbled on http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aqk6GzjTM5uSfkC5DnN_bfrsy6IX?qid=20060928155032AAwUPaH

BTW aside from this our marriage is great!

I actually tried the puppy thing, after we had been married about 6 months I decided to give it a try, she loves the puppy, but it didnt do the trick.

Answer 1

Did she have any younger siblings as a child? Does your wife truly understand how much WORK a child is and how it can change a relationship in very many different ways? If she is serious about college, having a baby would be foolish, unless you two are wealthy and can afford nannies. A baby is a 7-day a week, 24-hour a day JOB. A puppy is not. You can't put a baby outside if it starts to bother you, or leave it at home alone while you go out. And babies aren't all cuddles and kisses, especially that first year when you start to wonder if you ever get to be an actual human being again. How about getting one of those dolls they use in the schools that mimic a real baby? Or, do you know anyone with small children that you could 'borrow'?

Kids, particularly babies, require A LOT of time, energy, and Money! If she plans to work, plan on At least $15K per year Just for the child's expenses (day care, clothes, diapers, bath stuff, food, bottles, formula, toys, furniture.....). It's not fair to the child to bring them into the world if you cannot provide that.

So, explain this all to your wife and develop a Plan. Tell her you want 3-years, enough time for her to finish college and get established in her chosen field. This will ensure that she has the best shot at fulfilling her own dreams instead of having them totally sidetracked by motherhood. She may think, oh I can do that later, but the real world doesn't work that way. It will be very difficult to get an entry level job with the demands of an infant at home (even if they don't tell you this is why you are not getting hired) if she even manages to finish college. Does she really want to end up resenting her own child for keeping her from doing all the things she has dreamed of all these years?

With a year for her to get her career started, she will be in a position to know and be known at her company. If she does good work, she will have a lot of leverage to get a flexible schedule when the baby is young. She will also be qualified after one year of employment for 3-months of family leave (some companies offer this with pay, most do not, but it guarantees her time off to spend with baby without losing her job). Your job might qualify you for family leave as well if you interested, some people I know will do the leaves consecutively so baby can stay out of day care for the first 6-months. She should also have at least 2-weeks of paid vacation as well as paid sick days to take if she has been there 1-year or more. Plus she will have other benefits, including health insurance.

Tell her once she graduates and gets a job, stays in that job and seems happy with it for 6-months, you guys can start seriously trying. This is the fairest solution to you, her, and the baby. Baby will be happier & healthier if you are both established yourselves and better able to financially provide for the child. Then start a savings account (the baby fund) right away to prove you are serious. Your wife might consider volunteering at the hospital or a local charity that works woth children to get her 'fix' in the meantime. You should plan plenty of quality time together too because lots will change once kids come along.

Answer 2

Geez, my husband is the same way. I tell him to get off his butt and get to work. He still hasn't done a lick of work around the house, and he's still not home from the mill. I need him to make a proper meal for me and the kids, and do the laundry....it's piling up again!! I'm tired of him bellyaching about his sore back all the time. I can't get out of this easy chair when I've got all these soap operas to watch. He tells me he has no time, but I know he takes smoke breaks now and then cause I can smell the smoke on his neck when he greets me with a kiss at the end of the day. Doesn't he love me anymore?

Answer 3

I agree about counseling. A baby is a huge deal, and both partners should be ready. It is selfish for one to harass the other into making this decision. Your wife needs to finish college. There is so much to learn in those two years, and so many benefits to finishing. Being financially stable is one of those benefits. I say career first, baby second. There is a lot of growing up that happens from 22 to 24/25. Good luck.

Answer 4

I just read and left a message on her post. I will generally repeat you both are soo young, still newly married and should just enjoy each other for a few more years before you start a family. Did you 2 not discuss a time frame to start a family BEFORE you got married? I wish you both well and I do hope she waits until she finishes school. If you have kids before she finishes school....it may take years before she goes back....IF she goes back at all. G'luck

Answer 5

flachik is right...this is beyond yahoo answers...yall need some couples counseling. nature has weird ways of working, i feel like being a mommy too, its something that i really want but i wouldnt try to make my husband (which i dont have yet and im 22) want to...thats something that both of yall have to be ready for. just be nice about it no matter what, bc all women reach a point where they just want to feel a baby growing in them, and they feel the need to be called mommy...be compassionate and sensative, i completely see ur point of view. good luck! :o)

Answer 6

I actually had a friend go through this and I told her to buy a puppy. It worked, it gave her something to love and care about and it also was a reminder of if a dog is this hard... image a kid!!
I would surprise her with a puppy to burn off some of that motherly instant!
It worked for me too :)

Answer 7

Sounds like some serious problems, pal. The two of you must work it out........not people on Yahoo. Perhaps some marriage counseling.