Why do parents tell their kids to stop doing this or that or that policeman over there will arrest you?

Question

Im a police officer, and when I'm in uniform I hear this all the time. Parents should encourage their kids to speak with us and trust us, not be afraid of us.

I know what some of you are going to respond with (Police can't be trusted) and if thats your opnion of all law enforcement, then my guess is your parents told you the same thing when you were a chid.

We are there to help, serve, and protect. So why would you want to buid a distrust in police officers from that early of an age? If your child was lost or hurt would you not want them to feel safe with letting an officer help?

Great answers from all. After reading some of them I have discovered another problem with this kind of behavior from parents other than the kids learning to fear the police.

If the parent threatens the child with the police arresting them and they do not stop their behavior, then what? The bluff has been called. When they do not go to jail they lose all respect for the officers doing their job and may lead to them thinking they can get away with more serious crimes on down the line.

Answer 1

I agree with you 100%. Many parents do tell their children this. When I was working in a daycare center, I actually had a toddler who was screaming and crying because there was an officer there. He had stopped by to pick up his child, and he was still in uniform. The child that was in my care was terrified because she hadn't done anything wrong, and she thought she was "going to be taken from her mommy and daddy." That really is the wrong thing to say to one.

Answer 2

I think it is terrible too. I am Armenians, and Armenian parents, even though they mean well, have very bad parenting skills as a whole. Any time their children misbehave, they have a tendency to say, "You need to stop, or the Police are going to come after you." It really does put a negative image of the Police Department in their head from an early age.

I live in the Los Angeles area, and as far as Police Officers go, I think that we need to put some checks and balances into place because some officers get away with murder, which is why a majority of the time there is a negative connotation placed on your profession. I lived in New York for a while, and the way Police Officers behave there made me proud. That is what Poilce Officers should really be like...helpful, trustworthy, and honest. I am sure you are doing your duty well, so keep up the good work!

Answer 3

As a preschool teacher, I hear this all the time too when out in public, and I want to tell the parent the same thing! You want them to be able to go to a police officer for help! Parents who have lost control of their children and want to scare them by threatening them with the fear of police, are not doing anyone any good. If I were you, I'd feel like telling the parent who is saying that within your earshot, "I usually don't take children who don't behave, but I do take parents who lie!" Ha, ha. You just have to have humor of the situation, and know that there are parents and teachers out there who are teaching their children (and the children in their care) that policepeople are out there to help them. I know in lower income areas, it is often that the children live with the fear of police because their family members have been taken away for one infraction or another, and that fear is situational and a part of their daily lives. I know the media can also portray policemen in a bad light (when it suits their purpose), but the far greater majority of police are doing the job they were sworn to do. So, thank you for serving and protecting, and I will continue to pass on my message of trust in the law enforcement to the children I teach, as well as my own.

Answer 4

Some parents make even worse statements than that, and start children being afraid of and disrespecting Police very early. Here's an example.

I met a friend for lunch awhile back. He was on-duty at the time and in uniform. While we were eating, a little girl (about 5 or 6 years old) was walking through the restaurant with her father. She stopped at the table and said, "Are you a real Police Officer?" My friend smiled at her and said, "That's right!" Her father grabbed her and pulled her away. He said to her, "Don't talk to him, he'll shoot you!" She began to cry and I wanted to punch him in the face. I bet that little girl will be afraid of Police for a long time. I can only imagine what people like that say to their children about the Police in private, if that's what they say in public.
I guess I was lucky that my father was a military man, and a strict one at that. His discipline was plenty. He never threatened us with getting arrested, only taught us to respect and listen to the Police.

Answer 5

As a child growing up my parents had threatened me a few times that they were going to have to police take me away to their station when i misbehaved. One time they even had me pack my bags and sit on the couch to wait. I was terrified! Ironically I have learned to enjoy learning about the law...and went off and got a paralegal associates, but plan on going back to study criminal justice.
Now that I have children I do not tell them that the police will come and get them. I do tell them that the police will come to them if they do something illegal....but it is wrong for parents to do this because they will end up fearing the police...I did before I learned that my parents lied to me. The police are who the children are suppose to go to if they are in trouble...they are always told if they are lost to look for the man in uniform. There have been police out there who have done wrong, or let their position go to their heads.....but we also learn to not judge all by what a chosen few have done.

Answer 6

i agree totally. and i've actually seen it being done! at wal mart a few years back. and he didnt say anything. and infact i dont think i thought he was upset. meaning until i saw this post i didnt think it bothered men in uniform and i'm thinking he probaby was a bit ticked off. you are right we can't tell kids to fear the cop because he'll 'get you' when you are disobeying mom. hey what if mom is nuts and thinks drinking juice before dinner is wrong. so a kid is gonna think, hmm cops are irrational like my crazy mother . ok maybe i'm making generalizations, but it's along those lines. we are conditioning our kids to NOT take cops seriously. as if they are either jokes, or trigger happy people who will arrest you for ANY reason. this i feel stems from parents comments about and jokes about getting away with speeding, using the police as a threat to disobeying children at stores, or from hearing jokes about women saying how they know little ways to get out of a ticket (sexual bribes, etc.). but i think to some degree after the extreme heroism in NYC from the police and the firemen, that some respect and honor has been given back. i know i see them differently since then.

Answer 7

I have told my son I will get a ticket if he isn't buckled-up (not to mention it would be dangerous if he's not in his carseat). He loves policemen. We live in a small town, and a good guy friend of mine is a cop here. He actually stopped by my house last week and helped move my furniture back after I got new carpet. He was in uniform, and my kids loved it. I think it would be terrible to have your kids fear cops! I'm sure there are some bad ones out there, but there a some bad guys in every line of work.

Answer 8

You must live in a really, really weird place. I have never heard of this! I never threaten my children like that, nor have I ever heard of another parent doing this.

Instead of threats, I tell my children specifically why they should not do specific actions. Like jumping on the bed. They can break a bone, or break the bed. Walking across the street - they have to be careful, or get hit by a car and die. I don't lie to my kids, or threaten them ridiculously. It's best to be honest with your children, and now having an almost 14 yr old...they learn to be honest with you.

Answer 9

Meh, I don't trust policemen, they're just people, I don't just trust random people in the street, why should it be any different just because one is wearing a uniform?
Now, I was never in my life told that I would be arrested, but I would let an officer try to help and enforce law, that's their job.
I just hate it when SOME (not ALL) policemen act....stupid.

Answer 10

Because you have authority and children know what you can do to people who miss behave. They think that if the child knows what you do for a living then they can say if you don't straighten up then you will arrest them for miss behaving. Either that or the mother wants to meet you and trying to get you to come over and talk with her because she can't resist a man in uniform. Just another thought.