How can I help my husband feel needed?

Question

My husband is a stay at home dad. We have a one car which I take to work. I know that he is going through something right now but I don't know how to help him other than encourage him that I love him. He seems to be having difficulty with the fact that he's not contributing financially. We have 5 children. Four of them are in school and we have a two year that he stays home with. We've been arguing a lot lately over petty stuff and I don't want to argue anymore. I don't know how to make him understand he has a huge job. It sucks because there are nights I have to work late and I know he needs a break too, from the kids and the house. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

perhaps pointing out that he is contributing - financially. let him know that without his support at home you wouldn't be able to go to work. everyone likes to feel useful... give him projects, have him set goals. encourage him and give praise for a job well done.

Answer 2

Ask if he would be interested in dropping you off at work and picking you up one day a week so that he has the use of the car during the day and can get out an interact with other adults for a couple hours. Let him have a guy weekend, where he can pick something that he wants to do with out the family. Even if it's something like a night at the races or a day of golf, what ever he has a hobby in. Send him a love letter in the mail, or several..... that way he knows you are thinking of him while you are at work. Also, tell him how much you appreciate him running the household and what a good job he is doing making sure everyone gets where they need to be.

Answer 3

That's very tough. I know that being a homemaker is a job in and of itself. I stayed at home for more than two months this summer and played the homemaker. After being able to find a good job recently, I'm now able to understand how hard it really is. When I was home with the kids, I had a tough time figuring out how to be useful, as I was so used to providing financially for the family. My wife was wonderful in "taking me out" for certain evenings where we can spend together without the kids. Also, she would let me go play golf with the boys on occasion. Very nice of her, in my opinion, as she was working full-time.

You and have a tough job. You not only have to work full-time, you also have a job at home of making sure your husband feels needed and appreciated.

I can't imagine how tough it would be to have 5 children. It's hard just watching two! If you can, I would plan out a day where you can get a baby sitter to watch the children while you and your husband can have some time alone. How long has it been since you two have watched a good movie together (without the kids)? Plan an evening where both of you can enjoy. Talk about things you both like. Go to a nice restaurant where you can eat and enjoy conversation. Just you and your husband. During this time, tell him how much you love him and appreciate what he does for the family. I'm sure he'll open up and tell you how he really feels, as well.

In a society where men are seen as the financial backbone in a family, it's easy for us fathers and husbands to feel secure about staying home. Even if we have the tough job of homemaking and watching the kids, we rarely think we're contributing because, as men, we feel that it's our nature to be the one going out and working... think to the stone-age where the men hunted and the women gathered and took care of the family. That image is imbedded in our minds and our society.

In an ever-so-changing world, we need to be aware that not everything is better the way it was. Things change for a reason.

Again, I would say that you and your husband need some time alone. Enjoy a dinner and a movie and think back to the time when you two first met. I hope everything works out. Take care.

Answer 4

I did that stay at home dad thing for awhile too, got kinda depressed sometimes. As a man, he feels weird and seperated from the "real world", he probably also feels useless, Let him know that hes your "Rock" that keeps the house and family going, his kids will ALWAYS appreciate the time they spend with him instead of him being gone on lengthy business trips. Encourage him to maybe go outdoors with 2 year old more, to the park, to maybe a "little gym" class, taking walks. he will see there are a lot of dads out there on a tuesday afternoon with thier child rather than in an office. Encourage him to take some online courses at the local community college. He will feel like he is "working" on a goal, its cheap, and if your low income you can qualify for financial aid for classes. Enlist some PM help from your/his parents or family every once in awhile so he can go out with a friend, or take a night class somewhere. And, get intimate whenever you get a chance, tell him that having him around for the family turns you on! Have him visit this site http://www.rebeldad.com/index.html

Answer 5

Sounds like a chapter out of my own life. The only thing you can really do is take a few days off and let him just be a guy. Or you could just spend some time together, surely you both have friends or relatives who could keep the kids for a day. I also know that you are probably tired when you come home, but let him know you appreciate what he does, help with the dishes, or the laundry, and give him as much attention as you can. Also tell him old snoop said " Tough times dont last forever but tough guys do, and fatherhood aint for sissies" Best of luck to you and yours

Answer 6

He needs a break, staying home all day, will make you crazy, unless you have a lot of hobbies. It is nice that he can stay home with the two year old.
You mentioned he doesn't have a car at home, that would be a big problem also, so he is really tied down, He needs to spend some time doing something that he likes to do, something for him only.

Answer 7

Get a babysitter one night, take him out to dinner. Talk to him and thank him, sincerely. Tell him that you have no idea how he handles all 5 kids on his own all the time, and get his input on certain things (assuming he knows the kids a little better) When you ask him for advice on how to deal with the children he will feel more appreciated. Let him know you think he handles his temper well when things are going badly, that it's so nice to come home and relax. Being able to rely on him to have everything done makes your day a little easier.

Answer 8

It is good to know that your desire is to deal with the problems you are having, rather than run away from them. Because God established marriage, it is most satisfying when it is based on Him. A mutual faith in Christ is the foundation upon which a solid home is built, where beautiful harmony abides and grows through mutual love, trust, and respect between the marriage partners. The most important consideration for a husband and wife is to make certain that they have established this foundation for their marriage by committing their lives to Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. If you have not taken this all-important step, I encourage you and your spouse to come together to commit your lives and your marriage to Christ.

Many couples have also found the counsel of a faithful, Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in building or strengthening their relationship. Prayerful consideration of God's Word is most important. The Bible provides guidance for every aspect of our lives; note the responsibilities given to husbands and wives in 1 Peter 3:1-7, Ephesians 5:21-33, and 1 Corinthians 7.

A variety of helpful books on marriage have been published by Christian pastors and counselors. You should visit a Christian bookstore or your church library to obtain literature written to strengthen Christian marriages. A book such as "Love Is a Decision" by Gary Smalley has helped many marriages. Materials of various sorts intended to enrich and build marriages are available through ministries such as Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 35500, Colorado Springs, Colorado 80935-3550, telephone: [phone], and the Narramore Christian Foundation, 250 West Colorado Boulevard, Suite 200, Arcadia, California 91007, telephone: [phone]. If you contact them, they will be happy to send you a list of their available books, pamphlets, and audio/video materials.

Answer 9

Make him several lists of things that need to be repaired around the house and how much it would cost to hire someone to do these things.Any possibilities of him getting a part time job when you are going to be home?

Answer 10

Ask his advice about something and take it. Then tell him how well it worked out. Looks like the larger issues have been addressed in other answers. Men do love to solve our problems for us though!