Insecurities going to ruin a good relationship?

Question

I'm finally in a relationship with a great boyfriend who gives me plenty loving and compliments. Marriage is in our future. But I can't seem to accept that I'm good enough for him and constantly think he feels other women are better. I know this is from my ex-husband constantly demeaning me during the marriage. It's not that I think he'll leave me for some women on the street. I think it's a self-image problem (like anorexics who think they look fat) and in turn, I accuse him of checking out other women and blame him for triggering my feelings of inadequacy. I know I need counseling, but just wanted to see what words of wisdom anyone has to offer. Thanks!

Thanks all for your great responses! I will be seeking counseling as I don't want to lose a great guy. I know it's going to be an uphill battle, but one I intend to win!

Answer 1

i feel that insecurities are one of the most painful things in a relationship....but they can be overcome. take time to just sit with your fears before you tell him about them....i am sure that they hurt his feelings, especially if you are talking about marriage. i am sure he sees how beautiful and wonderful you are, even if you dont. so now is the time for YOU to see that. it wont matter how many people see that about you until you love yourself. and that is truth. take it from someone who has been there and done that.

i suggest a good therapist......they can give you tools to reroute the "stinkin thinkin" that is programmed into our heads as children. you deserve love....especially from YOU.

be gentle with yourself and above all HAVE FUN with your guy.....it sounds like he really loves you. that is precious. dont take it for granted.

best of luck to you!

Answer 2

Here are some words from someone who does the same things as you :):)

One make sure that he 100% knows that you know that you are a bit neurotic, and when you realize that you said/did something that is out of place (IE him checking out other women when you know he wasnt) apologize. Get counseling.

Here's one thing that helped me a lot.
THINK SELFISH, yes i'm being serious. A friend told me something that made me rething the situation. If I'm not good enough for him, and yet for some reason he wants ME and not these other women i should be grateful and not worried. I should say look at me, i'm lucky enough to have fallen into something i may not deserve but I HAVE IT. It helps a lot sometimes thinking that even if i may not be good enough - he thinks i am.

Good luck

Answer 3

sure it is going to smash a relationship, yet putting out with an previous lady friend is going a step too far. women anybody is regularly very insecure. as an celebration: my lady friend can not stand it when I confer with my ex-spouse, yet she is common with that it must be done as a results of actual shown reality that we've a baby at the same time.

Answer 4

My gf seriously gets upset with me when I compliment her, tell her how good she looks or what a great woman I think she is. She has some deep seeded issue with inadequacy (and probably with abandonment; still working on that one) and it is a f'ing black hole! She loves hearing it and hates it, too b/c then she might get too close to me. I am at a loss myself and am anxious to see some of the answers b/c this is ruining things with us when we work so great at absolutely everything else.

Answer 5

You really need to deal with this NOW, because eventually you will lose the good man you have. You are making the innocent good guy pay for what the guilty bad man did and thats tragic. You are letting the bad relationship consume the good and its not fair to your current boyfriend. He must feel he has to work extra hard to make up for what someone else did. For your sake (now and forever), and HIS sake...call and get counseling NOW. G'luck