What do you do with your child who insists on being sexually active at a young age?

Question

We recently got custody a year and a half ago of my step-children due to lack of parenting on their mothers side. The daughter became sexually active at age 13 with boys in their early 20's. We've since moved her in with us, now she's 2 months shy of her 16th birthday and she's got the "itch" again (no, not STD, just the itch to become active again). We do not allow her to be with her boyfriend without us they do not spend any alone time together, yet she's found a way to be sexually active with him with us sitting right in the room watching movies with her and her boyfriend. How do we stop this from happening? If we forbid her to see him, she'll run away like she did at her mothers house. She's been an angel in the year and a half she's been with us up until now. Do we need to now sit inbetween them while watching TV, do we make them sit across the table from each other at dinner? This is insane, how do these kids get so freaking bold???

We put her on birth control when she was 13. She has yet to need it again as she's been like I said really good up until now. Thanks for everyone's input, I figured there wasn't a lot I could do other than education and we've done that as well as the BC for her. She is on the shot as we were afraid that she wouldn't take the pill and we spent a whole afternoon doing the "images" portion of STD's. I guess it only scared her for 2 years.

Answer 1

Accept the fact you can not stop her from choosing to be sexually active. You should insure she's well informed and has access to birth control especially as she gets older. You will also have to accept the fact as she gets older she will go out with her boyfriend to movies, malls, dates etc. This is not a battle you can win, it is best to accept she is becomming a young woman and let her know you are there if she needs to talk. How you handle this situation will lay the ground work for how things go the next couple years, remember she's getting older and the clock is working in her favor only 2yrs to 18 and she could and may leave at 17 if there are always conflicts at home. It's now about giving her all the info and access to birth control you can so she can make informed decisions.

Answer 2

don't fight her, she'll just rebel. If she thinks she's old enough to be having this kind of relationship, then she's old enough to be dragged to the gynocologist to get a pap smear and be put on the pill, or the shot. Treat her like a grown up. I'm 21 now, and because of rebellion against my parents, I moved out when I was 16, and i haven't spoke to my parents since. You should just be very understanding of her, so she can't blow up at you! If you really care about her, you need to sit her down and thoroughly explain the consequences of her actions, and tell her that she needs to be safe, so she doesn't ruin her life by getting pregnant, or getting an STD. Just be supportive, it's the best thing you can do.

Answer 3

This is so scary but I have been so lucky. I have a 21 year old virgin and a 19 year old virgin! Yes all of their friends are popping up pregnant or have already had children. My kids are half asian and the asian side is very strict. My husband did not allow any boyfriends, no phone calls, None were allowed plain and simple. Everything was homework, sports and study for school! If they felt like running away he said "OK" and he held the door open and told them to go! But not to return! He told them they had all of their lives to "PARTY" and have boyfriends once they finish school. Once they finish school they could move out and do what ever they wanted to do with their lives.....Until then they belonged to our family and our family did not do that! Me and my girls have always talked openly since they could talk. I have always told them about sex, their bodies and how they function, we have talked about pregnancies and diseases which are now fatal. I have always explained that is is best to wait until you are absolutely ready "married" but sometimes you just can't wait it that was to ever happen to them to let me know and we would go to the doctor and get at least birth control. But we have mainly discussed the disadvantages of unwanted pregnancies....and what happens to your life when you do not go to collage and work pay check to pay check, Also we mainly discuss self esteem, my kids have the highest self esteem and maybe that is why they don't need boyfriends or sex to make them feel good about them selves! We have instilled family values and high morals. Try to reenfource high values and good morals and more family time. Please excuse spelling as spell check was down.

Answer 4

That is how some kids are now I'm not saying it is okay or that I agree with sex at her age but you can't watch her 24 hours a day and she will find away to have sex If I where you I would put her on birth control before she ends up pregnant take her hot self to the health department.

Answer 5

My sister became sexually active at a young age and got pregnant at age 19. I was 15 when she had the baby. This child now 16 has gotten herself into some situations and my sister sat her down and talked to her. She told her that she didn't want her getting into a situation but if she did have sex and became pregnant..she would be having the baby because if she was old enough to be reckless with her body than she should be responsible enough to raise a baby who had no choice in the matter. She also stressed that she would be disappointed in her if she was so irresponsible to be so reckless.

This might work.... I know it hurt me when my parents said they were disappointed in me.

Answer 6

This is probably going to sound pretty typical, but talk to her about STD's and stuff. Make sure she has access to condoms. Tell her the reasons why she doesn't want to have a kid at this age.

With the STD's, I recommend pictures. They're apsolutly discusting, and when my health teacher showed our class, I'm pretty sure it put sex out of the picture for about 9/10th's of our class.

Bascially, if she's set on doing it, she's gonna find a way to get around whatever barriers you give her.

Answer 7

At this point, you shouldn't focus on stopping her from having sex, it's too late for that. Now you should focus on educating her against STD's and pregnancy. It's hard to accept, I know , but sometimes you just have to accept, what's done is done and you probably can't stop her from doing it again, just help her by talking to her about birth control etc....

Answer 8

I'm 15 and I was previously active but it was more of a need to rebel in some way and my parents really didn't care about what I did as long as i stayed a virgin, and went to school so I skipped school and went and sex. I actually got pregnant but i had a mis carriage and i think that was god's way of warning me to chill out.
put her on the shot. she'll "forget" to take the pills

Answer 9

If they want to spend time together they will find a way with or without your permission TRUST ME! I would put her on birth control (may as well protect her -even if against her having sex) I would school the BOTH of them on the dangers of sex but you must also be realistic...they are going to do it so give her ALL the information to protect herself

Answer 10

You think this is her fault? Make sure she knows how to use at least two types of birth control otherwise you are going to have even more problems. Her daddy should have picked a better person to mate with and stayed married. What did you expect when you marry a divorced man with baggage?